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Fargo Quotes

“Human beings, you see, have no inherent value other than the money they earn. Cats have value, for example, because they provide pleasure to the humans. But a deadbeat on welfare? Well, they have negative value.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Somebody to Love
Tagged: Value, cats, Welfare, Pleasure
“Madam, it’s just lazy to steal from someone without knowing their name.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: Theft, steal, Lazy, Rude
“If evidence is collected, if confessions are made, if a verdict of guilty is entered in a court of law, then its happening becomes as the rocks and rivers, and to argue that it didn’t happen is to argue with reality itself.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Somebody to Love
Tagged: evidence, Confessions, guilty, Rivers
“Trust me. The future is certain. And when it comes, you will know without question, your place in the world. Until then, we’ve said all there is to say. Any further debate would be simply wasting our breath. And if there’s one thing I can’t abide, it’s waste. Goodbye.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: Predestination, Future, Waste
“The shallow end of the pool is where the turds float.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: shallow, Turds
“In the favelas of Brazil, there are six-year-olds with Glocks. They roam in packs, stealing whatever they can find. Mexican lowlifes stream into this country like wolves, eyeing our women and children. In the Congo, a family of six live on 10 cents a day. You turn on the TV, what do you see? Boat people. Mass migration. You’re living in the age of the refugee, my friend.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: Refugee, favelas, Brazil, glocks, Congo, boat people
“Perception of reality becomes reality.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: Perception, Reality
“There’s an accounting coming, Mr. Stussy, and you know I’m right. Mongol hordes descending. Now what are you doing to insulate yourself and your family? You think you’re rich. You’ve no idea what ‘rich’ means. ‘Rich’ is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent. It’s a banker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad. So that’s action item one, the accumulation of wealth, and I mean wealth, not money.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: Wealth, rich, mongol hordes, wyoming, gstaad
“One’s eyes can be deceived. We see what we believe, not the other way around.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Somebody to Love
Tagged: Perception, Deception
“You see it, don’t you? Millions of people bought houses they couldn’t afford, and now they’re living on the streets. 85% of the world’s wealth is controlled by 1% of the population. What do you think is gonna happen when those people wake up and realize you’ve got all their money?”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: 1%, Wealth Distribution
“Things of consequence rarely happen by accident.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: accident, coincidence
“Very good. You just added a zero to your salary.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Aporia
Tagged: salary raise
“At some level, food knows it’s food.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Aporia
Tagged: food, Food Chain, Self-awareness
“The problem is not that there is evil in the world, the problem is that there is good. Because otherwise, who would care?”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: Aporia
Tagged: Good, Evil, Apathy
“A chicken is an egg’s way of making another egg.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The House of Special Purpose
Tagged: chicken, egg, Reproduction
“A chicken is an egg's way of making another egg. You see, it's all a matter of perspective. The chicken sees it one way, the egg another. So let's start again: this is not your office, just as your wife would not be your wife if I came to her in the night with a platter of cold cuts.”
— V.M. Vargas, Fargo, Season 3: The House of Special Purpose
Tagged: chicken, egg, Cycle of Life
“Buck, if I wanted an opinion from an asshole, I'd ask my own. Got it?”
— Ray Stussy, Fargo, Season 3: The Narrow Escape Problem
Tagged: Opinion, asshole
“Irv Blumkin: You borrowed $1,000,000 from a man without knowing his first name.

Emmit Stussy: I know how it—

Irv Blumkin: It's not a question. I'm just assessing the level of stupidity.”
— Emmit Stussy / Ray Stussy, Fargo, Season 3: The Principle of Restricted Choice
Tagged: stupidity, insults, easy mark
“Nikki Swango: Ray, there's a man in my bathroom.

Ray Stussy: Let's not jump to any conclusions.

Nikki Swango: Are you saying he's not a man or he's not in my bathroom?”
— Nikki Swango, Fargo, Season 3: The Law of Vacant Places
Tagged: Misheard, jumping to conclusions
“You have made me the happiest woman ever. Now let's make a sex tape.”
— Nikki Swango, Fargo, Season 3: The Lord of No Mercy
Tagged: sex tape, romance
“Noreen Vanderslice: Camus says knowin' we're gonna die makes life absurd.

Betsy Solverson: Well, I don't know who that is. But I'm guessing he doesn't have a 6-year-old girl.

Noreen Vanderslice: He's French.

Betsy Solverson: Ugh, I don't care if he's from Mars. Nobody with any sense would say something that foolish.”
— Betsy Solverson, Fargo, Season 2: Palindrome
Tagged: Albert Camus, Existentialism, french, Mars, Foolishness
“Hotel clerk: Room 203. Very nice room, very nice. It's got air conditioning. You can smell the ocean.

Gloria Burgle: There's a view?

Hotel clerk: No, there's a smell. At low tide.”
— Gloria Burgle, Fargo, Season 3: The Law of Non-Contradiction
Tagged: hotels, Smells, Ocean
“Mike Milligan: Sovereignty is absolute power and authority.

Ricky G: Like a king?

Mike Milligan: Exactly. Which is who I am —your king.

Ricky G: Uh, it's America, brother. We don't do kings.”
— Mike Milligan, Fargo, Season 2: Palindrome
Tagged: Sovereignty, kings, Monarchy, America
“Ed Blomquist: Today's your lucky day, Mike. I've got Dodd Gerhardt in the trunk of my car. You want him?

Mike Milligan: Sir, if I kiss you when we meet, would that be inappropriate?”
— Ed Blomquist, Fargo, Season 2: Loplop
Tagged: Murder, Sadism
“Jeb Cheney: You Minnesota boys don't got much in the way of backbone, now, do ya?

Hank Larsson: Well, now, I wouldn't say that. Just like to think things through.”
— Sheriff Hank Larsson, Fargo, Season 2: The Castle
Tagged: Minnesota, Backbone
“Ed Blomquist: Maybe you heard of me—the Butcher of Luverne.

Mike Milligan: I have heard of you. And may I say, brother, I like your style.”
— Ed Blomquist, Fargo, Season 2: Loplop
Tagged: murderers, style, Hybristophilia
“Mike Milligan: There's a man.

Ben Schmidt: What—what man?

Mike Milligan: Just a man. He works in a factory. One day, the boss gets it in his mind that this man is stealing from him. So, every night at the gate, the guards search his wheelbarrow. But they never find anything.

Ben Schmidt: Pat him down.

Mike Milligan: Oh, they do that. Strip him naked—nothin'.

Ben Schmidt: So he's not stealin'.

Mike Milligan: Of course he is.

Lou Solverson: Wheelbarrows.

Mike Milligan: Thank you. That's right. He's stealing wheelbarrows.

Ben Schmidt: What?

Mike Milligan: My point is sometimes the answer is so obvious you can't see it because you're looking too hard.”
— Mike Milligan, Fargo, Season 2: Did You Do This? No, You Did It!
Tagged: parables, Stories, Fables, Wheelbarrows, Occam's Razor, Obvious Answer
“Son, I could fill out a steamer trunk with the amount of stupid I think you are.”
— Hank Larrson, Fargo, Season 2: Rhinoceros
Tagged: Stupid, insults, Sick Burns
“A whore's life is five good years, five bad years, and then some half-dick sweat stain grinds you out like a cigarette. Like a goddamn spent cigarette.”
— Dodd Gerhardt, Fargo, Season 2: Rhinoceros
Tagged: Whore, Prostitute, used up, dick, small dick, cigarette
“Bear Gerhardt: There's gonna be a reckoning one day, brother. All souls are called to account for their actions. In the end, we all get what we deserve.

Dodd Gerhardt: You keep telling yourself that.”
— Bear Gerhardt, Fargo, Season 2: The Gift of the Magi
Tagged: Reckoning, Karma, Souls, last judgment
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