Jill Taylor: [discussing Jill's upcoming job interview] Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night. Tim Taylor: No; I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was 'NO!' Jill Taylor: [smirking] You're thinking of tonight.
Catalog
Tim Taylor
Tim: Jill got mad at me because I didn't listen to her. Wilson: No, I think she got mad at you because you blew up the damn dishwasher.
You know why I like tools? Because they fix things—you tear down a motor, see the problem, it's right there—boom; it's fixed. I wish I could fix things between us that easily.
Jill: What, do you have rocks in your head? Don't you think? Tim: Let's talk about who doesn't think for a minute—who drove around for two days with the oil light on? Jill: Wait—I thought you said you weren't going to bring up the oil light. Tim: With all those rocks in my head, sometimes I don't…
Tim: It's a warning light; didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem? Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car that the light would get brighter, or there would be a buzzer. Tim: A buzzer? It's a car, not a game show.
Jill Taylor: I thought you said it was a technical problem. Tim Taylor: Technically, I was the problem.
Tim Taylor: I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret, all right? Women, as we know them, are born without a face. Randy Taylor: Bull! Tim Taylor: Listen to me—women are like a Mr. Potato Head. You've heard your mom say every now and then, 'Excuse me, fellas, I've gotta go upstairs and put my…
Tim Taylor: I like to create, Wilson. Everything I do, I wanna make bigger and better. Wilson: Well, Tim, this obsessive desire to create partly happens because men feel inferior to women. [Tim grunts, perplexed] It's because we can't bear children. Tim Taylor: Ah, I don't mind the boys that much.…
Jill Taylor: They broke the mirror, they put in the wrong tiling, we've got a cement... Jill Taylor: [suddenly seeing her new whirlpool bath] Oh, wow, wow, what's this? Tim Taylor: This is what will make it all worthwhile: Your new whirlpool. Jill Taylor: Oh, Tim, it's so beautiful. Look at the…