Charlie Day Quotes

Total quotes (73)

Charlie Day

Charlie Day

Birthname

AKA Charlie Day

Birthday February 9, 1976

Birthplace New York City, NY, United States

Educated At Merrimack College

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Television Actor, Film Actor, Screenwriter, Actor

Spouse Mary Elizabeth Ellis

Characters Portrayed

Charlie Kelly

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Total quotes (73)

I'll just regress, because I feel I've made myself perfectly redundant.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Regress Redundant Nonsense

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Dee: I am not a failure!

Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?

Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.

— Mac

Failure Fail Sassy Diss

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No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

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Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Jobs Employment Sarcasm

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Dennis, if I was looking for safe I wouldn't be sticking my dick through a wall.

— Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito)

Risk Not Safe Walls

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Dennis: Okay, alright what’s your favorite hobby?

Charlie: Uhh…magnets.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Hobbies Magnets Weird

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And I don't think you should do just what makes you happy. I think you should do what makes you great.

— Charlie Day, Motivational Videos

Happiness Improvement

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Charlie: Do wasps make honey?

Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.

Charlie: Alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Wasp Bees Honey Exploring Questions

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I eat stickers all the time dude!

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Stickers Gross food

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You cannot have a voice without risk of criticism.

— Charlie Day, Motivational Video

Risk Failure motivation

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You do not have to be fearless just don't let fear stop you.

— Charlie Day, Motivational Speeches

Fear Learning Growing

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Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?

Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so I was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to this position.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

excellence Bruce Jenner resumé Application

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Dennis: Okay you want me to read the script?

Charlie: Yes. And action.

Dennis: I'll read the words you wrote. 'Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot.' What? 'Taxes, they'll be lower. Son. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.' This doesn't make any sense!

— Dennis Reynolds (Glenn Howerton)

Office elections Speeches Script

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Surprise, bitches! We're alive and it's blowing your minds right now!

— Deandra Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson)

surprise alive Shock crazy Mind Blown

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I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.

— Dennis Reynolds (Glenn Howerton)

Dreams Selfish Sex Indifferent Listening

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I'm not asking you to do anything, just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.

— Deandra Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson)

Robbing blind eye

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Dee: Maybe you shouldn't have your window open!

Mac: maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of piss out the window!

— Mac

window Piss Gross angry

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Frank: There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!

Dee: Wow, That's my dad everyone!

— Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito)

Smart Attractive Women Men Rude

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Dude, it's amazing. Look at this. Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of this thing.

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

milk Drink Amazing surprise

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Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that's not for us...those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We're just here to eat some dude!

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Cannibalism food Politics Decisions

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Dennis: Lay it on us, bud.

Mac: It involves us pulling up our bootstraps, oiling up a couple of asses, and doing a little plowing of our own. Not gay sex.

— Mac

gay Sex Euphomism Hard Work

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Keep singing, bitch! You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm through with you!

— Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day)

Singing Anger Threat Mad insults

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Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?

Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia! I didn't think it was that big a secret.

— Deandra Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson)

gay Musical Theatre actor Secret Sassy

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Frank: Hey! I killed a deer, I should get to eat it. That's the natural order.

Mac: Wait, you shot a deer?

Frank: That's right! A ten point buck!

— Frank Reynolds (Danny DeVito)

Deer shot Natural Order food

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It's when you drink so much that everything goes brown. It's not as severe as a black out because I remember bits and pieces. I call it browning out.

— Mac

Black Out Drinking Drunk Alcohol Browning Out

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