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Stan Smith (voice) Quotes

Total quotes: 28
“Francine: It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins?

Stan: Because they'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Bullocks to Stan
Tagged: folding napkins, CIA, Carnival, Wipe Your Mouth, Swans, fancy
“An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 5: Roy Rogers McFreely
Tagged: Sprinker, Unsightly, Lawns, Prostitutes, Sassy, Shock
“Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 5: Roy Rogers McFreely
Tagged: Farting, Enjoyment, Took A long time
“ I don't wanna be around all these babies playing Pokémon, badly. This kid right here is just wasting his Charizard. [to the kid] You are wasting your Charizard!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 10: Buck, Wild
Tagged: Kids Table, upset, Pokemon, babies, Old, Waste
“Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired, then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 1: Homeland Insecurity
Tagged: Gun Point, John Woo, shot, Guns, Sex
“The point is is you wanna get anywhere in life, you'll have to join the wrestling team.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 8: The Wrestler
Tagged: Life, Get anywhere, Wrestling, Team
“Hayley: [after the cab crashes] Did the cabbie survive?

Stan: No. Damn fool was driving sober.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 10: She Swill Survive
Tagged: Car Crash, Cabs, Sober, Driving, Drunk Driving
“Pedophile: So, uh, which boy is yours?

Stan: The hot one, duh.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 13: Next of Pin
Tagged: Pedophile, Hot, Attractive, Son, obvious
“Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: An Apocalypse to Remember
Tagged: Denzel Washington, Harrison Ford, chocolate
“Hayley: It's just a nose ring.

Stan: It's a gateway piercing. Next thing you know, you'll have a bone for your lip like one of those rain forest people that Sting is always whining about.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 4: Stanny Slickers II
Tagged: Nose Ring, rebel, Edgy, Sting, Gateway
“The church sent missionaries to America to teach the Indians the correct method of sex. In return, they taught us the correct method of sitting in second grade.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 9: The Missing Kink
Tagged: Sex, Church, Teaching, sitting, Learning, Missionaries
“Gummi Bears?! He replaced my bullets with Gummi Bears from the mini bar! That's gonna cost me $7!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 10: Cock of the Sleepwalk
Tagged: Gummi Bears, Gun, Mini Bar, Money, expensive, Tricky
“Roger, I think I've found a way off this island! Is there such a thing as a time crab?”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 5: Choosey Wives Choose Smith
Tagged: Island, Time, time travel, Crab
“ I'm find us a satellite so we can watch Lost when I get home. Just because we're stuck in this wasteland doesn't mean it's not Wednesday!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Stan of Arabia
Tagged: lost, Satellite, TV, Stuck, Wasteland, Wednesday
“Steve, it's a beautiful afternoon. Shouldn't you be outside with your friends turning my tool shed into Mordor or Endor or... something heartbreaking?”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 4: Frannie 911
Tagged: Diss, Heartbreaking, Friends, Mordor, nerd
“Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 4: Red October Sky
Tagged: Spending, Money, jesus, Capitalism, Diss
“So this is a refugee camp? I have to say, not that bad. There's sun, sand - it's like Arizona. But here they probably celebrate Martin Luther King Day.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: Camp Refoogee
Tagged: Refugee, Sun, Sand, Arizona, Martin Luther King Day
“Francine: I feel like we're in a rut.

Stan: A good rut, like 200 years of democracy or a bad rut, like UNICEF?”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: Dungeons and Wagons
Tagged: rut, Democracy, Good, Bad, UNICEF
“Lies. It's like you have to lie to live. You're a lie-abetic. You have lie-abetes. Twice a day, you have to take a shot of insu-lyin'.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: Bush Comes to Dinner
Tagged: Lies, Life, lying, Living a Lie, Puns
“You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: The Magnificent Steven
Tagged: Owls, Pecking, Encyclopedias, Read, face
“None of us get to choose our fathers, but we do get to choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: Joint Custody
Tagged: Fathers, Father Figure, mother, Choice
“Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 4: The Most Adequate Christmas Ever
Tagged: Snow, Diss, Refrigerator, appliances, How it works
“Stan: That bathroom is amazing. A gold toilet? And I can't believe you have a servant just to wipe your butt.

Rusty: Um, I don't...

Stan: Oh, explains the attitude and why he did such a a slapdash job.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 7: There Will Be Bad Blood
Tagged: bathroom, Wipe Your Butt, Attitude, Mistaken, Slapdash, Job, awkward
“Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Suzie Q's, her...her...uh...aw, God, what...what are those called...? Those little, uh... pink with coconut...? They're really good....

Jeff: Her Sno-Balls?

Stan: You bastard!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 1: Stan Knows Best
Tagged: Playing Dumb, Stripping, Bastard
“Ahh, basil and snail poison; the sweet smell of summer.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: Camp Refoogee
Tagged: Gardening, Basil, snail poison, Summer, Smells Like Summer
“Then maybe later I'll introduce her to... THE THICK-NESSSSSSS!!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 7: Best Little Horror House in Langley Falls
Tagged: thick, Introduce, impress
“GO THE HELL TO FRANCE!!”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 9: Finger Lenting Good
Tagged: Hell, France, angry, upset, Command
“Am I out of my mind...or am I out of my socks?”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 9: For Black Eyes Only
Tagged: Out of my mind, Socks, lost, crazy
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