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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Quotes

“The end of a relationship is always the most depressing part. But it's gotta be really depressing to end something that never got a chance to begin.”
— Roxie King, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Almost Relationships, Dating, Love, depressing, chances, breakup
“I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!”
— Salem Saberhagen (voice), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Oh What a Tangled Spell She Weaves
Tagged: Fountain of Youth, Fantasy, Supernatural, joke, Toilet, dirty, Magic
“Roxie: If you're gonna date based on principle, your choices are the Pope or St. Francis of Assisi.

Sabrina: So I've got options.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Options, Principle, Francis of Assisi, Pope, joke, Relationships
“Miles: We may only have a few seconds together before the next bell. I need you to sum up your entire being in four words. Go!

Cute Girl: Not interested in you.

Miles: Four words on the dot.”
— Miles Goodman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Rejection, Uninterested, Single, joke
“Miles: Why should I pay $5 to get rejected when I do it so well for free?

Sabrina: Well, for every girl who says no, you're that much closer to the one that will say yes. Dating is a numbers game!

Miles: So, getting rejected by twenty girls in one night is a good thing?

Sabrina: Yeah, for only five bucks, it's a bargain!”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Rejection, Love, Relationships, joke, Free, Flirting
“Roxie: Hey, what's that for?

Sabrina: Josh and I are throwing a singles party at the coffeehouse. I'm sure you think it's stupid.

Roxie: I haven't been on a date in five months. I can live with stupid.

Sabrina: Well, there's no motivation like desperation.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!
Tagged: Dating, Single, Desperate, motivation, Relationships, party
“Sabrina: Hey, guys, what's going on?

Morgan: We're clearing out of here. Grab all you can carry.

Roxie: It turns out it wasn't you. The whole house is possessed.

Miles: And unlike scantily-dressed teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: Supernatural, Possessed, Horror, scary, Movies, spirits, joke
“Miles: Okay, I've checked out all the bedrooms and closets. And, Morgan, while you have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.

Morgan: You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?

Miles: For your own protection.”
— Morgan Cavanaugh, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: Poltergeist, Supernatural, Raunchy, Underwear, Irreverent, Ghost Hunting, joke
“Salem: Hmm. I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it's time for the talk.

Sabrina: Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: the talk, Cat, Magic, Animals, joke
“Morgan: Sabrina, what is my ex-boyfriend doing here?

Sabrina: Uh, he's my friend. And, besides, you said it was okay.

Morgan: I must have been tweezing or waxing at the time. You know you can't talk to me then!”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit
Tagged: awkward, Self-Care, waxing, Womanhood, party, breakup
“James: Now can anyone tell me what's wrong with what Sean did?

Amanda: He got caught.”
— Amanda, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall
Tagged: Rebellious, Mischief, Caught, trouble, School, detention, Irreverent
“Haley: So, what do you do for fun?

Amanda: You're looking at the witch who put the hole in the ozone layer.

Sean: Wow, I didn't know girls could do stuff like that.

Amanda: Well, you don't know this girl.”
— Amanda, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall
Tagged: feminism, Women, Ozone Layer, Magic, witch, Fun, Mischief
“James: All right, let's see, you've been expelled from twelve different schools, you forced fourteen teachers into early retirement, one into a straitjacket. On the other hand, you were the top seller in the Other Realm High magazine drive.

Sabrina: That's what I love about Amanda, she's a real go-getter.

James: It says here you never turned in the money.

Amanda: That's because I spent it on a mountain bike. No, wait, I stole the bike, and spent the money on a Kate Spade bag.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall
Tagged: Go-Getter, Ambition, criminal, Thief, Bad Apple, Underachiever
“Morgan: Why am I such an idiot? I keep fooling myself into thinking that one year I am actually going to have a normal Christmas.

Sabrina: Morgan, normal is relative.

Morgan: Yeah, too bad my relatives aren't normal.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: Christmas, Holidays, Relatives, relative, Family
“Roxie: Whoever you are, I'm warning you, I have a black belt.

Hilda: Roxie?

Roxie: Okay, it's charcoal, but it goes with the shoes. Hilda, what are you doing here? And what's with your hair?”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: black belt, Fashion, intruder, joke
“Sabrina: Hey, Roxie, what's your family doing for Christmas?

Roxie: The usual. We put up an aluminum tree, get take-out from Taco Bell, and then I watch my Dad and step-mom exchange cartons of Winston Lights.

Morgan: Your family exchanges cigarettes?

Roxie: Hey, it's just not Christmas without a visit from Jolly old St. Nicotine!”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas
Tagged: Holidays, Christmas, present, Pun, Taco Bell, Family
“Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek.

Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals
Tagged: Dating, Relationships, joke, Pun, Climate Change
“Sabrina: Hey, guys, having fun?

Roxie: I'm standing here with Miles, what do you think?

Miles: If this is the best party of all time, I'm glad I'm a social outcast.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: The Halloween Scene
Tagged: party, Outcast, Socially Awkward, Introvert, awkward, Bored, Relatable
“Salem: That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside?

Sabrina: Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig.

Salem: Hey, pigs are people too!”
— Salem Saberhagen (voice), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals
Tagged: Cat, animal, Pig, Dating, misogynist, Selfish, Rejection, Prejudice
“Roxie: This is journalism, you write the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Sabrina: But what if the chips destroy somebody?

Roxie: I think I'm beginning to understand who Sabrina Spellman is. You can't handle the truth!

Sabrina: I can handle the truth. I just can't handle the guilt.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Journalism, Truth, Guilt, Philosophical, Moral Dilemma
“Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries?

Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Raunchy, Irreverent, joke, Womanhood
“So what are you looking forward to most about being a Mu Pi? Doing your toenails with the other girls, or highlighting each other's hair?”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's
Tagged: Sororities, Girly, College, Making Fun, Impersonation
“Pete: Hey, hi, I'm... I'm Pete, from your English Lit class. I was wondering if you'd, uh... you'd like to, um...

Roxie: ...grade your pickup line? D minus.

Sabrina: That wasn't a pickup line.

Pete: Oh, actually, it was. You, uh, wanna go to a movie Saturday night?”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Heart of the Matter
Tagged: Dating, awkward, Pick Up Lines, Rude
“Sabrina: They have parties on Monday night?

Josh: This is college. They have parties every night.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Double Time
Tagged: School, College, party, Relatable
“Sabrina: Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs.

Miles: Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?

Sabrina: Pigs and chicken butts?

Miles: Government subsidized farms. They're fed chemicals and hormones. It's not natural. I'm sorry, Sabrina, but my body is my temple.

Sabrina: So you're filling it with sacred Sugar Bombs?

Miles: They turn the milk purple.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Double Time
Tagged: Health, Veganism, joke, satire, Ironic
“Roxie: Look, you seem very nice.

Sabrina: Thanks.

Roxie: I have no room in my life for people like that.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Every Witch Way but Loose
Tagged: enemies, joke, Rude, Sassy
“Sabrina: Please, what do they have that I don't?

Miles: Ten feet of legs.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: The Whole Ball of Wax
Tagged: Supermodels, Insult, Sexist, Self-Confidence
“Sabrina: Can you distract a room full of poets?

Hilda: Easy.

Salem: With your clothes on?

Hilda: Oh.”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Time After Time
Tagged: humor, Raunchy, Poets, Distraction, Irreverent
“Josh: It's funny how you two became best friends. Didn't she hate you at first?

Sabrina: Roxie hates everybody at first. It's her way of reaching out to people.”
— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Cloud Ten
Tagged: Friendship, Hate, Enemy, Frenemies, awkward
“Hilda: Maybe we should start with something simple. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Harvey: A penny saved is a penny earned.

Salem: Don't eat yellow snow.”
— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Deliver Us from E-mail
Tagged: Advice, Adage, wise, joke
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