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Dan Castellaneta Quotes

Total quotes: 36
“OH, NO! 239 lbs?!? I'm a whale! Why are all the good things so tasty?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 1: Homer's Night Out
Tagged: fat, Overweight, Metaphor Examples, Whale, Good Things, Tasty
“Bart: TV sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: Itchy & Scratchy
Tagged: TV, Sucks, upset, Pretend, Ignore
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
Tagged: weaseling, Important, Learning, Animals
“Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer and Apu
Tagged: Learned, Life, Defeat, Wish
“Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 17: The Italian Bob
Tagged: People, learn, Language, food, Eat
“Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Stark Raving Dad
Tagged: Reading, Writing, pay off
“To start, press any key. Where’s the ANY key?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: King-Size Homer
Tagged: any, key, Start, Literally, Questions, dumb
“Everything lasts forever.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Everything, Forever, Everlasting
“Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.”
— Grandpa, Hey Arnold!, Season 1: Roughin' It
Tagged: Nature, beauty, ugly
“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Colonel Homer
Tagged: Lie, Listen, two
“Homer: Do you sell toys?

Shopkeeper: We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt which I call frogurt.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: Treehouse of Horror III
Tagged: Toys, forbidden objects, tread, Frozen Yogurt
“Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle Bart threw up there

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee but... Mmmm, sacralicious.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer Loves Flanders
Tagged: God, waffle, food
“Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath
Tagged: Fighting, argument, Debate, America, Land of Opportunity, Capitalism, Blood, workers
“Barney: But I only got up to go the the can!

Homer: Hey, I don't see your name engraved on this bar stool.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Bart the Daredevil
Tagged: difficult, Sassy, name, engraved, bar stool
“Ned: Hidilly-hey!

Homer: Go home.

Ned: Toodledy-do!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Cape Feare
Tagged: mean, greetings, Home, orders
“Homer: Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Rosebud
Tagged: Lose, Wiggle, butt, public, Belief, skeptical
“Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Tagged: Education, Smart, New, Learning, Consequences, Brain, Wine, Driving, Drunk Driving
“Bart: What the hell's menopause?

Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 16: Goo Goo Gai Pan
Tagged: Menopause, stork, babies, shot, drunken hunters
“You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle – his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Saturdays of Thunder
Tagged: Miracle, winning smile, button nose, fat, Mischief, World, Crushed, Spirit
“No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Homer at the Bat
Tagged: Good, better, Million, no matter
“Homer's Brain: Don't you get it? You've got to use reverse psychology.

Homer: That sounds too complicated.

Homer's Brain: OK, don't use reverse psychology.

Homer: All right, I will!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Saturdays of Thunder
Tagged: reverse psychology, Complicated, Example
“What kind of a sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart vs. Australia
Tagged: Sick, country, kick, giant boot
“ Look at this country: U-R-Gay!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart vs. Australia
Tagged: teasing, Names, country
“Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets Famous
Tagged: hello, Phone, Speak Up, towel, Naked
“D'oh!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 1: Moaning Lisa
Tagged: Catchphrase, dang it, oh man
“Stupid family going to stupid Flanders' stupid barbecue. What if they got back and I was dead from not eating? Then they'd be sorry. They'd say, 'Oh no, why did we go to Flanders barbecue? Why did we leave Homer all alone without any food?' And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave. Heh heh heh.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: When Flanders Failed
Tagged: Family, Barbecue, food, grave, Laughing, Death, Starvation
“Stupid TV! Be more funny!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Marge on the Lam
Tagged: Stupid, TV, Funny, Command
“Yes! ‘Crisitunity!’”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Fear of Flying
Tagged: Yes, Crisis, Opportunity, combined words
“Without TV, it is hard to know when one day ends and another begins.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 11: Missionary
Tagged: TV, hard, day ends, begins, Timing
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: Duffless
Tagged: Kill, Death, Beer, Thirst, sweet, Tasty
“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 14: How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
Tagged: Simile Examples, Marriage, Coffin, Children, nails
“Homer: Can we stop? I have to go to the bathroom.

Kidnapper: You just went five minutes ago!

Homer: I have a bladder the size of a brazil nut!

Kidnapper: We just call them nuts here”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 13: Blame It on Lisa
Tagged: bathroom, Kidnapped, Requests, Bladder, Pee
“All I want is what everyone wants: preferential treatment.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 23: Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
Tagged: Everyone, Wants, Needs, preferential treatment
“Look. Just give me some inner peace, or I'll mop the floor with ya.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 8: The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer
Tagged: Inner Peace, Threat, Metaphor Examples, angry
“My pudding is trapped forever.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: A Streetcar Named Marge
Tagged: Pudding, trapped, bottom of cup
“In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: The PTA Disbands
Tagged: House, Obey, Laws, thermodynamics
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