I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.
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Dave Chappelle
David "Dave" Chappelle (/ʃəˈpɛl/, born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. After beginning his film career in 1993 as Ahchoo in Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights, he landed supporting roles in box office hits including The Nutty Professor, Con Air, You've Got Mail, Blue Streak and Undercover Brother. His first lead role was in the 1998 comedy film Half Baked, which he co-wrote with Neal Brennan. Chappelle also starred in the ABC TV series Buddies. In 2003, Chappelle became more widely known for his sketch comedy television series, Chappelle's Show, also co-written with Brennan, which ran until his retirement from the show two years later. The show continues to run in late-night syndication and on television networks around the world. By 2006, Chappelle was called the "comic genius of America" by Esquire and, in 2013, "the best" by a Billboard writer. Chappelle lives with his family in Yellow Springs, Ohio, and continues to perform stand-up comedy. In 2009, Comedy Central ranked him No. 43 in the "100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time
Did you know that Planned Parenthood was for abortions? It’s for people that don’t plan things out at all.
You know how much money you have to have to tell a girl to shut the fuck up? I have 'Quiet, please' money at best. I’d have to take a loan out for 'Shut the fuck up.' 'Shut the fuck up–' That’s Jay Z money. And Beyoncé got 'No, you shut the fuck up' money.
How can you care about anything when you know every goddamn thing?
I’m from a time that I didn’t even used to know who was on the phone until I answered the shit.
Here’s the fact that I heard, but haven’t confirmed. I heard that when Martin Luther King stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and said he had a dream, he was speaking into a PA system that Bill Cosby paid for. So, you understand what I’m saying? The point is this: He rapes, but he saves. And…
Can’t do comparative suffering. If you’re hungry, and your friend says, 'you know, people are starving in Africa,' 'so what, nigga? I still want lunch.'
This is the age of spin. The age where nobody knows what the fuck they’re even looking at.
We should forgive the ones of us that are weaker and support the ones of us that are stronger.
Sometimes, the funniest thing to say is mean. You know what I mean?
If you guys keep going after individuals, the system is going to stay intact.
Nobody’s life is perfect. No matter what it looks like from the outside, you don’t know what the fuck’s going on inside.
I live in Ohio. And anyone that knows anything about Ohio knows that even the word 'Ohio' is an old Native American word. It means, literally, uh, 'land of poor white people.' And I don’t know what’s going on down here, but in my experience, uh, poor white people love, and, I mean, they fucking…
I live in Ohio. And anyone that knows anything about Ohio knows that even the word 'Ohio' is an old Native American word. It means, literally, uh, 'land of poor white people.' And I don’t know what’s going on down here, but in my experience, uh, poor white people love, and, I mean, they fucking…
If you have a dick, you need to shut the fuck up on this one. Seriously. This is theirs. The right to choose is their unequivocal right. Not only do I believe they have the right to choose, I believe that they shouldn’t have to consult anybody, -except for a physician…about how they exercise that…
If you have a dick, you need to shut the fuck up on this one. Seriously. This is theirs. The right to choose is their unequivocal right. Not only do I believe they have the right to choose, I believe that they shouldn’t have to consult anybody, -except for a physician…about how they exercise that…
I don’t see any peaceful way to disarm America’s whites. There’s only one thing that’s going to save this country from itself. Same thing that always saves this country from itself, and that is African Americans.