Dan Castellaneta Quotes

Total quotes (58)

Dan Castellaneta

Dan Castellaneta

Birthname

Birthday October 29, 1957

Birthplace Oak Park, Illinois, United States

Educated At Northern Illinois University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Television Actor, Film Actor, Dub Actor, Stage Actor, Screenwriter

Spouse Deb Lacusta

Characters Portrayed

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Total quotes (58)

OH, NO! 239 lbs?!? I'm a whale! Why are all the good things so tasty?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: Homer's Night Out

fat Overweight Metaphor Examples Whale Good Things Tasty

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Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.

Homer: Sorry, Marge. Some wiseguy stuck a cork in the bottle.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath

Glass Wine wiseguy cork bottle

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Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 8: Mountain of Madness

Ideas intriguing subscribe newsletter

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Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer and Apu

Learned Life Defeat Wish

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Bart: TV sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

TV Sucks upset Pretend Ignore

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Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood

weaseling Important Learning Animals

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Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets an Elephant

Participating Sporting Events Win Lose Drunk

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Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 17: The Italian Bob

People learn Language food Eat

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To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 8: Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

Alcohol Drinking solution Life Problems

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It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: Colonel Homer

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To start, press any key. Where’s the ANY key?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer

any key Start Literally Questions dumb

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Everything lasts forever.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great

Everything Forever Everlasting

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Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 3: Stark Raving Dad

Reading Writing pay off

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Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.

— Grandpa (Dan Castellaneta), Hey Arnold!, Season 1: Roughin' It

Nature beauty ugly

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Oh boy, dinner time. The perfect break between work and drunk.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 19: Dial 'N' for Nerder

Dinner food Work Drunk Break

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Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Marge vs. the Monorail

Donuts Obsession Tasty

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You're as cute as a bug's ear.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Lisa the Beauty Queen

Cute Simile Examples bug's ear

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You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Burns' Heir

tried your best failed Lesson never try Parenting

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Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?

— Krusty the Clown (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Lisa's First Word

sock in it preppy Free Burgers cost

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What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 7: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

what's the point Questions Lazy Going Out

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I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 4: Homer the Heretic

Bad Guy Work Hard Love Sunday Hell

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Ned: Hidilly-hey!

Homer: Go home.

Ned: Toodledy-do!

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare

mean greetings Home orders

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Homer: Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Rosebud

Lose Wiggle butt public Belief skeptical

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Bart: What the hell's menopause?

Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 16: Goo Goo Gai Pan

Menopause stork babies shot drunken hunters

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Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

— Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta), The Simpsons, Season 5: Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Education Smart New Learning Consequences Brain Wine Driving Drunk Driving

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