3544 Funny Quotes organized by Most Popular
Abner DoubleDay: Let's play ball. Welcome, my friends, to the first ever playing of a new sport. A sport of my own devising. On this field, two ten-person teams will engage in a battle of... Yes, Qi?
Qi: Only 18 people here.
Abner DoubleDay: Two nine-person teams will engage in a battle of strength, speed, and strategy. One team will go out onto the field to play defense while the other team will take turns hitting this ball...with a stickie.
Chico: What are you gonna call this game?
Abner DoubleDay: What else? Stickie McSchnickens. Now your goal, ball thrower, is to get the ball past me two times without my hitting it. Fire when ready.
Wyatt Earp: What's shakin’, Twain?
Mark Twain: Hey, I'm good on anything. Just like gravy, baby. Good to see you, my man.
Wyatt Earp: You too, man.
Wyatt Earp: Hey, I finally read Prince and the Pauper.
Mark Twain: Oh, is that right?
Wyatt Earp: Didn't get it.
Mark Twain: For reals?
Wyatt Earp: Satire! Boom! I got ya!
Tommy aka White Knife: [Playing baseball] Okay, that's two past ya. So you're done, right?
Abner DoubleDay: No, no, I said three times.
Short Stop: No, you said two.
Abner DoubleDay: I said three! Three strikes and I'm out. I know what I said, shortstop. That's your new name, Short Stop, that's right. Now and forever, forever and ever, Short Stop, Short Stop, Short Stop. [laughs]
Clem: Lookie here. My day is made. I didn't even finish breakfast and I get to kill me a stinkin' Injun.
Tommy aka White Knife: Injun? Nah. I just dress like this so's I don't get scalped out on the prairie.
Clem: Oh, well, that's a convincing outfit. Yeah, you can't be too safe out there... with all of them savages runnin' around. So, what can I do you for?
Tommy aka White Knife: Need some flour. Five sacks. And a carrot with peanut butter on it. Now, what's that gonna run me?
Clem: Well, sack of flour's 45 cents. So, five sacks... is 40...
Tommy aka White Knife: Wanna get back to me on that?
Clem: Yeah, look. Now, the flour's in the basement. You can fetch it yourself.
Tommy aka White Knife: Much obliged.
Lil' Pete: Hey, friend. Need any help getting her out?
Ramon: She's not really stuck, amigo. She's just a diversion.
Lil' Pete: She's a virgin? I'm a virgin, too... unless you count cantaloupes.
Ramon: I believe that, but she's a diversion to keep the banker busy so that my brother has time to rob the bank.
Lil' Pete: You're robbing the bank? Gall dang!
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