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Butt-head Quotes

Total quotes: 29
“Uhh, the Yiddish are coming.  Huh-huh-huh.  The Yiddish are coming.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: british, Yiddish
“Daria:  You guys will never graduate.

Butt-head:  Uhh…never masturbate?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: The Mystery of Morning Wood
Tagged: graduate, masturbate, Misheard
“Butt-head:  [to McVicker]  You just weren't reaching us, dude.

Beavis:  Yeah, and if you try reaching for us, I'll kick you in the nads!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
Tagged: reaching, Double Entendre
“Uhh, thank you oh great master for your wisdom.  But, uh, we were like wondering if you could like, bite us?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: Werewolves of Highland
Tagged: Wisdom, bite us
“[Beavis and Butt-head walk up to a female police officer who is posing as a prostitute]
Butt-head:  Hey, baby…so, like, how much?

Officer:  Fifty.

Butt-head:  Cool.  Beavis, do you have fifty cents?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: U.S. History
Tagged: undercover cop, prostitution
“[as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address]  When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick's father brought forth upon me a prostitute.  Huh-huh.  Because some dudes just weren't created equal.  Huh-huh.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, Prostitute
“Hey spank your own monkey all you want, but keep your hands off mine.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Babes R Us
Tagged: masturbation, Spanking the Monkey
“Buzzcut: And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!?

Butt-head: Uhh…no.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Water Safety
Tagged: Compassion
“[watching a Violent Femmes video] I don't understand what the big deal is about breaking up. I'd just be like "Hey baby, get lost. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
“[laughs while reading a label of superglue] It says "Use on wood."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Beard Boys
“What does the president of the United States think about when he goes to the bathroom?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Rabies Scare
Tagged: President of the United States, bathroom
“Hey Beavis, I hear that if you fill a room with gas, and light a match, all the oxygen, like, disappears, and we'll get a killer buzz!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Stewart's House
“[while watching a KISS video]

You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: The Butt-Head Experience
“[watching a Morrissey music video] Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Blackout!
“[Watching a Public Image Ltd music video] 

Public Image Ltd.: I could be black, I could be white...
 
Butt-head: You're WHITE.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Customers Suck
“[while watching the video to Bananarama's "Venus] These chicks should marry GWAR.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Beavis and Butt-head Meet God
“The fatter they are, the fatter they fall.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Bedpans & Broomsticks
Tagged: Fat-Shaming
“[at a pet store] Do you sell any dead animals?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Good Credit
Tagged: dead animals
“I don't like stuff that sucks.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Customers Suck
Tagged: Sucks, stuff
“Beavis: M-80s?

Butt-head: Firecrackers?

[Mexican woman shrugs]

Beavis: Fireworks?

[Mexican woman shrugs]

Butt-head: These people are stupid.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Way Down Mexico Way
Tagged: Firecrackers, Stupid
“Mr. Van Driessen: Today, we're going to explore the world of haiku.

Butt-head: We're gonna explore the world of getting high? Cool! Huh huh.

Mr. Van Driessen: No, Butt-head. Not ‘high, cool,’ but the ancient, Japanese, spare, haunting poetry called ‘haiku.’”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: For Better or Verse
Tagged: haiku, Getting High, Japanese
“Fort Dix? Is that anywhere near fort nuts?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
“I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Most Wanted
“Beavis: [sings] Don't wanna fall in mud!

Butt-head: [sings] All I wanna do is sell my blood!

Beavis: What do you think they pay for, like, a gallon of blood?

Butt-head: Just be cool, dude! Don't take their first offer!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 1: Blood Drive
Tagged: blood drive, Negotiation
“I'm gonna slap you around like a redheaded stepchild!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Baby Makes Uh, Three
Tagged: stepchild, Threats
“Sergeant: I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms. I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.

Butt-head: Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
Tagged: Fort Dix, Ammo, Guns, Grenades, army
“Uh…I've got a crisis…in my pants.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Crisis Line
Tagged: Crisis, erection
“Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Top O' The Mountain
Tagged: I have been to the mountaintop, it is good
“Mr. O'Brien: Alright, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand?

Butt-head: Uh…yeah. [detector buzzes 'false'] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [detector dings 'true'] Huh huh huh.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Pipe Of Doom
Tagged: polygraph, Truthful, Guilt
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