1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. Latest

Latest Quotes

“Kevin Copeland: Forget him, Marcus. We can do this ourselves. Look, all we gotta is if, if, if...

Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. ‘We?’ Kevin, this ain’t about ‘we.’ It’s never been. It’s about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I’m dumb enough to go along with it. And look where it’s gotten me, Kevin. I just lost my wife and my job because of you. So, don’t tell me about ‘we’ no more, all right?”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Shit, dumb
“Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in!

[slams into postcard and knickknack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts]

Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they’re new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany’s fake breasts] Feels so real.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Breast Implants
“Kevin Copeland: I’m gonna have a BF!

Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she’s gonna have a bitch fit!

Hotel Clerk: No, don’t d-d-d-don’t have a, a, a BF now.

Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I’m gonna write a letter!

Marcus Copeland: You are in big trouble!

Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: BF, Bitch Fit, White Woman, America
“Kevin Copeland: [chasing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that.

Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a handbag?

Kevin Copeland: It’s not ‘just’ a handbag. It’s Prada.”
— Kevin Copeland, White Chicks
Tagged: Handbag, prada, Purse Snatching
“These starving kids in Africa make me so sad. They don’t even have to try to be skinny.”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: Starving Kids Africa
“Megan Vandergeld: [realizing her father’s hostage kidnapping plot, and he is the kidnapper] Daddy! Why are you doing this?

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson, but in his regular voice] Daddy didn’t tell you? He’s broke!

Heather Vandergeld: [confused] What do you mean ‘broke’? Like, Martha Stewart ‘broke’? Or MC Hammer ‘broke’?

Warren Vandergeld: MC Hammer broke!

Megan Vandergeld, Heather Vandergeld: [the Vandergelds wail and cry] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: broke, MC Hammer, Martha Stewart
“Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills.

Megan Vandergeld: It’s the Beverly Ho-Billies.

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn’t?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I’m sorry, but uhm...we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office. [laughs]

Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac! [laughs]

Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.

Marcus Copeland: [indignantly as Tiffany Wilson] What? [the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]

Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It’s mother time, okay! Your mother’s so dumb she went to Dr. Dre for a Pap smear! ‘Something’s wrong, Dr. Dre! My coochie’s doing a beatbox!’

Heather Vandergeld: Well, yeah? Your mother’s so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson]: Your mother’s so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this: [blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]

Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like...she’s so...[to Megan]…Megan, you go!

Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney’s Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ‘ni-coise’ salad. ‘Ni-coise’ salad, right?

Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother’s ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, ‘Only in America!’”
— Heather Vandergeld, White Chicks
Tagged: Catfights, Beverly Hills, Don King, ass
“She don’t know it yet...but that’s ‘Wifey’ right there.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Wifey
“Latrell Spencer: Oh, the deception. The betrayal. Man, you deceived me.

Marcus Copeland: Look, man.

Latrell Spencer: Negro, please. Didn’t anyone tell you that this was an all-white party, huh? Someone get this jigaboo away from me.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Deception, betray, negro, jigaboo, Racial Stereotypes
“Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.”
— Latrell Spencer, White Chicks
Tagged: Racial Stereotypes
“[Shaun and Ed pull up to Barbara’s house and sees Philip’s Jaguar in the driveway]

Ed: Oh! Hello! Who’s a pretty boy, then? [wolf whistle] You didn’t tell me Barbara had a Jag. I’ve always wanted to drive one of those.

Shaun: Yeah, well, it’s Philip’s, okay? He won’t let anybody near it. Honestly, I put half a Mars bar in the glove box once and he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood.

Ed: Fuck. It’s gorgeous.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Jaguar, Fuck
“Ed: I’m sorry, Shaun.

Shaun: It’s OK.

Ed: No, I’m sorry, Shaun.

Shaun: What? [smells Ed’s fart] Oh, God, that’s rotten!

Ed: I’ll stop doing it when you stop laughing!

Shaun: I am not laughing.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Farts, cropdusting
“Shaun: [shouts] What am I doing? What are you doing, you stupid moron?

Ed: Fuck off!

Shaun: [shouts] You fuck off! Fuck fucking off! I’ve spent...look at me! I’ve spent my entire life sticking my neck out for you, and all you ever do is fuck things up! Fuck things up and make me look stupid! Well, I’m not going to let you do it anymore. OK? Not today!

Liz: Shaun!

Shaun: What? [sees the hundreds of zombies staring at them] Oh.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Fuck, fuck off, stupdendous
“Ed: [Directing Shaun on where to shoot] There!

Shaun: Where?

Ed: Three o’clock!

Dianne: Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve.

Shaun: What?

David: Eleven forty-five!

Shaun: Keep it simple!

Ed: Top left.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: clockwise, shooting
“Shaun: No, Noel, no matter you might think, okay, I do not find it difficult to keep my work and my social life separate.

Worker: Shaun, it’s Liz for you. [hands him the phone]”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: compartmentalizing, Work Life, personal life
“If you get cornered...[hits himself on head with cricket bat]...bash ’em in the head, that seems to work. Ow.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: self-harm, Slapstick
“David: Basically, I’d say your nine lives are up, Shaun.

Shaun: Get fucked, four eyes! Why don’t you go out with her if you love her so much?

David: What do you mean by that? [storms off] Well, I don’t know what he meant by that. [uncomfortable silence]”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: get fucked, four eyes, Nine Lives
“David: You still haven’t met his mum?

Shaun: Not yet!

Dianne: Don’t you get on with your mum, Shaun?

Shaun: It’s not that I don’t get on with her...

David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?

Shaun: No! I love my mum!

Ed: I love his mum, too.

Shaun: Ed!

Ed: [singing] She’s like butter!

Shaun: Ed.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: mum, mother, butter
“[Shaun hands Liz a bunch of flowers]
Shaun: Got you these. [Liz reads the label]

Liz: ‘To a wonderful mum’?

Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that’s, because...I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y’know, don’t wanna be my mum and that. It’s just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...[long pause]

Liz: They’re for your mum, aren’t they?

Shaun: Yeah.

Liz: Smooth.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Flowers, Regifting
“Ed: See? You don’t need Liz to have a good time.

Shaun: Oh, don’t, man.

Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I’m not gonna say, you know, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I’m not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I’m not going to bombard you with clichés. But what I will say is this? [chuckling] It’s not the end of the world.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Cliches, plenty of fish
“Shaun: [about Ed] Oh, he sells a bit of weed every now and again, you know. You’ve sold puff.

Pete: Yeah. Once. At college. To you.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Weed, College
“Shaun: Mum, look, what would you say if I told you that over the years Philip’s been quite unkind to me?

Barbara: Well, you weren’t always the easiest person to live with.

Shaun: Mum, he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood!

Barbara: Well, you did call him a you-know-what!

Shaun: Oh what, did he tell you that?

Barbara: Yes he did.

Shaun: Motherfucker!

Barbara: Shaun!

Shaun: Sorry, mother...mum! Did you know that on several occasions...he touched me? [long pause, then Barbara turns to look at Shaun] That wasn’t true. Made it up. Shouldn’t have done. Sorry.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Motherfucker, unkind, false rape allegations
“Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves.

Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I’ll only muck it up if I have to do myself. [Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels]

Shaun: You know, I don’t think I’ve got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same night.

Liz: [pauses] What makes you think I’d have taken you back?

Shaun: Well...you don’t want to die single, do you?

Ed: [interrupting] That’s it. I would like to be shot.

Shaun: Besides, I’ve changed. I haven’t had a fag since yesterday, I promise!

Ed: He hasn’t.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Cigarettes, Mortality
“Shaun: Pete? Pete?

Ed: Why don’t we just go up?

Shaun: No. No. Wait. No. No! Don’t go up there!

Ed: Why not?

Shaun: Because A, he might be one of them, and B, he might still be annoyed. Pete? Maybe he went into work.

Ed: Well, how come he didn’t drive? His keys are still here.

Shaun: Well, maybe he got a lift; he said he wasn’t feeling very well. Pete?

Ed: OI, PRICK!

[There is a pause]

Shaun, Ed: [together] He’s not in.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: annoyed, Prick
“Liz: You hang out with my friends? Sorry, a failed actress and a twat?

Shaun: Well, that’s a bit harsh.

Liz: Your words!

Shaun: I did NOT call Dianne a failed actress.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: twat, failed actress
“Barbara: [over the phone] Some men tried to get into the house.

Shaun: Well, are they still there?

Barbara: [over the phone] I’m not sure, we’ve shut the curtains.

Shaun: Did you try the police?

Barbara: [over the phone] Well, I thought about it.

Shaun: Are you OK? Did they hurt you?

Barbara: [over the phone] No, I’m fine. I’m fine.

Shaun: Mum...

Barbara: [over the phone] Well, they were a bit...bitey.

Shaun: [concerned] Mum, have you been bitten?

Barbara: [over the phone] No...but Philip has.

Shaun: [calmly] Oh, OK.

Ed: Has she been bitten?

Shaun: [to Ed] No, Philip has.

Ed: [calmly] Oh, OK.

Shaun: Listen, Mum, what sort of state is he in?

Barbara: [over the phone] Oh, he’s fine. Bit under the weather.

Shaun: I see.

Ed: What’s the deal?

Shaun: [to Ed] We may have to kill my stepdad.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Burglar, zombies
“Shaun: [about Ed] I’ve known him since primary school, you know? I like having him around, he’s a laugh.

Pete: What, because he can impersonate an orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo!

Shaun: Oh, leave him alone.

Pete: All right, I admit, he can pretty funny on occasion. Like that time we stayed up all night drinking apple Schnapps and playing Tekken 2.

Shaun: Oh yeah. [laughing] When was that?

Pete: [laughing] That was five years ago. When’s he going home?”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: schnapps, orangutan
“Ed: What happened to your hand, man?

Pete: I got mugged on the way home.

Ed: By who?

Pete: I dunno by some crackheads or something, one of them bit me.

Ed: Why’d they bite you?

Pete: I don’t know, I didn’t stop to ask them! Now, I have a splitting headache, and your stupid hip-hop isn’t helping. And the front door is open...AGAIN!

Ed: It’s not hip-hop, it’s electro. Prick...next time I see him, he’s dead.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Hip-Hop, electro, Crackheads, Headache
“Ed: [sees a zombified Pete] Hey, Shaun, look who it is!

Shaun: Fuck-a-doodle-do.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Fuck
“Pete: It’s four in the fucking morning!

Shaun: It’s Saturday!

Pete: No, it’s not. It’s fucking Sunday. And I’ve got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours ’cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I’m SO FUCKING ANGRY?

Ed: Fuck, yeah.”
— Shaun, Shaun of the Dead
Tagged: Fucking, angry, Work

Featured Posts

50 Paulo Coelho Quotes That Will Soothe Your Aching Soul 24 'Stranger Things' Quotes To Help Hold You Over Until The Second Season Pick Up Lines For Girls 107 Of The Greatest Single Sentences In Literature 18 Grey's Anatomy Quotes That Were All Too Real For Television 50 Quotes That Prove It Takes Strength To Let Your Vulnerable Side Show

About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.