Stan Marsh Quotes
Total quotes (17)
Total quotes (17)
Kyle: Well, it looks like she's not going to show up, Stan. Let's go look for the visitors, now.
Stan: But her note said she'd be here.
[Wendy appears out of nowhere]
Wendy: Hi, Stan. want to catch. [Stan sees Wendy, then throws up] Eww!
Kyle: You can't talk to Stan, Wendy. He throws up when you do.
Wendy: But why Stan?
[Stan tries to hold on, but he vomits instead]
Stan: Thanks for your help, Wendy.
Wendy: Whatever, dude. I promise me you'll be here.
Stan: Hey, I didn't throw up.
Wendy: Cool! We're always be together.
[She's happy now. They both look at each other like they're going to kiss, and romantic music plays. Wendy puckers up. Stan gets queasy and vomits on her face]
Wendy: Hey, look, a French fry!
[Cartman punches Kyle in the shoulder]
Kyle: Ow! What the hell was that for?!
Cartman: That's for your stupid mother! She made me miss Terrance & Phillip last night!
Clyde: Yeah, what's the big idea having your mom call our moms last night?
Kyle: Well I didn't have her do it. She did it on her own.
Cartman: Why does this happen every month? It seems like, right around the same time every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something and I always end up getting screwed by it!
Mr. Garrison: Children! Children! A certain student's mother called me last night.
Cartman: [tauntingly] Oh, gee, I wonder whose mother that could have been?
Mr. Garrison: She informed me that some of you might be watching a, naughty show called Terrance & Phillip.
Class: Yeahh, woohoo!
Mr. Hat: Watching that show is bad, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: That's right, Mr. Hat, shows like Terrance & Phillip are what we call 'toilet humor.' They don't expand your minds.
Mr. Garrison: You see children, these kind of shows are senseless, vile trash.
[Kenny walks in]
Mr. Garrison: Kenny, why are you late to class?
[Kenny hands Mr. Garrison a note. The note reads 'Please excuse me from being late, I have a case of explosive Diarrhea, signed-K']
Mr. Garrison: Oh, okay Kenny, be seated.
[addressing the class]
Mr. Garrison: Now, as I was saying, the reason that parents of South Park are so upset is because...
[Kenny is waving his hand frantically]
Mr. Garrison: Yes Kenny, what is it?
Kenny: (I have to go pee.)
Mr. Garrison: I thought you just came from the bathroom.
Kenny: (I did, I gotta go again...)
Mr. Garrison: Okay okay, go ahead.
[Kenny goes in the restroom]
Mr. Garrison: As I was saying, you all seem to enjoy this show, even though it isn't based in reality. There's much more to life than two young men farting on each other. And throughout history there have always been shows that have come and gone that have been very bad, and usually they get taken right off the air. You see, you should be spending your time enlightening your minds with more intelligent entertainment.
[throughout the lecture, sounds of some serious diarrhea come from the bathroom. The sounds get progressively worse as Kenny reenters the classroom at the end of the lecture]
Stan: Whoa, smells like you slaughtered a cow in there, Kenny!
Mr. Garrison: Pay attention, children!
Stan: Dad, you like to drink. So have a drink once in a while. Have two. If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and you've never learned any discipline at all.
Randy: But, maybe...I'm just the kind of person who needs to have it all or nothing.
Stan: All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly, that's a discipline. Discipline comes from within.