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Dan Harmon Quotes

Total quotes: 92
“Rick: Alright, Morty, I just gotta erhp combine it with some of your DNA.

Morty: Oh well, okay. [unzips]

Rick: A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't Game of Thrones.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Rick Potion #9
Tagged: DNA, hair, Game of Thrones, Sassy
“And this is why you don't invite a Floopy Doop and a Shmoopy Doop to the same party.”
— Party-Goer, Rick and Morty, Season 1: Ricksy Business
Tagged: party, Invitation, tension
“That's because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carp'en all them 'diems.”
— Summer Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: Rickmancing the Stone
Tagged: Carpe Diem, losers
“No, no, I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a Pop-Tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, th-that would be like the scariest place for them to live. Y'know what I mean?”
— Morty Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: M. Night Shaym-Aliens!
Tagged: Pop-Tart, toaster, Fantasy, scary, creepy
“Get off the high road, Summer! We all got pinkeye because you won't stop texting on the toilet.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall
Tagged: Toilet, High Road, Texting, germs, Pinkeye
“You are all better than you think you are. You are designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself.”
— Jeff Winger, Community, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: better, designed, Hear, Confidence, Self-Esteem
“Conflicts like this will ultimately bring us together as an unlikely family.”
— Abed Nadir, Community, Season 1: Spanish 101
Tagged: Conflicts, ultimately, Together, unlikely, Family
“To live is to risk it all, otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: Rickmancing the Stone
Tagged: Life, Living, Living Life To The Fullest
“Morty: So what?! Y-Y-You could do things inside! Y-You could play guitar, you could masturbate!

Morty Jr.: I don't wanna masturbate! I wanna conquer the planet!”
— Morty Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Raising Gazorpazorp
Tagged: masturbate, planet, Guitar, growing-up
“Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.”
— Jerry Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: M. Night Shaym-Aliens!
Tagged: erection, East Coast Lighthouse, Dick Jokes
“All I have are pictures are of me and my friends from school. What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon or dying”
— Summer Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall
Tagged: Friends, Pictures, School, teenager, Family, Dying, Mormon
“I'm Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone! I could be a hologram! We could clones controlled by robots controlled by special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your mother!”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: The Rickchurian Mortydate
Tagged: Doctor Who, clones, Holograms, Robots, Diss
“Ambassador: Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibbles' life can be saved... if we replace his heart with your human penis.

Jerry: I see... Wait, what?!”
— Jerry Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Interdimensional Cable 2
Tagged: penis, Organs, Heart Transplant, Life, Saved
“Stupid-ass, fart-saving, carpet-store motherfucker.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Mortynight Run
Tagged: Stupid, Fart, Carpet, Diss
“The universe is a little too big to care about something so small.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Big Trouble in Little Sanchez
Tagged: Universe, small, big, Vast, Care
“I'M A PICKLE! I'm pickle Riiiiiick!”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: Pickle Rick
Tagged: Pickle, Catchphrase
“Listen, if the situation keeps on darkening, then you gotta do yourself a favor and pop by Pirates Of The Pancreas. I mean, the top priority is to, you know, get you guys out of there, but, I mean, if that becomes impossible then you gotta treat yourself.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Anatomy Park
Tagged: Treat Yourself, situation, Darkening, Priorties
“Mr. President, if I've learned one thing today, it's that sometimes you have to not give a fuck!”
— Morty Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Get Schwifty
Tagged: Mr. President, cool, Learning
“Wait for the ramp, Morty. They love the slow ramp. It really gets their dicks hard”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: The Ricks Must Be Crazy
Tagged: Ramp, Slow Ramp, Dicks, Dicks Hard
“Morty, you gotta flip 'em off. I told them it means 'peace among worlds.' How hilarious is that!”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: The Ricks Must Be Crazy
Tagged: Middle Finger, Peace Among Words, Funny
“Don't break an arm jerking yourself off, Morty.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind
Tagged: masturbation, Jerking Off, Broken Arm
“TO GET R*ugghhb*IGGITY RIGGITY WRECKED SOONN”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Ricksy Business
Tagged: Drinking, party, crazy, Wrecked
“Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal! I'm a pickle! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro? I turned myself into a pickle, Morty.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: Pickle Rick
Tagged: Pickle, surprise, Transformation, Science
“Beth: Am I evil?

Rick: Worse, you're smart. When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I've never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal, it grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots, just to eat them, not unlike your friend Timmy.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: The ABC's of Beth
Tagged: Evil, Smart, Universe, Nothing Matters, idiots, Ordinary, Extraordinary
“60 for the resonator, and my grandson wants the sex robot.”
— Rick Sanchez, Rick and Morty, Season 1: Raising Gazorpazorp
Tagged: Sex, Robot, coming of age, hormones
“Jerry: It sounds like you're about to say Jacob is your lover.

Leonard Smith: No, no, no. Jacob is your mother's lover. I watch them. Sometimes from a chair, sometimes from a closet. Almost always dressed as Superman.”
— Jerry Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Anatomy Park
Tagged: Lovers, Parents, Watching, Sex, Chair, Peeping, Superman
“Morty: If you could get out that whole time why didn't you?

Rick: Because I waited until I was certain it was what I wanted to do, Morty! That's the difference between you and me: I'm certain, and you're a walking burlap sack filled with turds.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: A Rickle in Time
Tagged: Certainty, Burlap Sack, Turds, Diss
“Jerry: Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!

Rick: Well, I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall
Tagged: Sassy, Grandchildren, Concessions, Sacrifices, unemployed
“Yeah, well, tough titties.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: The Rickshank Redemption
Tagged: Catchphrase
“Morty, I'm a drunk, not a hack.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: Vindicators 3
Tagged: Drunk, Hack
“A lifetime of disappointments has given me douche-ray vision.”
— Britta Perry, Community, Season 1: Spanish 101
Tagged: Douche, x-ray, Vision, play on words, Lifetime, Disappointments
“Put a saddle on your universe. Let it kick itself out.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 3: The ABC's of Beth
Tagged: Life, Universe, strength
“Lick, lick, lick my balls! Ha ha ha, yeah!”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall
Tagged: Catchphrase
“I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!”
— Mr. Meeseeks, Rick and Morty, Season 1: Meeseeks and Destroy
Tagged: introduction, hello, Look At Me
“I can't wait to watch your adventure lay a huge fart.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Meeseeks and Destroy
Tagged: Fart, Adventure, Failure
“I masturbated to an extra curvy piece of driftwood the other day!”
— Morty Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: The Ricks Must Be Crazy
Tagged: masturbate, Driftwood, teenager
“And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty! Because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Morty! But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and you're gonna be part of 'em. And together we're gonna run around, Morty, we're gonna- do all of kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Adventures, wonderful things, Stick Together
“Morty: And also, knock next time, you know? I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm fourteen! I got a computer in here, you know?

Jerry: Oh, I, uh... I think I understa—

Morty: You know, you're really playing with fire when you burst in here like that, man.

Jerry: I get it. Say no more.

Morty: I mean one of these days, you know, you're gonna—you're gonna—you're gonna end up seeing something.”
— Morty Smith (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Something Ricked This Way Comes
Tagged: masturbation, knock, Fire, Seeing Something, computers, Porn
“Rick: Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff from a mysterious antique or thrift store that gives you powers, but fucks with you in unforeseeable ways? Bring it to 'Curse Purge Plus'! I-I use science to un-curse the items for cash, and you get to keep the powers. This guy got mysterious sneakers to make him run faster, but guess what? He would've had to run until he died, making them worthless. I removed the curse, making them worth, like, I don't know, $8 million? See you at the Olympics. This eerily intelligent doll was threatening to murder its family. Now it does their taxes.

Doll: Everything's deductible.

Rick: Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. Pay for it with money. You know, like how every store in the world works?”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Something Ricked This Way Comes
Tagged: creepy, devil, Powers, Curse, olympics, Taxes, Soul, Money
“[they both exchange kisses, upping their sexual arousal]

Unity: Yes, Rick, yes! Yes, yes!

Rick: Wait, wait, stop! H-Hold it! Not like this. We need a hang glider, and a crotchless Uncle Sam costume, and I want the entire field of your largest stadium covered end to end with naked redheads, and I want the stands packed with every man that remotely resembles my father.”
— Rick Sanchez (voice), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Auto Erotic Assimilation
Tagged: Sex, Hang Glider, Fantasy, Uncle Sam, Crotchless
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