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Barney Stinson Quotes

Total quotes: 33
“I realized that I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: Lobster Crawl
Tagged: Searching, Clueless
“Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Slutty Pumpkin
Tagged: Halloween, spare costume, strike out, hot girl, Second Chance, first impression
“Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother,
Tagged: how i met your mother, HIMYM, Friendship, Life, Love
“OK, here's my thing —if gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works: they start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like...now everyone gets manicures.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Single Stamina
Tagged: Gay Marriage, Manicures
“A lie is just a really great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Zip, Zip, Zip
Tagged: Wait, Sex, month, young, illegal
“There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Return of the Shirt
Tagged: Reasons, Date, Girl, already dated, Breast Implants
“That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: The Yips
Tagged: Night, born, Phoenix, Simile Examples, strode, World, Armani, Awesome
“I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see because I was drunk!”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 1: Belly Full of Turkey
Tagged: Drunk, Public Urination
“Robin: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?

Barney: I guess, because you're almost as messed up as I am.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 7: Tick Tick Tick
Tagged: crushes, Insecurity
“For the first time in my life I don't want to find myself in three years with some random girl, no matter how many boobs she has. I wanna be with Quinn.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 7: Trilogy Time
Tagged: boobs, Random, Desire
“Three days. We wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait... True story.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 4: The Three Days Rule
Tagged: jesus, Three Days Rule
“There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it's not cheating if she’s from a different area code.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: No Tomorrow
Tagged: Cheating, Cheaters
“Suits are for the living. That's why, when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. BUCK NAKED. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Monday Night Football
Tagged: suits, Death
“Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There is no one hotter than God.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Ted Mosby
Tagged: architects, Hot, Hot Guys, God
“Lily: I don't think your sword will fit.

Barney: I get that a lot.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Columns
Tagged: sword, Penis Size, fit
“In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“Here’s the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“God, it’s me, Barney. What up? I know we don’t talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“Suits are full of joy. They’re the sartorial
equivalent of a baby’s smile.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro—I’m Broda!”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“Barney: You're the most awesome person I've ever met. Well, second.

Robin: Right, first being you.

Barney: No, actually, it's this guy I know who lives in something called the mirror. What up?”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: Sandcastles in the Sand
Tagged: compliments, Cheering Up
“Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and she’s way too hot
for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ‘em, tiger!”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“It’s gonna be legend-... wait for it… and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother: The Complete Series
Tagged: HIMYM, Barney Quotes
“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM Quotes, T.V Quotes
“It’s time to let go of the fantasies. It’s time to grow up.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 6: Cleaning House
Tagged: Letting Go, Fantasies, Growing Up
“Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: Life, Searching, HIMYM, how i met your mother
“Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fella, let’s not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America’s laughed
enough.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes
“You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won't be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 2: Bachelor Party
Tagged: Belong Together, forever person
“Barney Stinson: I had to look away because if I watched what the paramedics were about to do, I would've passed out. Then they took out this electric blade thing, and I kept thinking "this isn't happening, this isn't happening!"

Lily Aldrin: Oh my god, what did they cut?

Barney Stinson: My suit, my beautiful suit!”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Tagged: HIMYM, T.V Quotes, Barney Quotes
“Hey! I don't remember you. I've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that I've slept with and all of the horrible things that I have done to them—and I have done some horrible things. I mean, at one point I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. I didn't speak the language, but I shook a guy's hand, he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. I am the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. So, from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you, I apologize.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, Season 3: The Bracket
Tagged: Mercedes, player, Apology
“ I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to -- and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been... overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.”
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, How I Met Your Mother Season 8: Splitsville
Tagged: Loving Someone, Madly In Love
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