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Gregg Kavet Quotes

Total quotes (39)

Gregg Kavet

Gregg Kavet

Birthname

Educated At Harvard University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Film Director, Screenwriter

Total quotes (39)

We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Ricans Festive

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George: You’ve got to apologize.

Jerry: Why?

George: Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do.

Jerry: How does that affect me?

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Slicer

Apologies mature adult Selfish

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Mr. Peterman: Elaine, can you keep a secret?

Elaine: No sir, I can’t.

— J. Peterman (John O'Hurley), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Frogger

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I love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Nap

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Moles—freckles' ugly cousin.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Slicer

Moles Freckles Ugly Cousin Melanoma

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It seems that a psychotic mechanic has absconded with my friend's car.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 2)

Psychotic Mechanic Grand Theft Auto

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What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? You on the pipe?

— George Steinbrenner (Larry David), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 2)

Crack Drugs Crack Pipe

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Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering if you know what day this is!

— Bob (Yul Vazquez), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Rican Day Thugs Threats

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Listen to the comeback. ‘Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you.’

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Comeback

Comebacks Zingers Sick Burns

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Yeah, because you're perfect. You're a calculating, coldhearted businesswoman. And when there's dirty work to be done, you don't mind stomping on a few throats.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Comeback

Coldhearted Dirty Work Machiavellian Cutthroat

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Just let me ask you something. Is it ‘FebRUary’ or ‘FebUary’? Because I prefer ‘FebUary,’ and what is this ‘ru’?

— George Steinbrenner (Larry David), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Nap

Pronunciation february

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It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts.

— Eddie (Ned Bellamy), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Fatigues

Psychosis Horror Knives Betrayal

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That's the bra I gave her, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Caddy

Bras Menace to Society

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That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous.

— Jackie Chiles (Phil Morris), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Caddy

Legalese Inappropriate Lascivious Salacious Outrageous

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Jimmy’s gonna get you, Kramer! Hands off Jimmy! Don’t touch Jimmy! Let go of Jimmy!

— Jimmy (Anthony Starke), Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy

Self-Referential Third Person Threats

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Listen, that registration may have your name on it, Jerry. But this engine's running on my sweat and my blood.

— Tony (Brad Garrett), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 2)

Psychotic Sweat and Blood

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Yeah, don't worry, Jerry. We're right on this guy like stink on a monkey.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 2)

Chases stink Monkey

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I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists.

— Newman (Wayne Knight), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 2)

Survivalists Mailmen US Postal Workers Backwoods

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You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy

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I've seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Slicer

Dermatology Moles Freckles

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Because I'm REFRESHED. I finally found a way to sleep in my office. Under the desk. I lie on my back. I tuck in the chair. I'm invisible.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Nap

Loafing Naps Office

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Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like, uh, ‘Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!’

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub

Son of a Bitch Bastard Wade Boggs Profanity Obscenity

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You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston! Not as long as you bastards are running things.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub

Profanity Houston Houston Astros New York Yankees Son of a Bitch Bastard

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I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub

annoyed Looking Busy

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Cold showers? They're for psychotics.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy

Showers Cold Showers Psychosis

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Sometimes in life, the gods smile upon you, my friends.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Comeback

Zingers Sick Burns Comeuppance Revenge Fate

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Trust me, Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Comeback

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The ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.

— Reilly (Joel Polis), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Comeback

Comebacks Zingers

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Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily, and your eggplant parmesan is a disgrace to this house!

— Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Fatigues

Meatloaf Salmon Croquettes Eggplant Parmesan Cooking

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Kramer: You know you’re not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist.

Jerry: I think you’re thinking of ‘You’re not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery.’

Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy

Surgery Brushing Teeth strength

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You call yourself a lifesaver. I call you pimple popper MD!

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Slicer

Dermatologists Acne

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Here's what I wanna do. I wanna overhaul the entire engine. But it's gonna take a major commitment from you. You're gonna have to keep it under sixty miles an hour for a while. You gotta come in, and you gotta get the oil changed every thousand miles.

— Tony (Brad Garrett), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit (Part 1)

Automotive Car Automotive Maintenance Oil Changes

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What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? Not you, Becky; I know you have a slow metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Frogger

Gluttony Sweets Cake Sugar Weight Gain

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Oh, we all get a little cuckoo sometimes, George. I used to be like you. Rating personnel ’tll they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey, just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George: hot tub.

— George Steinbrenner (Larry David), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub

Hot Tubs Jacuzzis New Jersey Threats Relaxation

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I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick of these people.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Frogger

Sick Days Coworkers

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Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H. E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Wealth Industrialist Philanthropy

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Ohhh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a thousand times! It's never looked so strange! The faces...so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless...a bastard child, perhaps. My back aches...my heart aches...but my feet...my feet are resilient! (Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my...HIMALAYAN WALKING SHOES!

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub

Advertising Catalogs Walking Shoes Bastard Exhaustion

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Well, let’s see what I have today. Darn it. It's ham and cheese again and she forgot the fancy mustard. I told her I like that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me. Oh! She made it up with a cupcake, though. Hey look at this. You know, I got a new system for eating these things. I used to peel off the chocolate now I turn them upside down. I eat the cake first and save the frosting for the end.

— George Steinbrenner (Larry David), Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy

George Steinbrenner Lunch Mustard Cupcakes

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Inchon, Korea, 1950. I was the best cook Uncle Sam ever saw, slinging hash for the Fighting 103rd. As we marched north, our supply lines were getting thin. One day a couple of GIs found a crate, inside were six hundred pounds of prime Texas steer. At least it once was prime. The use date was three weeks past, but I was arrogant, I was brash, I thought if I used just the right spices, cooked it long enough...

— Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Fatigues

Inchon north korea Uncle Sam Korean War Texas Beef Beef Cooking Spoiled Food

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