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“The Constitution gives the House of Representatives the sole power to impeach an official, and it makes the Senate the sole court for impeachment trials. The power of impeachment is limited to removal from office but also provides for a removed officer to be disqualified from holding future office. Fines and potential jail time for crimes committed while in office are left to civil courts.”
— House of Representatives, How Impeachment Works
Tagged: Impeachment, History
“Bo Duke: Man, I’m never gonna get out of this car again! I’m gonna live in it, I’m gonna eat in it, and I’m gonna make sweet love to it!

Luke Duke: You mean you’re gonna make sweet love in it.

Bo Duke: Oh no, I’m gonna have sex with it.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: sex in a car, sex with a car
“Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?

Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: China, Chinese Food
“Luke, you manwhore.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Manwhore
“[after shooting a gas can with a flaming arrow] Boom-shakalaka.”
— Bo Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: boom-shakalaka
“[Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine
“Just the good ol’ boys/Never meanin’ no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin’ the curves/Flattenin’ the hills/Someday the mountain might get ’em but the law never will/Makin’ their way the only way they know how/That’s just a little bit more than the law would allow/Just the good ol’ boys/Wouldn’t change if they could/ Fightin’ the system like a true modern day Robin Hood.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Good Ol' Boys, Moonshine, Robin Hood
“Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are you doin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: What I’m about to do, I don’t want to remember a lot of it. [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine, Incendiary Devices
“Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blondes are so much alike?

Luke Duke: No.

Uncle Jesse: At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: sucking, BLowing, tornados, Dumb Blonde Jokes
“You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Viagra, Politicians
“Luke Duke: You thinkin’ about throwin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: Oh, I’m gonna throw it...I was thinkin’ about pussy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Thinking, Pussy, Sexual Fantasies
“Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?

Luke Duke: Why?

Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they’re worth it.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Divorce, expensive, Jokes
“Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party’s over.

Boss Hogg: Damn right it is! As long as I’m the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!

Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.

Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?

Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.

Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!

Uncle Jesse: And you’re going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?

Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go ‘Dogs!

Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me, too.

Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?

Uncle Jesse: For this! [Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]

Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him, too.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: georgia, Penitentiary, Pardon
“Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn license!

Luke Duke: What license?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: license, Jokes, Goddamn
“Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Jokes, Donkey, onion, Piece of Ass
“Here’s another one: Drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, ‘Why don’t you watch where you’re going?’ The drunk looks at him and says, ‘Why don’t you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?’”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Drunk, grandfther clock, wristwatch, Jokes
“Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A playboy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Farmer, Sheep, Playboy
“I think something bounced up in my undercarriage.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Double Entendre
“Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff’s office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos? [leans in very close to him] Where’s Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?

Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.

Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos. [gets up and walks off smiling] That’s got to be a new record.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Sexy
“Daisy Duke: They planted a still on our farm.

Pauline: They planted a still? Why would they have to plant a still?

Daisy Duke: ‘Cause they’re too damn dumb to find our real still.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine
“Daisy Duke: You know what’s gonna happen? They’re gonna get caught and get thrown in jail. Then I’m gonna have to shake my ass at somebody to get them out.

Uncle Jesse: That’s why we love ya, honey.”
— Daisy Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Jail, ass
“The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn’t kickin’ mine.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Kick Ass
“Man in bowling alley: Come on, boy. Bowl!

Roy: The name’s not boy. It’s Roy. [makes a spare] Roy Munson.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling
“Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don’t mow another guy’s lawn.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Piece of Shit, coveting thy neighbor's wife
“That coffee wasn’t even hot. [takes a sip of coffee] Now, that’s hot.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Hot Coffee
“Roy: Just because you’re familiar with the missionary position doesn’t make you a missionary.

Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you’re not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.

Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: MIssionary Position, missionary
“Roy: [Whispering so as not to awake Claudia, whom he means to leave behind] Just be quiet.

[as Ishmael whispers ‘okay,’ Roy trips and falls]

Roy: Ooh! I think I tore my sac.

Ishmael: [loudly] Are you okay, Mr. Munson?

Roy: Shh! What did I just say?

Ishmael: Uh, ‘I think I tore my sac’?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: tiptoeing, Slapstick
“Roy: What about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the novelty machine in the men’s room? I mean, those are fun even when you’re alone.

Lancaster Bowl Manager: Yeah.

Roy: You get it?

Lancaster Bowl Manager: [impatiently, trying to read his Asian Brides magazine] Yeah!

Roy: This is like the hula hoop of the nineties. People go nuts!

Lancaster Bowl Manager: No! Look, we don’t even have a novelty machine in the men’s room anymore.

Roy: And you call this a bowling alley?”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Bowling Alley, fluorescent condoms, Asian Brides, novelty machine
“Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?

Roy: I don’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Drinking, puking
“McKnight Bowl Bartender: So, you two are dictionary salesmen?

Roy: You would be punctilious in assuming that.”
— Roy Munson, Kingpin
Tagged: Dictionary, Punctilious

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About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.