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Mr. Garrison Quotes

Total quotes: 6
“Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien?

Damien: The seventh layer of hell!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: Hell, Alabama
“Where has my country gone?
Where has my country gone?
It was a land of opportunity that we held dear
But now all these other assholes are coming here.”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 19: Where My Country Gone?
Tagged: Assholes, MAGA, Land of Opportunity
“I do not have sex with boys. I like men my own age. Ah! I mean I like women. Ah! What did I just say? I like titties!”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 4: Cartman Joins NAMBLA
Tagged: NAMBLA, Sex With Boys, Confessions, Titties
“Gay people? Gay people are evil, right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Tagged: Homophobia, Evil, Nazi, Vomitous, violent, Black Hearts
“Well, they can't say fag, you have to be a homosexual to say that.”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 5: It Hits the Fan
Tagged: fag, Homosexual
“[writing] Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about. [aside to Mr. Hat] Oh, yeah, Mr. Hat! Hot lesbo scene coming up! And as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. 'Go on,' Rebecca said softly. 'Touch me.' Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips. It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves, tall and mighty, all around her, wi— [Mr. Hat slowly slides under the desk] Mr. Hat, what the heck are you doing? ...oh, Mr. Hat!”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 4: Cherokee Hair Tampons
Tagged: Penises, Porn, Naked
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