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Michael Scott Quotes

Total quotes: 96
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation
Tagged: Wikipedia, Best Thing, World, subject, best possible, information, Collaboration
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Flaws, sing in showe, volunterring, sue me, Car, accident
“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: liked, praised, Need, Want
“No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: downsizing, Patient, cancer, don't tell
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: Office, Dying, Life life, fullest, dreams come true
“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Delivery
Tagged: Friends, Sales, Love, first, Second, third, No particular Order
“Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Goodbye, Toby
Tagged: Love, first sight, voice, Ears
“Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel
Tagged: Sentence, Going, Hope, Start, lost
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Fight
Tagged: feared, Loved, Both
“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Training Day
Tagged: Working Hard or Hardly Working, Working Hard, Hardly Working
“I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Launch Party
Tagged: Hate, terrible, don't like it
“I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Superstitious, little, stitous, Words
“I am Beyonce, always.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Beyonce, Always, Fierce, Iconic
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: dementors, Worst Thing, Harry Potter reference, Prison Mike, Prison
“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: New Boss
Tagged: Redundant, ASAP, call me
“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Traveling Salesmen
Tagged: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, strike one
“I say dance, they say 'How high?'”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: St. Patrick's Day
Tagged: dance, jump, how high, misworded
“I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convention
Tagged: inside jokes, part of one, Someday
“Dwight you ignorant sl**.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Safety Training
Tagged: Iconic, ignorant, Slut
“I want you to rub butter on my foot...Pam, please? I have Country Crock.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Injury
Tagged: butter, Foot, Country Crock, Pain, Relief
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour
Tagged: unfair advantage, reality dating shows, hawk, Absorb, information, winners, losers
“About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: Sick, Symptoms, Concerned, Sick Day
“I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Basketball
Tagged: sinking, nothing but net, african american, jaws
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Women's Appreciation
Tagged: Man, understands, Women, Fool
“I had a great summer. I got west nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it...”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism
Tagged: Summertime Fun
“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: Human Resources, corporate, Family, divorced
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Gun, shot
“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Client
Tagged: cold, train, dead, Stiff, expressionless
“I don't come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: forward, Arrest, Guy, passing drugs
“Friends joke with one another. 'Hey, you're poor.' 'Hey, your momma's dead.' That's what friends do.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: The Deposition
Tagged: Friendship, Best Friends, Friends
“Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Phyllis' Wedding
Tagged: Webster, Dictionary, wedding, welding, fuse, hot torch
“I guess the attitude that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Attitude, Create, Friend, boss, entertainer, first, Second, third
“Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Take Your Daughter to Work Day
Tagged: True, Online Dating, username, Little Kid Lover, Priorities, Pedophile
“Michael: You wanna hear a lie?

Toby: What?

Michael: I... think you're great. You're my best friend.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Frame Toby
Tagged: Liar, Best Friends
“ Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party
Tagged: reverse psychology, Psychology
“If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus...Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: back of the bus, front of the bus, drive the bus, racist
“If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. That's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Viewing Party
Tagged: Threat, Murder, Kill, Heartbreak, Warning, humor, Literally
“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go. ”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics
Tagged: would not miss it, World, not go, contradictory
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: receptionist, Cute, years, Younger
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: boss, teaching others, Dancing, leader
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