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Himself Quotes

Total quotes: 35
“Ringo: Hey, I wonder what'll happen if I pull this lever.

Old Fred: Oh, you mustn't do that now.

Ringo: Can't help it. I'm a born 'Liver-pooler.'”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: lever, Pun, Liverpool
“Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night, and this is only Thursday morning.”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: Liverpool, Lonely, saturday night
“John: Break the glass.

George: We can't!

Paul: It's Beatle-proof.

John: Nothing is Beatle-proof!”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: beatle-proof
“John: Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time space continuum theory.

George: Oh, right.

John: Relatively speaking, that is.”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: Albert Einstein, Relativity
“This is the worst time ever to be a celebrity. You’re gonna be finished. Everyone’s doomed. Michael Jackson has been dead for ten years and this nigga has two new cases.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Nigga, Michael Jackson, Child Molestation, Cancel Culture, celebrity
“Celebrity hunting season. Doesn’t matter what I say, they’re going to get everybody eventually.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Cancel Culture
“I don’t see any peaceful way to disarm America’s whites. There’s only one thing that’s going to save this country from itself. Same thing that always saves this country from itself, and that is African Americans.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Gun Control, African Americans
“And in an environment where a body suddenly becomes a lethal weapon because of the speed at which it's moving, the danger, the adrenaline level, the need to protect yourself is far higher than it is in a normal environment.”
— Himself, Ice Guardians
Tagged: Hockey, Adrenaline, Violence
“I read online that you're very private and decline to answer questions that make you feel uncomfortable. This is a two-parter. Is that true? And how old were you when you got your first period?”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: Questions, private, period
“ My first marriage, I chose to leave. That’s not fuckin’ up, that’s me moving on.”
— Himself, Kevin Hart: Irresponsible
Tagged: Marriage, Fucking Up, Moving On
“Bill Murray: It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white, so what?

Bill Murray: Larry's not white. Larry's clear.”
— Himself, Space Jam
Tagged: Best Sports Movies
“I’m not for abortion. Oh, shut up, nigga. I’m not for it, but I’m not against it, either. It all depends…on who I get pregnant.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Nigga, Abortion
“They just killed another 12 people in a mass shooting in Virginia Beach. This shit’s happening every week. It happens so much, I’m almost—I don’t care anymore.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Mass Shooting, Virginia Beach, Shit
“What does it actually mean to be equal? You know what I mean? Like, if women are actually equal to men, then there would be no WNBA, would there? You would just be good enough to play in the NBA with us.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Equality, WNBA, Gender Differences
“Old Fred: Oh! Frankenstein!

Ringo: Yeah, I used to go out with his sister.

Old Fred: His sister?

Ringo: Yeah, Phyllis.”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: frankenstein, phyllis frankenstein
“Get yourself together. Move to Philly. Buy a loft. Start a noise band. Get 6 or 7 roommates. Eat hummus with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke cloves. Listen to Animal Collective. Start some type of salsa company.”
— Himself, The Eric Andre Show, Season 1: Reese Witherspoon
“Do I go up and face the mountain lion, or do I take my chances with the abyss?”
— Himself, You vs. Wild, Season 1: Episode 1
“At this level, having to endure, persevere or survive is having to do the things that may not be easy.”
— Himself, Basketball or Nothing
Tagged: Keep on Fighting, Dream Big, Perserverence
“I’m sorry, ladies. I just… I got a fucking Me Too headache. Y’all is killing me right now. It’s really fuckin’ tough to watch what’s going on.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Fuck, #metoo
“George: Hey! There's a Cyclops!

Paul: Can't be. It's got two eyes.

John: Must be a 'bicycle-ops' then.

Ringo: There's another one.

John: A whole ‘cyclopedia'!”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: Cyclops, Puns
“[singing] When I get older losing my hair many years from now. Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out till quarter to three would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm Sixty Four?”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: when i'm 64, valentines, losing my hair
“I am what’s known on the streets as a victim blamer. You know what I mean? If somebody come up to me like, 'Dave, Dave, Chris Brown just beat up Rihanna.' I’ll be like, 'Well, what did she do?' 'Dave, Michael Jackson was molesting children.' 'Well, what were those kids wearing at the time?'”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Michael Jackson, Victim Blaming, Chris Brown, Rihanna
“Outdoor hockey, pond hockey is where it's at!”
— Himself, Pond Hockey
Tagged: outdoor hockey, pond hockey
“I want my Hamburger Helper boxes back!”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: hamburger helper, upset
“It's Dickerflick Cabbagepatch.”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: Names
“I'm an old fashioned, God fearing praying human being.”
— Himself, Better Late Than Never, Season 1: Less Talky, More Sake
Tagged: God, Religion
“Absolutely nothing compares to the spectacle you are about to see.”
— Himself, Hyperdrive, Season 1: Episode 1
Tagged: Car Racing, intense
“I am the ego man, goo goo g'joob.”
— Himself, Yellow Submarine
Tagged: egg man, ego man, i am the walrus
“I'm not a practicing Jew. I perfected it.”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: practice, Jew, Religion, Perfect
“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, maniacs, to the loonies, and ding-dongs. And some people would say that we're the crazy ones, but I think we are geniuses, because we're crazy enough to try to change this ding-dong crazy world.”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: crazy, Ding-Dong , World
“You love fast cars. In what other ways is your penis small?”
— Himself, Between Two Ferns: The Movie
Tagged: Question, Fast Cars , joke, Diss
“Ken Curtis: [confused] Wait a second. Go Back. I don't get why Yazov let you leave the country, if he was mad at you.

Viacheslav Fetisov: I'm not a historian. My feeling was the country tried to change something, because it's Perestroika time, but he doesn't want changes. Everybody was afraid. It's understandable. It's like in a dark room, trying to find a dark cat. It's not funny.”
— Himself, Red Army
Tagged: Expatriation, Historian, Perestroika
“I live in Ohio. And anyone that knows anything about Ohio knows that even the word 'Ohio' is an old Native American word. It means, literally, uh, 'land of poor white people.' And I don’t know what’s going on down here, but in my experience, uh, poor white people love, and, I mean, they fucking love… heroin. They can’t seem to get enough of it. I didn’t know what I was looking at at first. I was driving, like, 'Why are all these white people so sleepy out here?' It’s really bad.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Ohio, Poor White People, Heroin, opioid crisis
“This guy, R. Kelly, got another sex tape out now. Can you believe that shit? This guy makes more sex tapes than he does music. He’s like the DJ Khaled of sex tapes. 'Another one.' Like, damn, nigga! That’s a lot of tapes. The new one’s so bad that they didn’t even show it. I’ve never seen anything like this. The prosecutor in Chicago came out in a press conference and read to the media a transcript of a sex tape. Have you ever heard of such a thing? This nigga read the sex tape. And it was so bad that R. Kelly sounded guilty in the transcripts. It’s fucking amazing. Sixteen times the girl’s age was mentioned. Isn’t that crazy? This motherfucker is an idiot. He was fuckin’ her like, 'Yeah, this is the best 14-year-old pussy I’ve ever had in my life.' She was like, 'You like this 14-year-old pussy?' Like, 'Oh, yeah, I love this.' I’m like, 'Man, you need to shut the fuck up.'”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: r. kelly, sex tape, Dj Khaled, Pussy, pedophilia
“Louis C.K. was a very good friend of mine before he died in that terrible masturbation accident. And it was his room. You read the story. He was masturbating in his own room. That’s where you supposed to masturbate. Then he said, 'Hey, everybody, I’m gonna pull my dick out.' Nobody ran for the door or nothing like that. They all just kind of hung out, like, 'I wonder if this guy is serious.' And he came on his own stomach. There it is. What is the threat? Have any women ever seen a guy that just came on his own stomach? This is the least threatening motherfucker the Earth has ever seen. All you see is shame in their face and… cum dripping down like pancake butter. He didn’t do anything that you can call the police for. I dare you to try. Call the police on him. 'Hello? Police, yes. I am… I am on the other line with comedian Louis C.K., and I think that he is masturbating while I’m on the phone.' You know what the police are gonna say in Atlanta? 'Well, what are you guys talking about? Mm-hm. Mm-hmm.' They ruined this nigga’s life, and now he’s coming back playing comedy clubs, and they acting like if he’s able to do that, that’s gonna hurt women.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Louis C.K., masturbation, Cancel Culture, Motherfucker, Atlanta
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