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George Costanza

185 quotesUnited States Of America · Male

George Louis Costanza is a character in the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), played by Jason Alexander. He has variously been described as a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" (by Elaine Benes and Costanza himself) and "Lord of the Idiots" (by Costanza himself). George and Jerry were junior high school friends and remained friends afterwards. He is friends with Jerry Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer, and Elaine Benes. George appears in every episode except "The Pen" (third season). The character was originally based on Seinfeld co-creator Larry David but is surnamed after Jerry Seinfeld's real-life New York friend, Mike Costanza. Alexander reprised his role in an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, reuniting with Jerry Seinfeld and Wayne Knight (also reprising their roles as Jerry and Newman, respectively). 2Early life and family George is the son of Frank (Jerry Stiller), an Italian-American and Estelle Costanza (Estelle Harris), presumably Jewish-American. George twice mentions that he has a brother (although never again after season 3). Lloyd Braun is his childhood nemesis who George feels was the son his parents always wante

All Dating (16)Attraction (11)Sex (10)Self-deprecation (6)Breakups (6)Relationships (6)Women (5)Baldness (5)Lesbianism (4)Revenge (4)Irony (4)Mental Illness (4)lying (4)New York Yankees (3)Employment (3)

From “The Subway”

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think, ‘That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.’

Heterosexual Lesbian

I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking: ‘That's why I'm not heterosexual.’

Lesbianism Attraction Unattractiveness

Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take my clothes off and she still has hers on? Then I really look like an idiot. She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them on, but what then if she…

Comfort Neurosis Humiliation idiocy

From “The Pick”

You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know with the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk. Pasteurization, Homogenization. She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.

Louis Pasteur Cockroaches milk Compatibility

I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take these glasses off, you can't tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people's minds? Costanza.

Stability Mental Illness

I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air. You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?

Moses Nose-Picking Desert Bible

A beautiful successful intelligent woman's in love with me, and I throw it all away. Uh-oh boy. Now I'll spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment watching basketball games, eating Chinese take-out. Walking around with no underwear. Because I'm too lazy to do…

Success Love laziness Sloth

From “The Lip Reader”

You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me.

Breakups It's Not You It's Me

From “The Seinfeld Chronicles”

George: She calls me up at my office. She says, ‘We have to talk.’ Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language. George: That or ‘Whose bra is this?’ Jerry: That’s worse.

We Have To Talk English Language

From “The Pie”

Conformity is an obsession with me.

Conformity Team Players Job Interviews

From “The Pony Remark”

You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's not like getting on a bus. One second. It's all mental.

Astral Plane Death

You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

Hopelessness Dating Despair Sex

From “The Jacket”

I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

laziness dread Appointments

From “The Phone Message”

I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.

Suicide Suicide Notes Courtesy Irony

She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.

Coffee Sex Miscommunication

For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks.

Dating Anxiety Karate

From “The Apartment”

I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots!

Guilt Sex idiocy Madison Square Garden Respect

You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect—I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.

idiocy Competition

I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham!

lying

From “The Statue”

I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is…guilty!

Courtroom Judge Jury Guilty Verdict

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