Parks And Recreation

32 Brilliant Ron Swanson Quotes That Will Inspire You To Live Your Best Life

Do not float like a butterfly.
Heidi Priebe
November 17, 2016
“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Emergency Response
Tagged: dog, fifty pounds, Cat, useless
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Partridge
Tagged: Skim Milk, lying, Water, Personification Examples
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Flu Season
Tagged: worked, never learned, name, Best friend
“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: Anniversaries
Tagged: Frozen Yogurt, Celery, zero stars
“[Holds up iPod] 

TOM PUT ALL MY RECORDS INTO THIS RECTANGLE. THE SONGS JUST PLAY ONE AFTER THE OTHER. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT RECTANGLE.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: Farmers Market
Tagged: iPod, Records, Songs, rectange, Happy
“Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Camping
Tagged: humor, Fishing, Hunting
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Win, Lose, or Draw
Tagged: Scotch, Hard Liquor, Drinking, Alcohol Quips
“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Indianapolis
Tagged: Bacon, eggs, Understand, food
“When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Born and Raised
Tagged: Chummy, Wrong Name, don't care
“Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: London, Part 1
Tagged: sting like a bee, float like a butterfly, Advice, Ridiculous
“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Eagleton
Tagged: Birthdays, Hallmark, cards
“Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Citizen Knope
Tagged: Capitalism, Smart, poor, God, determining
“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Flu Season
Tagged: idiots, give 100%, impossible, more than 100%
“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Bowling for Votes
Tagged: food, Eat, Scared
“History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: London, Part 1
Tagged: History, mistake, July 4th
“On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 2: Ron and Tammy
Tagged: deathbed, final wish, Ex-Wives, Go to Hell
“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 2: Kaboom
Tagged: lowers, Enthusiasm, Saying No
“There has never been a sadness that can’t been cured by breakfast food.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: Ann and Chris
Tagged: Sadness, Breakfast Food, cured
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: I'm Leslie Knope
Tagged: need anything, deal with your problems, adults
“It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Jerry's Painting
Tagged: Pointless, paint scenes, Nature, outside
“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Article Two
Tagged: Do Something, Nothing, helps, Work
“Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: Ann and Chris
Tagged: Tears, Crying, humor
“Child labor laws are ruining this country.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 2: The Camel
Tagged: child libor, Laws, country, ruin
“I regret nothing. The end.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Partridge
Tagged: Regret, Nothing, The End
“It's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Andy and April's Fancy Party
Tagged: good idea, Coworkers, Capable, Pain
“I'd wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 6: Second Chunce
Tagged: Luck, Weak, Failures