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Dan Castellaneta Quotes

Total quotes (27)

Dan Castellaneta

Dan Castellaneta

Birthname

Birthday October 29, 1957

Birthplace Oak Park, Illinois, United States

Educated At Northern Illinois University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Television Actor, Film Actor, Dub Actor, Stage Actor, Screenwriter

Spouse Deb Lacusta

Characters Portrayed

Total quotes (27)

OH, NO! 239 lbs?!? I'm a whale! Why are all the good things so tasty?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: Homer's Night Out

fat Overweight Metaphor Examples Whale Good Things Tasty

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Bart: TV sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

TV Sucks upset Pretend Ignore

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Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood

weaseling Important Learning Animals

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Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer and Apu

Learned Life Defeat Wish

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Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets an Elephant

Participating Sporting Events Win Lose Drunk

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Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: Stark Raving Dad

Reading Writing pay off

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You're as cute as a bug's ear.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Lisa the Beauty Queen

Cute Simile Examples bug's ear

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Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?

— Krusty the Clown (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Lisa's First Word

sock in it preppy Free Burgers cost

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Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

Fighting argument Debate America Land of Opportunity Capitalism Blood workers

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Homer: Do you sell toys?

Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt which I call frogurt.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Treehouse of Horror III

Toys forbidden objects tread Frozen Yogurt

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Barney: But I only got up to go the the can!

Homer: Hey, I don't see your name engraved on this bar stool.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 2: Bart the Daredevil

difficult Sassy name engraved bar stool

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Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee but... Mmmm, sacralicious.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer Loves Flanders

God waffle food

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Homer: Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Rosebud

Lose Wiggle butt public Belief skeptical

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Ned: Hidilly-hey!

Homer: Go home.

Ned: Toodledy-do!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare

mean greetings Home orders

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Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Education Smart New Learning Consequences Brain Wine Driving Drunk Driving

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I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Homer the Heretic

Bad Guy Work Hard Love Sunday Hell

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You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle – his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: Saturdays of Thunder

Miracle winning smile button nose fat Mischief World Crushed Spirit

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The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor; and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: $pringfield

Gambling monster Enslaved Personification Examples

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Lisa: Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.

Homer: That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Call of

Advice Stars Astronomy Class Woods Directions

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You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little trooper.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: $pringfield

cry Sad Tears laughed trooper

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Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.

— Grandpa (Dan Castellaneta), Hey Arnold!, Season 1: Roughin' It

Nature beauty ugly

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D'oh!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: Moaning Lisa

Catchphrase dang it oh man

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Homer's Brain: Don't you get it? You've got to use reverse psychology.

Homer: That sounds too complicated.

Homer's Brain: OK, don't use reverse psychology.

Homer: All right, I will!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: Saturdays of Thunder

reverse psychology Complicated Example

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Stupid family going to stupid Flanders' stupid barbecue. What if they got back and I was dead from not eating? Then they'd be sorry. They'd say, 'Oh no, why did we go to Flanders barbecue? Why did we leave Homer all alone without any food?' And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave. Heh heh heh.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: When Flanders Failed

Family Barbecue food grave Laughing Death Starvation

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The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy how to be a man! Let's see: Don't tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do, and what else...?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: Bart the General

Rules Code schoolyard tattle Making Fun Of Other People

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Homer: Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um... let's see, poison.

Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?

Bart: Poison pizza.

Homer: Oh no, I'm not making two stops.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

parent teacher conference Pizza Good Bad two stops

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[Principal Skinner offers a solution to Bart’s problems at school.]

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider deportation.

Marge: Deportation?! You mean kick Bart out of the country?!

Homer: Hear him out, Marge.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

School suspension explusion Deportation Extreme Country Crock

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