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“Day-o. Day-ay-ay-o. Daylight come and me wan' go home. Day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day-o. Daylight come and me wan' go home. I work all day when the work is done. Daylight come and me wan' go home. I cook the steak 'til the steak is done. Daylight come and me wan' go home. Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana. Daylight come and me wan' go home.”
— Dr. Jason Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 3: Big Brother is Not Watching
Tagged: Banana Boat Song
“Ben Seaver: [after Carol reads Jason's old book, in delight] So I got a divorce for my family history!

Carol Seaver: I guess...

Ben Seaver: [runs upstairs] Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

[a shot of the Seaver house on a winter's day is shown]
Ben Seaver: [off-camera, shouts] OH, NO! AAAAAHHHH!”
— Ben Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: The Awful Truth
Tagged: Divorce, divorcing your family, Winter
“Come on, you're my sister, I'm supposed to call you ugly.”
— Mike Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Jimmy Durante Died for Your Sins
Tagged: Sibling rivalry, sister, ugly
“Eddie: Uhh umm uh, what's your dad's name, Bone ?

Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Sylvester.

Mike: Wait a minute... Your dad's name is Sylvester Stabone?

Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Who knew?”
— Mike Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Higher Education
Tagged: Homonyms, Sylvester Stallone
“Mike Seaver: Okay, look one, I was actually on time. And two, I admitted openly and honestly that I lied. And three...

Maggie Malone Seaver: [Interrupting Mike] And three you are grounded in this house. For the remainder of the weekend, in bed by eight, and no TV.

Dr. Jason Seaver: [after Maggie walks away] Well, let's put it this way, Mike. At least you got two of the three points.”
— Mike Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: The Breakfast Club
Tagged: On Time, Tardy to the Party, Grounded
“Carol Seaver: That will never work.

Mike Seaver: Sure it will, I saw it on The Cosby Show.

Carol Seaver: Mike, that is a television show. This is real life.”
— Carol Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Jason's Rib
Tagged: Cosby Show, Reality TV, Sitcoms
“If you read Gone Girl, you probably know that women feel a lot of pressure to be low-maintenance, high-fun, and generally sans-need. Men seem to feel no such pressure.”
— Sophia Benoit, How To Avoid Coming On Too Strong
Tagged: gone girl, Coming On Strong
“Dr. Jason Seaver: [as he is on the phone] Hello, this is—It's a recording. Sexual Fantasies?

Mike Seaver: [Amused] Yeah?

Dr. Jason Seaver: Yeah, Mike.”
— Dr. Jason Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Call Me
Tagged: phone recordings, Sexual Fantasies
“Mike Seaver: Hey, guys.

Dr. Jason Seaver: Don't you go far, Mike. I may wanna talk to you.

Mike Seaver: What did I do?

Dr. Jason Seaver: [Angrily] I haven't found it yet.

Mike Seaver: What's going on?

Ben Seaver: [Whispering] It's bill paying day.

Dr. Jason Seaver: Oh, I don't believe this one.

[as the kids run away]
Dr. Jason Seaver: Halt! Two hundred and sixteen dollars for a one-month phone bill?

Mike Seaver: [Shocked at the amount] Is that high?”
— Mike Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Call Me
Tagged: phone bill, Bills
“Mike Seaver: Becky? Wow, you've had quite the summer.

Becky: [sarcastically] And you've had quite the fall. [Becky walks off from Mike]”
— Mike Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 2: Fast Times at Dewey High
Tagged: Summer, Fall, insults
“Ben: [to Jason about his science project] But you told me to do something that interests me. Mike and Carol interest me more than mold.

Jason: That's a touching sentiment, Ben. Now cut it out!

Ben: What's with him?

Mike: He doesn't like you, he never has.”
— Ben Seaver, Growing Pains, Season 1: Jealousy
Tagged: science project, i don't like you
“I knew this investigative business was easy, else you wouldn't be in it.”
— Théodore 'Terry' Calvin (T.C.), Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Three Minus Two
Tagged: insults, dumb
“I've always felt at home on the ocean, even as a kid. Maybe that's why I spend so much time alone on it, even on the 4th of July. I know, the Fourth should be spent with your buddies drinking beer, or eating hot dogs at the ballpark, or hoping into a potato sack race with your best girl, or barbecuing in the back yard with your folks. Maybe for most Americans, but for me it's been a day to spend alone, to remember. So, here I was all alone on the ocean starting my annual Independence Day remembrance. At least I wouldn't get my fingers blown off by a cherry bomb.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 4: Home From the Sea
Tagged: Ocean, July 4, Barbecue, Independence Day
“Higgins: Sometimes you amaze me, Magnum, truly. Your intuitive grasp of human nature is so...so...

Magnum: Perceptive?

Higgins: Pre-adolescent.”
— Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum, P.I., Season 3: Ki' i's Don't Lie
Tagged: Perceptive, pre-adolescent, insults, Numan nature
“There’s some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it’s really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me—Tanky Moran. Got his name when he singlehandedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he’s selling jam in Devonshire.”
— Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum, P.I., Season 3: Did You See the Sunrise?
Tagged: Burma, tea, Strawberry Jam, Devonshire
“Hawaii is one of those places that, keeps topping itself. Just when you think you'll never see another sunset as beautiful, there comes a sunrise that only Gauguin could imagine. It kind of makes unemployment easier to take.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: Hawaii, Beautiful, sunrise, gaugin, Unemployment
“My dad once told me that life is a trick done with mirrors. You look at something from one direction, it looks like one thing; you turn it over, it looks like something else. I guess he was right. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's a real friend, and who's just an illusion in glass.”
— J. Rickley Dumm, Magnum, P.I., Season 4: Smaller Than Life
Tagged: Life, Illusion, Perspective, Mirrors
“After three days of surveillance, I was familiar with the rhythm of the street. At nine in the morning, those about to be sacrificed to the Hawaiian gods of sun, sea, and sand were making their ritualistic trek to the beach. I knew from experience that very few would return with their skin. At noon, the late risers and the serious souvenir hunters were prowling about, snatching up bargain buys on plastic hula skirts and cheap coral beads. At three-fifteen I got my afternoon treat. I called her Olga, for obvious reasons. The cops are pretty good about keeping hookers off the street during the day, but, I guess when you're as big as Olga, you can work any time you want. By sunset the last of the lobsters were returning from the beach, which meant my day was nearly over and all I had to show for it was a sore butt, and a case of heartburn.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 5: Mac's Back
Tagged: Hula Skirts, Coral Beads, Sunset, lobster, beach, Heartburn
“The death of a friend's never an easy thing to take, not in a rice paddy or on a pretty beach on Oahu. Either way, when they're young, it never makes sense.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: Death Of A Friend, rice paddy, oahu, Dying Young
“Another cliché about getting information from bartenders is that no matter how sincere they sound, you know as soon as you're out the door, they're on the phone warning the guy you want to see. And this guy didn't strike me as being particularly different.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: cliche, Bartenders
“One of the clichés of my profession is that to get information from a bartender you have to slip him some bills of various denominations; Bills that you can't afford, with pictures of unfamiliar presidents. And usually for information that isn't worth it. However, this was a special case and I wasn't in the mood for games.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Wave Goodbye
Tagged: Bartender, marked bills, Games
“Dreams are supposed to represent your subconscious wishes and conflicts. It's sort of a private movie you write, produce and direct. Only you can't hide your eyes in your dreams, even when they are scaring you to death.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Memories Are Forever
Tagged: Dreams, Subconscious, Fear
“I get these feelings...I guess a...I call them my 'little voice'. I know that sounds dumb, but it's like an early warning system, or a conscience. Or maybe, it's just a way of communicating to myself how I really feel about something deep down. I think we all have something like that. I think we communicate those deep down feelings with others that we care about and it's not just by talking about it. This doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry. I guess what I mean is if there's a real connection with somebody you care about ultimately they hear you and that's why I think T.C.'s gonna hear us.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 5: Under World
Tagged: Feelings, voice
“Remember I told you I didn't like getting egg on my face? Well, right now, I'm wearing a whole omelet.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: From Moscow to Maui
Tagged: egg on face, omelet, Shame
“T.C.: Um, T.M., did you come up with this plan all by your lonesome?

Magnum: Yeah. What's the matter?

T.C.: I don't know. Well, I don't know yet. I just keep remembering the plan you had to get all the POW's out of Cambodia.

Magnum: T.C., there is no comparison between that plan and this one.

T.C.: I hope not. I don't need any more scars.”
— Théodore 'Terry' Calvin (T.C.), Magnum, P.I., Season 2: From Moscow to Maui
Tagged: Scars, plans, POWs, Cambodia
“There's something hypnotic about the climate in Hawaii: every day it's sunny and 80°; every day there are gentle trade winds to take the edge of the humidity; every day—until the Kona Winds come up. The Kona Winds come from the south, from somewhere in the vastness of the Pacific Ocean, as they travel toward the unprotected chain of islands sitting vulnerable in the huge expanse of water, they pick up power, and speed, and force, finally crashing into the scattered pits of land. But the Kona Winds do more than whip the sea into a frenzy, they stir the blood and tear at the emotions, thrusting even temperate men into destinies they may later regret. I've always felt drawn to the land's end to watch the winds come in, as if I were somehow...part of the drama.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 6: The Kona Winds
Tagged: narrating, kona winds, Hawaii, pacific ocean
“This was one of those days I wish I'd listened to my mother and studied to be an orthodontist. Looking into someone's mouth has gotta be better than staring death in the face.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Dead Man's Channel
Tagged: mother, orthodontist, Death
“Rick: You better be right, sweetheart.

Magnum: Come on, when have I ever been wrong?

Rick: I can't count that high.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Dead Man's Channel
Tagged: Right, Wrong, Sick Burns
“Higgins: As you may have noticed, I've fired the groundskeeper. Until I can find a successor, I'd like you to assume some of the responsibilities.

Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!

Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence whatsoever.

Magnum: Like what?

Higgins: Like distributing 1500 pounds of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.

Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?

Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.”
— Thomas Magnum, Magnum, P.I., Season 2: Billy Joe Bob
Tagged: Gardening, Menial Labor, Manure
“I told him. I told that lousy writer that that scene was sick. I didn't even enjoy reading it. No. He insisted we keep it in. Damn writers.”
— J. J. Stein, Magnum, P.I., Season 1: Skin Deep
Tagged: writer, Reading, Writers

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This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

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