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“Cartman: More tea, Rumpertumskin?

Rumpertumskin: Yes, please, Eric. You are tough and handsome.

Cartman: Thank you, Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog?

Clyde Frog: I think you're a big fat piece of crap.

Cartman: AY!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: Tough, Handsome, insults, Crap
“Chief Running Water: I knew that she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things.

Mrs. Cartman: 'Oh Chief, I want your hot man-chowder.'

Chief Running Water: Whoa, Hell-o!”
— Ms. Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: Hot Man-chowder, Romantic
“Mrs. Crabtree: COME ON! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!

Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch!

Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Stan: I said we're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch.

Mrs. Crabtree: [calmly] Oh. Alright then. [drives off]

Kyle: Whoa, dude!

Stan: I always wondered if that would work.”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: fat ugly bitch, insults
“Cartman: Mom, can I ask you a question?

Mrs. Cartman: Sure, Hun.

Cartman: You know how my friend Stan has, like, a dad?

Mrs. Cartman: Uh-huh.

Cartman: And my friend Kyle has a dad and my friend Kenny has a dad?

Mrs. Cartman: Yes?

[long pause]

Mrs. Cartman: Well, what's your question, Hun?

Cartman: Goddamn it, do I have a dad?!

Mrs. Cartman: Oh!

Cartman: I want to know where I came from.

Mrs. Cartman: Oh. Hmm. Well, you see, Eric, sometimes when a man and a woman are attracted to each other, they want to be close to each other.

Cartman: Uh-huh...

Mrs. Cartman: And sometimes the man puts his hoo-hoo dilly in the woman's cha-cha.

[long pause]

Cartman: So who put his hoo-hoo dilly in your cha-cha?”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: facts of life, Birds and Bees, Reproduction, Hoo-Hoo Dilly, Cha-Cha, Euphemisms
“Kyle: Well, that whole experience sure sucked.

Stan: Yeah, I'm sure glad it's over.

Kyle: But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.

Cartman: Yeah, and I've learned something too. Robert Smith kicks ass!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Mecha-Streisand
Tagged: Robert Smith, Kickass, Power
“Stan: Wow, Robert Smith is the greatest person who ever lived!

Jesus: Our savior!”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 1: Mecha-Streisand
Tagged: Robert Smith, The Cure, savior, jesus
“Barbra Streisand: You know who I am?

Officer Barbrady: Well you aren't Fiona Apple, and if you aren't Fiona Apple I don't give a rat's ass!

Barbra Streisand: [screams in anger]

Officer Barbrady: Whoa, what a bitch!”
— Barbra Streisand, South Park, Season 1: Mecha-Streisand
Tagged: fiona apple, Barbra Streisand, Bitch
“Wendy: Ms. Ellen, can I talk to you?

Ms. Ellen: Of course, Wendy.

Wendy: I couldn't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend Stan.

Ms. Ellen: Well, I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so young and cute and full of life...

Wendy: Can I tell you something, Ms. Ellen?

Ms. Ellen: Of course, Wendy.

Wendy: [flips her off] Don't fuck with me!

Ms. Ellen: What?!

Wendy: You heard me! Stay away from my man, bitch or I'll whoop your sorry ho-ass back to last year! [sweetly] Bye, Ms. Ellen!”
— Wendy, South Park, Season 1: Tom's Rhinoplasty
Tagged: Catfights
“I don’t think everyone here is racist, but I think a lot are racially insensitive and Trump has allowed that to grow.”
— Wanda Shirk,
Tagged: Pennsylvania, Ulysses Pennsylvania
“I'm going to do what I've always wanted to do: hang out and screw hot chicks!”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Tom's Rhinoplasty
Tagged: hot chicks, screwing
“Mr. Garrison: I feel kinda nauseous.

Tom: Yes, that's to be expected. We did some major reconstruction, sawed through some bone, snapped some cartilage, all the blood and mucus just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart. [makes disgusting noises of bone and blood]

Mr. Garrison: Arrgh!

Tom: By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?

Mr. Garrison: [throws up] Stop! That movie was terrible!

Tom: I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison. Why don't you get some rest and I'll check on you a little later.

Mr. Garrison: Sat through that entire movie to see the alien and it was her goddamn father!”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Tom's Rhinoplasty
Tagged: Nausea, Rhinoplasty, contact, Alien, Vomiting
“Jacob: I wanna know why you won't go back to the Island.

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes: 'Cause I'm cursed.

Jacob: Is that so?

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes: Uh-huh. That's why the plane crashed, my friends died--Libby, Charlie. Now they visit me, and I can't make it stop.

Jacob: Well, what if you weren't cursed? What if you were blessed?

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes: How do you mean "blessed?"

Jacob: Well, you get to talk to people you've lost... seems like a pretty wonderful thing to me.”
— Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Lost, Season 5: The Incident
Tagged: Cursed, Can't Go Back, Losing People
“Mr. Garrison: The new law states, can't sing any songs having to Jesus or Santa Claus.

Cartman: Thanks to Kyle's mother.

Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!

Mr. Garrison: So anybody knows any non-Santa or non-Jesus, Christmas song.

[Cartman raises his hand]

Mr. Garrison: Yes, Eric?

Cartman: How about we sing Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch in D minor.

Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch, Cartman!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Tagged: jesus, Santa Claus, stupid bitch
“Richard Alpert: Over, uh, twenty years ago, a man named John Locke, he walked right into our camp. And he told me that he was going to be our leader. Now I've gone off the Island three times, to visit him. But he never seemed particularly special to me.

Jack Shephard: You said you had a question.

Richard Alpert: You know him? Locke?

Jack Shephard: Yeah. Yeah, I know him. And if I were you, I wouldn't give up on him.”
— Jack Shephard, Lost, Season 5: The Incident
Tagged: Don't Give Up, Don't Give Up On Him
“Mr. Garrison: Kyle, is there anything you can do for the Christmas play that isn't related to Jesus?

Sheila: How about the dreidel song, boobie?

Kyle: I can sing the Mr. Hankey song.

Mr. Garrison: The Mr. Hankey song, how does that go?

Kyle: [singing] Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love...

Stan: Christmas poo?

Cartman: What the hell is Christmas poo?!

Kyle: Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, haven't you guys ever heard of it?

Sheila: Kyle, that is enough!

Mr. Garrison: See, that's what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan.

Sheila: Now that does it! I am going straight to the mayor about you Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, wait, wait. I'm sorry, was it the pagan remark?”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Tagged: dreidel, Christmas, Pagan, Christmas Poo
“I've seen this Island do miraculous things. I've seen it heal the sick, but never once has it done anything like this. Dead is dead. You don't get to come back from that, not even here. So the fact that John Locke is walking around this Island... scares the living hell out of me.”
— Benjamin Linus, Lost, Season 5: Dead Is Dead
Tagged: spooky, Scared As Hell, Scared, dead
“Stan: You know, I think I've learned something today. It's really easy not to think of images on TV as real people, but they are. That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials but people on TV are as real as you or I.

Kyle: That means that MacGyver is a real person, too!”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Tagged: TV, Reality, MacGyver
“Cartman: Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?

Mr. Garrison: I don't know, Eric, they just do.

[Kyle sniffs Kenny in disgust]”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Tagged: Poor People, Smells
“Cartman: Starvin' Marvin, that's my pot pie!

Stan: Cartman, you butt pipe! This is the time of year you're supposed to share!

Cartman: Oh yeah! Are you going to eat all of your peach cobbler, Starvin' Marvin? Aw, you don't want all that, why don't you share it with me, NEH? NEH, NEH, NEH?”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Tagged: sharing food
“What are your most used 'Etsy searches'?”
— Elsie Larson, Just 10 Little Things To Love This July
Tagged: Things, Products, Happiness, Joy
“Damien: [sadly] Well, goodbye, guys. It was nice getting to know you.

Stan: You're leaving already?

Damien: I have to. My Dad's always on the move.

[He walks away sadly.]

Stan: Wow, I feel kinda bad for that kid.

Kyle: Yeah, just when he was being accepted he has to leave and start over.

Stan: Parents can be so cruel. Don't they realize what a child needs more than anything is security?”
— Damien Thorn, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: Leaving, Goodbyes, cruel, Parents
“Beauty and grooming should be these gorgeous bursts of wind beneath your wings so you can figure out how to feel a little cuter and look in the mirror and get those endorphins and be like, ‘I feel good!’”
— Jonathan Van Ness, Queer Eye's Jonathan Van Ness On His Personal Beauty Routine
Tagged: beauty, Beauty Routines, Wellness, Happiness, Self-Care
“I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm not big into exercising out in nature unless the path is both quick and easy.”
— Emily Schuman, How to Spend 72 Hours in Portland, Oregon
Tagged: travel, Wanderlust, Portland, Pacific Northwest
“Cartman: Ants in the Pants?! ANTS IN THE PANTS?!

Kyle: It's a game, dude. It's really fun.

Cartman: You son of a bitch! You were supposed to get me red megaman! Now I can't make Ultra Mega Megaman! You dirty cheap ass piece of crap!

Kyle: They were all out of them, Dude!

Cartman: I hate you! I want you to die!

[after Cartman yells and kicks everyone out]

Damien: Wow, that kid has some real emotional problems.

Stan: Ah, he does this all the time.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: ants in the pants, Games, emotional problems
“Stan: Man, recess sucks without any slides or nothing.

Cartman: [Damien approaches] Oh, here comes the unholy butthole now. Hey! Thanks a lot for burning everything down, you little bitch!

Damien: I a-pologize for ruining your playground and turning your friend into a duck-billed platypus. I was doing my father's bidding. I didn't have a choice.

[Cartman farts beside him.]

Cartman: Oh! Excuse me, new kid. I didn't mean to fart on you, I didn't have a choice.

[Damien looks angry enough to burst a blood vessel, but he does nothing]

Stan: Phew! You stink, new kid. You smell like a fart.

Kyle: Yeah, we're gonna call you fart-boy from now on.

[Damien walks away from them]

Stan: Bye bye, fart-boy!

Kyle: See you!

Pip: Good day, how are you, Damien?

Damien: Those guys farted on me, and then called me...

Pip: Fart-boy? Oh, good! Perhaps they won't call me that anymore.”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: Farting, recess, Butthole, platypus
“Why is she doing this? people asked, stealing glances at March.

Some had a larger question:

Who was Anna March?”
— Melissa Chadburn, Carolyn Kellogg, Literary ambition. Fabulous parties. A hidden past. Who is Anna March?
Tagged: Lit World, Writers, Writing, Anna March, Scams, Fraud, Money
“Damien: Everybody hates me.

Mr. Mackey: Well, uh, why do you suppose that is?

Damien: Because I'm the son of the Devil.

Mr. Mackey: Uh-huh, that's a good start. Why else?

Damien: Because I...burn and kill them?”
— Damien Thorn, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: devil, Hate, burn, Kill
“Pip: Oh, good day, Damien. My name is Phillip, but everyone calls me Pip, because they hate me.

Damien: Then I will call you Pip.

Pip: Right-o.”
— Pip Pirrip, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: Nicknames
“Maybe they know their douche-y behavior sometimes winds up being discussion fodder in these circles. And then there’s the possibility that they love group texts — but can’t admit it.”
— Miles Klee, Men, It’s Time to Embrace the Group Chat And Admit You Love to Gossip
Tagged: Gossip, Men, Masculinity
“In a world where your reputation is constantly on trial, everyone becomes a virtual judge.”
— Clay Skipper, This Is What Happened When I Asked My Friends to Rate Me
Tagged: Ratings, Being Liked, The Digital Age, Rating People, Judgement

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About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.