3537 Funny Quotes organized by Most Popular
They warned me what a serious guy De Niro is….They warned me not to make jokes. So the third day of shooting, I looked him straight in the face and told him: 'I can't work with you. You can't act.' The guy fell on the floor. He didn't stop laughing for 18 weeks. Scorsese fell on the floor too, but he's so small we couldn't find him.
Well, I just wanted to say to you, Larry, as a favor, please don't call me anymore. I think this was an absolute waste. This will not change my life one bit. I personally feel your show is not going to make it much longer, really. You're an annoying guy sitting there in your little funny little sweater every night, leaning over, pressing, you're like a beaver, you're trying to snarl and get information. Larry, go back to Miami and do what you do best—suck up a swamp. Don't bother people, Larry.
Harry is a black man, and I’m a white man. We obviously come from different backgrounds, but we stand together on this stage as brothers. And as a brother, I must say these race riots are terrible. It’s awful how stores are being looted. The burning, the rioting, the stealing. But if, God forbid, it does happen again—and I pray it doesn’t—all I can say is, ‘Harry, I could use a couch and a couple of end tables.'
Welcome very, very, very, much, Morton. I guess it was just our luck that you were stopped today as you were driving through town and it was the police chief's idea, and a pretty good one I think, to have you on the show because, well, it occurred to him that many Fernwooders or Fernwoodians or Fernies—whatever they're calling themselves these days—um, have actually never seen a real-live Jew before.
Bob, I'm so happy for you, but do us a favor: Get off the air. How long [are you going to do this]? The soldiers, the Navy, they're getting tired. Every time there's a war, you're right there. In Iran, they're fed up, they're fighting and you go, 'I wanna tell you...' with your golf club. It's over. I'm a friend. Don't annoy people.
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