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Matthew Perry Quotes

Total quotes: 25
“Murph, you probably hear this all the time, but carry me to the bedroom!”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: ravish me
“Oscar: Wait, is this all part of your master plan?

Gabby: What do you mean?

Oscar: We get back together, you divorce me, and you get half of the half I have left?”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Ghostwriter
Tagged: Divorce, master plan
“Chris Webber: Why is the little guy so troubled?

Dani: He's cranky, he needs a nap.”
— Dani, The Odd Couple, Season 1: Sleeping Dogs Lie
Tagged: Nap, little guy
“Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice lookalike contest and WON!

Chandler: Ross came fourth and CRIED!”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 7: The One With Rachel's Assistant
Tagged: Vanilla Ice, Lookalike Contests
“Felix: What else did I do? Was I also brushing my teeth for hours because the battery was totally run down?

Oscar: Yes, yes you were.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: Sleeping Dogs Lie
Tagged: Brushing Teeth
“Oscar: I didn't just win, I beat you like a dirty rug.


Felix: Okay, except nobody cleans rugs like that anymore because we don't live on The Waltons.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: cards, poker, The Waltons
“So I get to put on a suit and talk about how great you are? I was hoping to avoid that until your funeral.”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Wedding Deception
Tagged: funeral, Eulogy
“Emily: Oh, hey, Oscar, did I wake you?

Oscar: No, I'm always up at this hour to milk the cows, make sure Ma is warming the griddle.”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: Sleeping Dogs Lie
Tagged: farm living
“Oscar: And you're welcome to play on my softball team any time, you're quite a bunter.

Felix: Since we're being honest, I did not know what bunting was, I was swinging as hard as I could.”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: softball, bunting
“All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers...it doesn't make much of a difference.”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 1: The One with the Thumb
Tagged: Numbers, Innumeracy
“Ross: Chandler. I sensed it was you.

Chandler: What?

Ross: 'Unagi.' I'm always aware.

Chandler: Are you aware that unagi is an eel?”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 6: The One With Unagi
Tagged: Unagi, Eel, Intuition
“Chandler: Condoms?

Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.

Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 5: The One With The Kips
Tagged: condoms, Repopulation
“I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 8: The One With The Tea Leaves
Tagged: Sarcasm, Friends, Funny
“You're so far past the line, you can't even see the line. The line is a dot to you.”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 4: The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line
“Oscar: Hey Gab, so where are we on the hugging situation?

Gabby: Well, since I want to murder you right now, the thought of touching you makes me sick.

Oscar: Wow it's like you never left.”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Audit Couple
Tagged: Hugging
“Chandler: Oh, she's got you running errands, you know, picking up wedding dresses...Wah-pah!

Ross: What's wah-pah?
Chandler: You know, whipped. Wah-pah! 

Joey: That's not whipped. Whipped is wh-tcssh!”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 4: The One With All The Wedding Dresses
Tagged: Whipped, Pussy Whipped, Running Errands, Subservient
“Murph, lift with your legs or you could literally burst your balls.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: Weightlifting, burst your balls
“Felix: You just wanted to beat me so you could feel superior. Well guess what sir, you have poked the dragon! And you would know what that means if you'd watched even one Game of Thrones with me. 


Oscar: I don't need to watch the show to know that it's bad to poke the dragon.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: poke the dragon, Game of Thrones
“Felix: Well today I take a stand for every boy that was limber and laughed at. 


Emily: Maybe don't do a ballet pose when you say that?


Felix: It's just the way my body rests.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Unger Games
Tagged: Effeminate, Ballet
“Joanna: Wait, what are you doing?

Chandler: Getting dressed.

Joanna: Why?

Chandler: Well, when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 4: The One With The 'Cuffs
Tagged: Naked, garbage
“Felix: I was trying to be a good friend.

Oscar: If you were a good friend you would have been honest with me.

Felix: Fine, Paolo was a 28-year-old Brazilian gymnast with family money.

Oscar: Not that honest.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: Sleeping Dogs Lie
Tagged: good friend, Honesty, not that good
“I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 6: The One With The Proposal
“Teddy: You already have a great job. You host a national radio show from your apartment. If you want you could do it naked, or eating a pizza, or getting a massage. If you play your cards right, you could do all three at once.


Oscar: That is the dream.”
— Oscar Madison, The Odd Couple, Season 1: Secret Agent Man
Tagged: Dream, Pizza, male fantasies, dude heaven
“Hi, I'm Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.’”
— Chandler Muriel Bing, Friends, Friends Season 6: The One With The Proposal
“Felix: Okay here's something. One plane ticket to Beijing. 

Oscar: Oh right, this one wanted to see China when we have a perfectly good Chinatown right here in New York. 

Gabby: Oh I'm sorry, this one wanted to expand her horizons. You won't even go to Chinatown. 

Oscar: They deliver.”
— Felix Unger, The Odd Couple, Season 1: The Ghostwriter
Tagged: Chinatown, Beijing, New York
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