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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
Birthday: | April 29, 1954 |
Educated At: | Queens College, City University Of New York |
Nationality: | United States Of America |
Occupations: | Television Actor, Voice Actor, Comedian, Film Producer, Screenwriter |
Spouse: | Jessica Seinfeld |
Total quotes: 257

Jerry Seinfeld
Fictional CharacterBirthday: April 29, 1954
Educated At: Queens College, City University Of New York
Nationality: United States Of America
Occupations: Television Actor, Voice Actor, Comedian, Film Producer, Screenwriter
Spouse: Jessica Seinfeld
Total quotes: 257
“You can't believe this woman. She's one of those low-talkers. You can't hear a word she's saying! You're always going 'excuse me?', 'what was that?'”
Tagged:
Low-Talkers
“Elaine: Perhaps there’s more to Newman than meets the eye.
Jerry: No, there’s less.”
Jerry: No, there’s less.”
Tagged:
More than Meets The Eye
“Elaine: My father thought George was gay.
Jerry: It must have been the singing.
Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everybody’s gay.”
Jerry: It must have been the singing.
Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everybody’s gay.”
Tagged:
Homophobia, gay
“Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
Tagged:
Breakups, Coke Machines
“Jerry: This isn’t a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.”
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.”
Tagged:
Telemarketing, Revenge
“The woman had an orgasm under false pretenses. That's sexual perjury.”
Tagged:
orgasm, Faking Orgasm
“There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that.”
Tagged:
Homophobia, Eavesdropping
“If you’re not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.”
Tagged:
East Side, Civil Society
“I have a vague recollection of doing something with someone, but it was a long, long time ago.”
Tagged:
Sex, Abstinence
“Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.”
Tagged:
Hunger, Cannibalism
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