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Quotes tagged “Absurd”

“Is that a llama with a hammer?”
— Joan Baxter, Evan Almighty
Tagged: llama, Hammer, Absurd
“Jack: [referring to Cal] Do you love him?

Rose: Pardon me?

Jack: Do you love him?

Rose: Well, you're being very rude. You shouldn't be asking me this.

Jack: [amused, referring to Cal] Well, it's a simple question. Do you love the guy or not?

Rose: This is not a suitable conversation.

Jack: Why can't you just answer the question?

Rose: This is absurd. I don't know you and you don't know me and we are not having this conversation at all. You are rude and uncouth, and presumptuous, and I am leaving now. [starts shaking Jack's hand] Jack... Mister Dawson, it's been a pleasure. I've sought you out to thank you, and now I have thanked you.

Jack: And even insulted me.

Rose: Well, you deserved it.

Jack: Right.

Rose: Right.

Jack: [Rose is still shaking his hand] I thought you were leaving.

Rose: [turns to leave] I am. You are so annoying.

Jack: Ha, ha.

Rose: [turns back to Jack] Wait, I don't have to leave, this is my part of the ship. You leave.

Jack: Oh ho, ho, well well well, now who's being rude?”
— Jack Dawson, Titanic
Tagged: Love, Absurd, Rude, Annoying
“Tonight, when I'm cookin' that chili, I'll cut up this cauliflower, and we'll tell them we've got rabbit brains in there.”
— Tim Taylor, Home Improvement, Season 1: Flying Sauces
Tagged: chili, cauliflower, rabbit brains, Absurd, Gross
“If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!”
— Maxwell Klinger, M*A*S*H, Season 5: End Run
Tagged: Absurd
“We're not friends. We've never been friends. It's like talking to a steak.”
— Nicky, Animal Kingdom, Season 2: The Leopard
Tagged: Friends, Steak, Absurd
“It is, therefore, no argument against ceremonial magic to say that it is ‘absurd’ to try to raise a thunderstorm by beating a drum; it is not even fair to say that you have tried the experiment, found it would not work, and so perceived it to be ‘impossible.’ You might as well claim that, as you had taken paint and canvas, and not produced a Rembrandt, it was evident that the pictures attributed to his painting were really produced in quite a different way.”
— Aleister Crowley, Magical and Philosophical Commentaries on The Book of the Law
Tagged: Rembrandt, Superstition, Absurd
“It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Foreign Languages, Loneliness, Absurd, Surreal
“I need one of those baby monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Baby Monitors, Subconscious, Surreal, Absurd
“I woke up one morning, [my girlfriend] asked me if I slept good. I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Insomnia, Sleeping, Absurd, Misunderstanding
“A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I'm afraid of widths.”
— Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special(1985)
Tagged: Fear of Heights, Fear of Widths, Absurd, Surreal
“I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Absurd, Surreal, Powdered Water
“Sometimes you can't hear me, it's because sometimes I'm in parentheses.”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Parentheses, Surreal, bizarre, Absurd
“Everywhere is walking distance if you've got the time.”
— Steven Wright, A Steven Wright Special(1985)
Tagged: Walking Distance, Absurd
“I went to a museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”
— Steven Wright,
Tagged: Museums, Surreal, Absurd
“When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.”
— Steven Wright
Tagged: Dictionary, Long Form Poetry, Absurd
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
— Steven Wright
Tagged: Curiosity, Cliches, Absurd
“I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.”
— Steven Wright
Tagged: Seashells, Seashore, Absurd, Surreal
“I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint...it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.”
— Steven Wright
Tagged: Surreal, Absurd, Hardware Store, Batteries
“You never know what you have until it’s gone, and I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything.”
— Steven Wright, Steven Wright, master of meh: 'This is just how I talk. It accidentally went well with the jokes'
Tagged: One-Liners, Zen, Absurd, Surreal, Deadpan, Standup Comics
“It ain't over till it's over.”
— Yogi Berra, The Yogi Book
Tagged: Over, Zen, Absurd, Koan

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About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.