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Quotes tagged “Married Couple”
As he's leaving, she says, "if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with 12 loaves of bread.”
A much older woman and a much younger woman are sitting on the front porch when all of a sudden the younger woman looked up and saw her husband coming towards her with a dozen red roses. Disgusted, she said to her friend, "Well it looks like I'll be up all night long with my legs up in the air." Confused, the elderly woman ask, "What's a matter? Ain't you got a vase?"”
Steve says, "Before I have sex with a woman, I just bang my penis against the dresser for a couple minutes. That turns it numb and I can last for hours!"
Later that night the man begins to bang his penis on the dresser while he's wife is in the bathroom.
She calls out, "Steve? Is that you?"”
Which is ironic because I just got out of the shower.”
I asked why she pronounced it with a silent "B".”
The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender.”
His wife walks over and says, "I think you might be constipated."
The man replies, "Yeah no shit!”
Me: Killing Mosquitos
Wife: How many have you killed?
Me: Total 5. 2 Female and 3 Male
Wife: How did you know their gender?
Me: Three were near my beer bottle and two near my wallet”
Easiest decision of my life..”
She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.”
Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.”
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.”
...I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.”
"What? You can't think of anybody either?"”
The mother replied, 'It's daddy now close the fucking bedroom door!'”
We went out for drinks, and he was a pretty cool guy. He wants to be a web developer.”
Then we met.”
On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.”
How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake.”
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Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.
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