Kyle: Ow! What the hell was that for?!
Cartman: That's for your stupid mother! She made me miss Terrance & Phillip last night!
Clyde: Yeah, what's the big idea having your mom call our moms last night?
Kyle: Well I didn't have her do it. She did it on her own.
Cartman: Why does this happen every month? It seems like, right around the same time every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something and I always end up getting screwed by it!
Mr. Garrison: Children! Children! A certain student's mother called me last night.
Cartman: [tauntingly] Oh, gee, I wonder whose mother that could have been?
Mr. Garrison: She informed me that some of you might be watching a, naughty show called Terrance & Phillip.
Class: Yeahh, woohoo!
Mr. Hat: Watching that show is bad, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: That's right, Mr. Hat, shows like Terrance & Phillip are what we call 'toilet humor.' They don't expand your minds.
Mr. Garrison: You see children, these kind of shows are senseless, vile trash.
[Kenny walks in]
Mr. Garrison: Kenny, why are you late to class?
[Kenny hands Mr. Garrison a note. The note reads 'Please excuse me from being late, I have a case of explosive Diarrhea, signed-K']
Mr. Garrison: Oh, okay Kenny, be seated.
[addressing the class]
Mr. Garrison: Now, as I was saying, the reason that parents of South Park are so upset is because...
[Kenny is waving his hand frantically]
Mr. Garrison: Yes Kenny, what is it?
Kenny: (I have to go pee.)
Mr. Garrison: I thought you just came from the bathroom.
Kenny: (I did, I gotta go again...)
Mr. Garrison: Okay okay, go ahead.
[Kenny goes in the restroom]
Mr. Garrison: As I was saying, you all seem to enjoy this show, even though it isn't based in reality. There's much more to life than two young men farting on each other. And throughout history there have always been shows that have come and gone that have been very bad, and usually they get taken right off the air. You see, you should be spending your time enlightening your minds with more intelligent entertainment.
[throughout the lecture, sounds of some serious diarrhea come from the bathroom. The sounds get progressively worse as Kenny reenters the classroom at the end of the lecture]
Stan: Whoa, smells like you slaughtered a cow in there, Kenny!
Mr. Garrison: Pay attention, children!”
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This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.
Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.
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