1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. Pages
    3.  › 
  3. Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Last updated: March 3, 2021

58 Sarcastic Quotes organized by Most Popular

“Leonard: For God’s sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?

Sheldon: You have a sarcasm sign?”
— Leonard Hofstadter, The Big Bang Theory, Season 1: The Big Bran Hypothesis
Tagged: Sarcasm, sign, open my mouth
“There's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me' though, if you jumble it up.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: DNR
Tagged: Teamwork, Collaboration, Cooperation, humor, Sarcasm
“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
— Aristotle, Little Journeys to the Homes of the Great Vol. 3: American Statesmen
Tagged: Criticism, Sarcasm, Avoiding failures, Failures, Taking risk
“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
— Elbert Hubbard, John North Willis
Tagged: Criticism, Passion, Talent, Advice, Sarcasm, humor
“You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"”
— Daniel Tosh, Daniel Tosh: An Unauthorized Biography
Tagged: Religious, Spiritual, honest, interesting, sarcastic, Sarcasm, First Impressions
“Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at is worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'”
— Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth
Tagged: Man, stupidity, Worth, Value, God, noble, Angels, curious, Reality, Truth, worst, best, Possibility, Sarcasm, humanity, humankind, Human Nature, Religion, idiocy
“More men go to church than want to.”
— Mark Twain, Letters from the Earth
Tagged: Man, stupidity, Worth, Value, God, noble, Angels, curious, Reality, Truth, worst, best, Possibility, Sarcasm, humanity, humankind, Human Nature, Religion, idiocy, Church, Desire, Expectations, Society, pressure, normalcy, Fear
“I’M HOPELESS AND AWKWARD AND DESPERATE FOR LOVE.”
— Chandler Bing, The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, hopeless, awkward, Desperate, Love
“Phoebe: 'Hey, you know what I just realized? ‘Joker’ is ‘poker’ with a ‘J’. Coincidence?'

Chandler: 'Hey, that’s ‘joincidence’ with a ‘C’.'”
— Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, The One With All The Poker
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes
“Joey: 'Suppose we’re a divorced couple.'

Chandler: 'Okay.'

Joey: 'And I got custody of the kid, right? Now, suppose the kid dies and I gotta buy a new kid.'”
— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, The One With Joey's Fridge
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Divorced Couple, kids
“Monica: 'Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.'

Chandler: 'Uh, so how many cameras are actually on you?'”
— Chandler Bing, Monica Geller, The One With The Prom Video
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Growing Up, Cameras
“Emotions are for ugly people.”
— Willam Belli, RuPaul's Drag Race, Season 4: Snatch Game
Tagged: Sarcasm, emotions, Dead Inside
“As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.'”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (13 Book Series)
Tagged: humor, Sarcasm, Being Polite
“Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you … for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.”
— Daniel Tosh, Wikiquote.org: Daniel Tosh
Tagged: Sarcasm, joke, stand up comedy, comedy, Stand Up, show, humor, audience, Applause, clap
“Judge Julius Hoffman: And the record should reflect, that defendant Hoffman and I are not related.

Abbie Hoffman: Father, no!

Judge Julius Hoffman: Mr. Hoffman, are you familiar with contempt of court?

Abbie Hoffman: It's practically a religion for me, sir.”
— Abbie Hoffman, The Trial of the Chicago 7
Tagged: Sarcasm, Court, Defendant
“It’s a Sunday. I don’t move on Sundays.”
— Chandler Bing, The One Where Ross Finds Out
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Morning, Sundays
“Are you the criminals...from the statistics?!”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 6: Socalyalcon VI
Tagged: Paranoid, Sarcasm
“Ellen Griswold: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.

Audrey Griswold: Let's not overdo it, mom.

Ellen Griswold: Shut up.”
— Ellen Griswold, National Lampoon's Vacation
Tagged: Love, Eulogies, overdoing it, Sarcasm
“Remy: [as Emile tastes a piece of cheese] Creamy, salty-sweet, an oaky nuttiness... You detect that?

Emile: Oh, I'm detecting nuttiness...”
— Remy (voice), Ratatouille
Tagged: nutty, creamy, Salty, sweet, Sarcasm
“Forgive me for not leaping for joy. Bad back, you know.”
— Scar (voice), The Lion King
Tagged: Dry Humor, Sarcasm
“Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: It's a Wonderful Lie
Tagged: Lies, lying, Children, The future, humor, Sarcasm
“You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 1: Cursed
Tagged: humor, Sarcasm, Honesty, lying, Dishonesty, Lies, Telling The Truth, pressure, Mankind, The Human Condition
“Maybe one day, I'll turn into an asshole. But there are too many out there already.”
— Jennifer Lawrence, IMDB
Tagged: Assholes, Personality, Sarcasm, humor
“Sarcastic people tend to be marshmallows underneath the armor.”
— Stephen King, 11/22/63: A Novel
Tagged: Sarcasm, defense, Insecure, fragile
“Up until I was 25 I thought the response to 'I love you' was 'oh crap.'”
— Chandler Bing, The One With The Tea Leaves
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, I Love You
“Rachel: ‘You idiot!’

Chandler: ‘I’m sure you’re right, but why?’”
— Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, The One With the Girl From Poughkeepsie
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Idiot
“Well, she's fascinated with Greenland. She enjoys teasing animals, Ban-Lon, and seeing people running for their lives. She loves throwing garbage out the window, yet she's extremely dainty.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Pilot
Tagged: Greenland, Ban-Lon, garbage, Fear, Sarcasm
“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
— Groucho Marx
Tagged: Laughter, Sarcasm
“The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Muffin Tops
Tagged: Sarcasm, Reality
“You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.”
— Unknown, 30 Funny Short Jokes That Are Guaranteed To Make You Smile
Tagged: Love, Sarcasm, Common Sense
“Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as humor or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure. Examples can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance, to your older model smart phone, to your background and credentials, to the fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath.”
— Preston Ni, 14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation
Tagged: manipulation, Criticism, Sarcasm
“Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than Tuna Helper myself, don't you, Clark?

Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.”
— Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Vacation
Tagged: tuna helper, hamburger helper, gourmet, Sarcasm
“Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?

Randy: That's a cheerful thought.”
— Samantha, Sixteen Candles
Tagged: nothing to lose, cheerful, Sarcasm
“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 2: Humpty Dumpty
Tagged: bonus, points, Care, Acting, Sarcasm
“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.”
— Pickup Lines!, Twitter
Tagged: Pickup Lines, Icebreakers, kiss, Sarcasm, wit, Silly
“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It’s really funny.”
— Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians
Tagged: Sarcasm, Funny, humor, Intellect
“Chandler: ‘I got her machine.’

Joey: ‘Her answering machine?’

Chandler: ‘No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.”
— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, The One With The Evil Orthodontist
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Dating, Call Him, Call Her
“Joey: ‘What are we doing?’

Chandler: ‘Wasting our lives.’

Joey: ‘I meant for lunch.’”
— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, The One With the Invitation
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Wasting Lives
“Phoebe: 'You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.'

Chandler: 'Maureen Rosilla.'

Ross: ''Cause she doesn’t hate Yanni’ is not a real reason.'”
— Chandler Bing, Ross Geller, Phoebe Buffay, The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Breakups, Dating
“I say more dumb things before 9am than most people say all day.”
— Chandler Bing, The One With The Fake Party
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Dumb Things, Morning
“Something is wrong with America. I wonder sometimes what people are thinking about or if they're thinking at all.”
— Bob Dole, The Book of Bob: Choice Words, Memorable Men
Tagged: Wonder, Think, Thinking, Mind, Brain, Person, humor, Sarcasm
“I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".”
— Tim Minchin
Tagged: Sticker, Magic, Death, humor, Sarcasm
“Think I’m sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.”
— Unknown, 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You’re Feeling Snarky
Tagged: Sarcasm, Aloof, Indifference
“This song is an excellent cure for the will to live.”
— Will Hayes, Definitely, Maybe
Tagged: bad music, Sarcasm
“Micah: You're screaming like that over a spider?

Katie: Well, yeah... did you go run and get the camera first?”
— Micah, Paranormal Activity
Tagged: Arachnophobia, Sarcasm
“Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: London, Part 1
Tagged: Sarcasm, reception, Alone
“This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.”
— Lorrie Moore, Like Life
Tagged: Love, Relationships, Love & Relationships, Sarcasm
“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
— Chandler Bing, The One With The Tea Leaves
Tagged: Funny, Advice, Sarcasm
“Joey: 'Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!'

Chandler: 'Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.'”
— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, The One With The Tiny T-Shirt
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, Drama, Acting, Sliced Bread
“Joey: ‘It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.’

Chandler: ‘Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.”
— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, The One With The Lesbian Wedding
Tagged: Funny, Sarcasm, Jokes, couple, Dating, Lesbian Wedding