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“Hey, shut up you little pot-licker I'll stick you in a microwave!”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: pot licker, Microwave
“I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Drunk, Fantasies
“Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?

Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. [Chip is startled]

Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?

Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.

Ricky Bobby: Nice.

Texas Ranger: She said, 'No, you're wrong.' I said, 'You got a lumpy butt.' She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: pee pants, North Carolina, Washington DC, Lumpy Butt
“Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Hey, Ricky Bobby. Good to see you again.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks, man.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: You still owe me, like, 30 bucks.

Ricky Bobby: Oh no, man. you said that was a gift.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: You're a dirty liar!”
— Dale Earnhardt Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dale Earnhardt, owe, Dirty Liar
“Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!”
— Texas Ranger Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dogs, shut up
“My friends and I skipped school and we filled up a cup of pee and tried to get our neighbor's dog to drink it. But he wouldn't.”
— Walker Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dogs, urine drinking, cutting class
“Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants: to retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use.

Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.

Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?

Ricky Bobby: Nah, that's dumb.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Gay Marriage, alternative currencies, dumb
“Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: chipmunk, difference, Fear
“Ricky Bobby: Hey, Greg.

Greg Biffle: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey. Good to see you back.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks, bud.

Greg Biffle: You're not gonna be runnin' up the road in your underwear again, are ya? Like in Charlotte?

Ricky Bobby: You know what? That hurts, man. [Greg laughs, then suddenly stops]

Greg Biffle: Good to see you back.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Underwear, Charlotte, Embarrassment, insults, Greg Biffle
“Ricky Bobby: Oh hey, Casey.

Casey Mears: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey, Ricky.

Ricky Bobby: Good, man.

Casey Mears: I'm gonna wreck you today. [pause] I'm just kidding.

Ricky Bobby: Oh, haha. That' a good one.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: fake threats
“ I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, Anti-Christian, jumpsuit, Dancing
“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, tuxedo, formal, casual, party
“Jean Girard: [has Ricky in an arm lock] I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say...'I... love... crepes.'

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.

Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.

Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchie, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?

Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.

Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini! [he tries unsuccessfully to get free]

Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.

Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.

Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, 'I love crepes.'

Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.

Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.

Jean Girard: Yes, they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.

Ricky Bobby: Oh, my God, I love those.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.

Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?

Jean Girard: Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.

Ricky Bobby: Well, why didn't someone yell that right—right away?

Jean Girard: Do you know what's in the crepe suzette?

Ricky Bobby: Oh, I love the crepe suzette.

Jean Girard: With the sugar and lemon juice...

Ricky Bobby: Yeah, the sugar and the lemon juice. Sure.

Jean Girard: Grand Marnier.

Ricky Bobby: I wo—I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Pancakes, crepes suzette, arm lock, Cheese, fromage, Harry Houdini
“There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I... I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Playgirl Magazine, Male Nude Modeling
“[from the unrated version]
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I lost my license. That's why I'm on the bus... I'm delivering pizzas.

Passenger on Bus: Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up!

Ricky Bobby: I—I've just telling you that 'cause, like I said, I lost my license. I've just been having a lot of problems lately.

Passenger on Bus: Problems? I don't want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma got problems she just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up on somebody's finger! That's a problem!

Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: testicles, Problems, driver's license
“Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.

10-year-old Ricky: Dad!

Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?

10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.

Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote. [puts a cigarette in his mouth]

Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.

Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. OK, I am a semi-professional race car driver and an amateur tattoo artist.

Classmates: OOOOHHHH!

Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a race car driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.

Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.

Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid. [classmates all cheer]”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: peyote, career day, race car driver
“So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: psychosomatic, fire-starter, Misunderstanding
“Texas Ranger: [complaining about doing community service] When do we get to stop doing this, Grandma?

Lucy Bobby: Well, I don't know, honey. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?”
— Lucy Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: community service, Attempted Murder
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Stickers, fig newtons
“ [after driving in reverse to beat Jamie McMurray] Hey Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up! [Gives him the finger] It's real nice. I got it at Target. It was on sale.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Middle Finger, Target
“Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are terrible boys!

Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass!

Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!

Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!

Ricky Bobby: Come on!

Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!

Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!

Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.

Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!

Chip: What is wrong with you?

Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: apeshit, mountain dew
“Ricky Bobby: You sick sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs...all fat and cocky and lookin' at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.

Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: cocky, fat, sons of bitches, Articulate, Evil, Curses
“Baby Boss: I can’t do this without you, Tim.

Tim: We do make a pretty good team.

Baby Boss: No, literally, I can’t reach the door knobs.”
— Big Boss Baby, The Boss Baby
“Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake 'n Bake! [puts hand out]

Ricky Bobby: No, never again.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.

Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?

Ricky Bobby: It's like...Spanish for like a fighting chicken.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: el diablo, Magic Man, spanish, fighting chicken
“[on why Ricky should resume his racing career]
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?

Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: skeleton, Horse, demon, cobra, Chaos
“Aaah! Poop doody!”
— Big Boss Baby, The Boss Baby
Tagged: Poop
“Do you know who else wears diapers, astronauts and NASCAR drivers, that’s who. It’s called efficiency. The average toddler spends what, forty-five hours a year on the potty. I’m the boss, I don’t have that kind of spare time.”
— Big Boss Baby, The Boss Baby
Tagged: Diapers, Babies And Diapers
“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: newborn, Baby Jesus, baby einstein, gang-bangers, Stereotypes About Poor Whites
“Tim: We could share. 

Boss Baby: You obviously didn’t go to business school.”
— Big Boss Baby, The Boss Baby
Tagged: sharing, business school
“Dear 8 pounds, 6 ounces...newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: newborn, Baby Jesus

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About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

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