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Quotes tagged “jesus”
God: You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel. And now you're a whiny little bitch.”
Crowd: It's a great name, isn't it?”
Jesus: Our savior!”
Cartman: Thanks to Kyle's mother.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!
Mr. Garrison: So anybody knows any non-Santa or non-Jesus, Christmas song.
[Cartman raises his hand]
Mr. Garrison: Yes, Eric?
Cartman: How about we sing Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch in D minor.
Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch, Cartman!”
Jesus: My son, I wouldn't touch that with a sixty-foot pole.
Stan: [hangs up] Goddamn it!
Jesus: I heard that!”
Jesus: For my next miracle, I will turn water... into FUNK.”
Jesus: Stab me with this! [shows Kyle the nail file] If I die I can resurrect outside the bars.
Kyle: No way! Do it yourself.
Jesus: Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle.
Kyle: Dude, you don't understand. I'm a Jew. I have a few hangups about killing Jesus.”
Dee: I see what you're saying. I think that crucifixion must have been really good for your core.
Dennis: Oh absolutely. Jesus had like the best abs. He had the right idea. He knew no pain no gain.”
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