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Rob McElhenney Quotes

Total quotes: 36
“Dee: I am not a failure!

Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?

Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass
Tagged: Failure, Fail, Sassy, Diss
“When we get out of this, I'm gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast...Not in the sexual way! In the 'I am pissed off' sort of way.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Held Hostage
Tagged: angry, Frustrated, Pissed
“Ari Frankel: Just go get the dog.

Frank: I don't have the dog.

Ari Frankel: So you've been in here tearing apart pillows and... pooping... on the floor?

Frank: Yes.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: The Gang Goes Jihad
Tagged: dog, Hiding, Lies, Poop
“ I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: The Gang Gets Racist
Tagged: Dreams, Selfish, Sex, Indifferent, Listening
“I have a little bit of a problem with old people...I find them kinda creepy...and scary. And gross, kinda gross. It's their hands really, you can see right through 'em and all their inside business.”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: The Gang Finds A Dead Guy
Tagged: Old People, creepy, Gross, Old, hands
“ Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare
Tagged: Welfare, Crack, Recovering, Money
“Dee: Maybe you shouldn't have your window open!

Mac: maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of piss out the window!”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Gang Hits the Road
Tagged: window, Piss, Gross, angry
“Parenting is pretending you know what you're talking about, then jamming it down their throat!”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Dee Gives Birth
Tagged: Parenting, Forceful, Teaching, Parenthood, Fake It Until Make It
“Dennis: Name a Philadelphia celebrity you would like to have a drink with.

Dee: Bill Cosby.

Frank: The cards are a little outdated.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 11: Chardee MacDennis 2
Tagged: celebrity, Bill Cosby, Outdated
“Dude, it's amazing. Look at this. Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of this thing.”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby
Tagged: milk, Drink, Amazing, surprise
“Dennis: Lay it on us, bud.

Mac: It involves us pulling up our bootstraps, oiling up a couple of asses, and doing a little plowing of our own. Not gay sex.”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis
Tagged: gay, Sex, Euphomism, Hard Work
“ Keep singing, bitch! You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm through with you!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Singing, Anger, Threat, Mad, insults
“Frank: Hey, warm sun, cool ocean breezes, getting rip sh*t on ham.

Mac: Wouldn't you say we're getting... Hammered?”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
Tagged: Drinking, Hammered, Sun, Drunk
“Charlie: Why were you sleeping in?

Mac: Oh, God. Well, because I drank three bottles of champagne and hung out with a stray dog all night under a bridge, okay? It was sweet.”
— Ronald "Mac" McDonald, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: How Mac Got Fat
Tagged: Drunk, champagne, dog, sweet
“Dee: Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?

Dennis: I don't really have any convictions.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Charlie Wants an Abortion
Tagged: Convictions, Sex, Laid
“Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Held Hostage
Tagged: Noogie, angry, Wedgie, ass
“Frank: Anyone want any more catfish?

Charlie: Yo dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They're delicious. And you can taste that sort of endangered tang...”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
Tagged: Endangered, food, Catfish
“Mac: Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?

Sailor: Diabetes.

Mac: That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
Tagged: Diabetes, hand, tragic, Adventure
“Just so I'm clear, you don't actually think things are going to come alive because you're spending the night in museum, right?”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant
Tagged: Night At Museum, alive, Movie
“Dennis: What's wrong with the Jersey Shore?

Mac: Come on, you've seen that TV show. It's just a bunch of sweaty Guidos getting hopped up on energy drinks and giving each other diseases.”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
Tagged: Jersey Shore, Energy Drinks, Diseases
“Oh my God! I will...I will smash your face into- into a jelly!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Charlie Wants an Abortion
Tagged: Anger, Violence, Frustration, jelly
“I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer
Tagged: eggs, Wisdom, Problem Solving
“I am going to smack everyone into tiny...little...pieces!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Anger, Frustration, Smack, annoyed
“Fill me up with cream. Turn me into cannoli.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties
Tagged: Cannoli, cream, Gross
“Charlie: Okay, okay. First of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested and you guys are going to exploit that for your own personal gain? You jackholes are securing your places in hell.

Ryan: We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Charlie Got Molested
Tagged: Molested, Hell, Chance, Personal Gain
“I will make it work because I'm a genius.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 12: Old Lady House
Tagged: Make it Work , Genius, Creative
“I'm the queen of the night!”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The High School Reunion
Tagged: Queen, Night, confident
“Dee: I never statutory raped anyone before.

Trey: Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.

Dee: You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?

Trey: I was eight.”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Underage Drinking
Tagged: Sex, slow, young, Statutory Rape
“Frank: You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. You want this baby boy's hole, you gotta pay the troll toll.

Charlie: Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying 'boy's hole', and it's clearly 'soul.'”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Mistakes, Troll, Hole, Musical
“And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: Mac and Charlie Write a Movie
Tagged: Movie, Plot, Crime, Sex, film
“Frank: Charlie, you've got a lot of balls, stealing my money. This shows leadership, I am promoting you to management.

Charlie: That's why I did it.

Mac: That's why I did it too, Frank! I stole lots of your money, what do I get?

Frank: You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare
Tagged: Money, Stealing, Theft, Leadership
“I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little butt, I'm gonna to kick some butt in the U.S.A., gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little butt. ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE!!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass
Tagged: USA, Kick Butt, Eagle, Patriotic, Flag
“Charlie: Okay, okay, uh I just killed three very large rats that were stuck in glue traps.

Dennis: Good work.

Charlie: No, no, no. That's not good trap. I'm done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.

Dennis: That's why we call it Charlie Work”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass
Tagged: Work, Grunt Work, Job, Roles, task
“I was that little boy, that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I'm a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I'm here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry m'am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me, please just marry me!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Marriage, Proposal, stage, Matrimony
“Dennis: The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy top side, so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck, and you know, they can't refuse...because of the implication.

Mac: Okay you had me goin' there for the first half. The second half kinda threw me.

Dennis: Well dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere, with some dude she barely knows. She looks around and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. 'Ah there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?'

Mac: Okay. That seems really dark.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: The Gang Buys a Boat
Tagged: creepy, boat, Ladies, Sex, dark, Implication
“Charlie: [in a wheelchair and army vet attire] This costume, the chicks is gonna go crazy all over it.

Frank: Maybe you should let me do all the talking.

Charlie: No, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. So watch and learn.

Stripper: Awww, look at you sweetie, what happened?

Charlie: [shouting] Viet--nam's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Gets Crippled
Tagged: War, Wheelchair, Pity
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