TV Quotes / Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Total quotes (100)

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch is an American sitcom based on the Archie comic book series of the same name. The show premiered on September 27, 1996 on ABC to over 17 million viewers in its "T.G.I.F." line-up. The show stars Melissa Joan Hart as Sabrina Spe...

Watch Sabrina, the Teenage Witch online

Genres:	Comedy, Family, Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Number Of Seasons:	7
Networks:	ABC, The WB
Created By:	Nell Scovell
Status:	Ended
User Score (votes):	6.2 / 10 (89,93,100,101)

ProducerNick Bakay

ProducerPaula Hart

Writers often seen in this show:

Andrew Borakove, Dan Berendsen, Frank Conniff, Joan Binder Weiss, Jon Sherman, Marley Sims, Nell Scovell, Nick Bakay, Norma Safford Vela, Rachel Lipman, Sheldon Bull, + more..., Tod Himmel

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Last Updated: 2018-08-02

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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Characters

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About the author

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.

Total quotes (100)

The end of a relationship is always the most depressing part. But it's gotta be really depressing to end something that never got a chance to begin.

— Roxie King (Soleil Moon Frye), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!

Almost Relationships Dating Love depressing chances breakup

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I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Oh What a Tangled Spell She Weaves

Fountain of Youth Fantasy Supernatural joke Toilet dirty Magic

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Roxie: If you're gonna date based on principle, your choices are the Pope or St. Francis of Assisi.

Sabrina: So I've got options.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!

Dating Options Principle Francis of Assisi Pope joke Relationships

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Miles: We may only have a few seconds together before the next bell. I need you to sum up your entire being in four words. Go!

Cute Girl: Not interested in you.

Miles: Four words on the dot.

— Miles Goodman (Trevor Lissauer), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!

Dating Rejection Uninterested Single joke

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Miles: Why should I pay $5 to get rejected when I do it so well for free?

Sabrina: Well, for every girl who says no, you're that much closer to the one that will say yes. Dating is a numbers game!

Miles: So, getting rejected by twenty girls in one night is a good thing?

Sabrina: Yeah, for only five bucks, it's a bargain!

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!

Dating Rejection Love Relationships joke Free Flirting

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Roxie: Hey, what's that for?

Sabrina: Josh and I are throwing a singles party at the coffeehouse. I'm sure you think it's stupid.

Roxie: I haven't been on a date in five months. I can live with stupid.

Sabrina: Well, there's no motivation like desperation.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Finally!

Dating Single Desperate motivation Relationships party

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Sabrina: Hey, guys, what's going on?

Morgan: We're clearing out of here. Grab all you can carry.

Roxie: It turns out it wasn't you. The whole house is possessed.

Miles: And unlike scantily-dressed teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit

Supernatural Possessed Horror scary Movies spirits joke

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Miles: Okay, I've checked out all the bedrooms and closets. And, Morgan, while you have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.

Morgan: You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?

Miles: For your own protection.

— Morgan Cavanaugh (Elisa Donovan), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit

Poltergeist Supernatural Raunchy Underwear Irreverent Ghost Hunting joke

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Salem: Hmm. I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it's time for the talk.

Sabrina: Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit

the talk Cat Magic Animals joke

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Morgan: Sabrina, what is my ex-boyfriend doing here?

Sabrina: Uh, he's my friend. And, besides, you said it was okay.

Morgan: I must have been tweezing or waxing at the time. You know you can't talk to me then!

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Got Spirit

awkward Self-Care waxing Womanhood party breakup

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James: Now can anyone tell me what's wrong with what Sean did?

Amanda: He got caught.

— Amanda (Emily Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall

Rebellious Mischief Caught trouble School detention Irreverent

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Haley: So, what do you do for fun?

Amanda: You're looking at the witch who put the hole in the ozone layer.

Sean: Wow, I didn't know girls could do stuff like that.

Amanda: Well, you don't know this girl.

— Amanda (Emily Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall

feminism Women Ozone Layer Magic witch Fun Mischief

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James: All right, let's see, you've been expelled from twelve different schools, you forced fourteen teachers into early retirement, one into a straitjacket. On the other hand, you were the top seller in the Other Realm High magazine drive.

Sabrina: That's what I love about Amanda, she's a real go-getter.

James: It says here you never turned in the money.

Amanda: That's because I spent it on a mountain bike. No, wait, I stole the bike, and spent the money on a Kate Spade bag.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Witchright Hall

Go-Getter Ambition criminal Thief Bad Apple Underachiever

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Morgan: Why am I such an idiot? I keep fooling myself into thinking that one year I am actually going to have a normal Christmas.

Sabrina: Morgan, normal is relative.

Morgan: Yeah, too bad my relatives aren't normal.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas

Christmas Holidays Relatives relative Family

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Roxie: Whoever you are, I'm warning you, I have a black belt.

Hilda: Roxie?

Roxie: Okay, it's charcoal, but it goes with the shoes. Hilda, what are you doing here? And what's with your hair?

— Hilda Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas

black belt Fashion intruder joke

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Sabrina: Hey, Roxie, what's your family doing for Christmas?

Roxie: The usual. We put up an aluminum tree, get take-out from Taco Bell, and then I watch my Dad and step-mom exchange cartons of Winston Lights.

Morgan: Your family exchanges cigarettes?

Roxie: Hey, it's just not Christmas without a visit from Jolly old St. Nicotine!

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Sabrina's Perfect Christmas

Holidays Christmas present Pun Taco Bell Family

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Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek.

Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals

Dating Relationships joke Pun Climate Change

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Sabrina: Hey, guys, having fun?

Roxie: I'm standing here with Miles, what do you think?

Miles: If this is the best party of all time, I'm glad I'm a social outcast.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: The Halloween Scene

party Outcast Socially Awkward Introvert awkward Bored Relatable

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Salem: That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside?

Sabrina: Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig.

Salem: Hey, pigs are people too!

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Some of My Best Friends are Half-Mortals

Cat animal Pig Dating misogynist Selfish Rejection Prejudice

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Roxie: This is journalism, you write the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

Sabrina: But what if the chips destroy somebody?

Roxie: I think I'm beginning to understand who Sabrina Spellman is. You can't handle the truth!

Sabrina: I can handle the truth. I just can't handle the guilt.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's

Journalism Truth Guilt Philosophical Moral Dilemma

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Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries?

Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's

Raunchy Irreverent joke Womanhood

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So what are you looking forward to most about being a Mu Pi? Doing your toenails with the other girls, or highlighting each other's hair?

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: House of Pi's

Sororities Girly College Making Fun Impersonation

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Pete: Hey, hi, I'm... I'm Pete, from your English Lit class. I was wondering if you'd, uh... you'd like to, um...

Roxie: ...grade your pickup line? D minus.

Sabrina: That wasn't a pickup line.

Pete: Oh, actually, it was. You, uh, wanna go to a movie Saturday night?

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Heart of the Matter

Dating awkward Pick Up Lines Rude

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Sabrina: They have parties on Monday night?

Josh: This is college. They have parties every night.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Double Time

School College party Relatable

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Sabrina: Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs.

Miles: Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?

Sabrina: Pigs and chicken butts?

Miles: Government subsidized farms. They're fed chemicals and hormones. It's not natural. I'm sorry, Sabrina, but my body is my temple.

Sabrina: So you're filling it with sacred Sugar Bombs?

Miles: They turn the milk purple.

— Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 5: Double Time

Health Veganism joke satire Ironic

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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch Characters

About the author

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.