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Chris Rock Quotes

Total quotes: 36
“You learn nothing more gangster, nothing smarter, nothing more powerful than a housewife. Housewives are the smartest motherfuckers on Earth. People think it’s the working woman. No. Suckers work. That’s right. Smart people find other people to work for them.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Working, feminism
“Yeah, you wanna stay together. How do you stay together? You gotta fuck. It’s that simple. You gots to fuck. People are like, 'When we got together, it was so much fun, but then problems arose.' No they didn’t. Nothing arose.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Relationships, Fucking
“Do you think 'Fat Albert' had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Bill Cosby, fat albert
“We need bullies. How the fuck you gonna have a school with no bullies? Bullies do half the work. That’s right. Teachers do one half. Bullies do the whole other half.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: bullies, bullying
“We got a justice system for rich, for poor, for black, for white. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime in the exact same place at the exact same time and get a different sentence.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Justice, Disparate Sentencing
“Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That's right. I was gonna call it ’N.W.P.’—Niggaz Wit' Puppets. Catchy, ain't it?”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Anti-White, Sesame Street, PBS
“I stopped playing colleges, and the reason is because they’re way too conservative.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock Talks to Frank Rich About Ferguson, Cosby, and What ‘Racial Progress’ Really Means
Tagged: College, Political Correctness, comedy
“I always call Ellen DeGeneres the gay Rosa Parks. If Rosa Parks had one of the most popular daytime TV shows, I’m sure the civil-rights movement would’ve moved a little bit faster too.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock Talks to Frank Rich About Ferguson, Cosby, and What ‘Racial Progress’ Really Means
Tagged: Activism, Rosa Parks
“You are in a competition… Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.”
— Chris Rock, Talking Funny- HBO
Tagged: comedy, Stand Up
“Do they really want to do a show with Roseanne Barr? No, they want a thin blonde girl... She’s just funnier than everybody.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock on Roseanne
Tagged: Roseanne, comedy, Talent, feminism
“You would think….You would think the cops would occasionally shoot a white kid…just to make it look good. You would think that every couple of months they’d look at their dead nigga calendar and go…”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Police Shootings, Race
“I mean, honestly, I wanna live in a world…with real equality. I wanna live in a world…where an equal amount of white kids are shot every month. An equal world.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Police Shootings, Equality
“Hey, I love pussy, but I like peace more. Peace is better than pussy. Peace makes my dick hard. I need motherfucking peace, motherfucker. You wanna be my girl? Be peaceful. Just some peace, motherfucker.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Pussy, dick, Peace
“If you're in a good relationship, chances are you're bored out of your fucking mind. All good relationships are boring. The only exciting relationships are the bad ones.”
— Chris Rock, 9 Genius Quotes Sum Up What We're Really Looking for When We Date
Tagged: Relationships, Bored, H4D-15
“There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
— Chris Rock, 15 One-Sentence Dating Tips from Celebrities
Tagged: Dating Advice, Relationship Advice
“Ain’t nothing gonna happen to Trump, man. Nothing’s gonna happen to Trump. Here’s the crazy thing. It might just work out. Trump might work out. Yeah, I said it—[laughing] Trump might work out.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Donald Trump
“Yo, shit has changed. These girls fuck fast now. They fuck fast and they leave. They just get the fuck out yo house.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Fucking, Young Women
“Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: black ass, crackers, anti-white racism, Guns
“Duck, pie-fucker! Damn, these white boys can't fight.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: White Boys, pie-fucker, Anti-White
“I probably come up with half of my stand-up when I'm driving.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock On The Funny Business Of Finding Success
Tagged: offended, What You Focus On, Create In Movement/Air, Creative Process
“You can only offend me if you mean something to me.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock On The Funny Business Of Finding Success
Tagged: offended, What You Focus On
“You got the chromosomes in all the right places.”
— Osmosis Jones (voice), Osmosis Jones
Tagged: chromosome, Pretty
“The world's cold as a motherfucker, IJ? When you get older, one thing I learned… only women, children and dogs…are loved unconditionally. Women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved…under the condition that he provides something. ”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Love, Unconditional Love, Disposable Men
“When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it’s all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they’re not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.”
— Chris Rock, In Conversation CHRIS ROCK
Tagged: Race, Progress, America
“When guys cheat…it’s like, we want something new. We want something new, right? But, then, you know what happens? Your woman finds out. And now she’s new. She’s never the same again. So, now you got new, but you got a bad new. You know? You got bad fucking new, man.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Cheating, Fucking
“Banky: Uh, Chaka? Hi, I'm Banky Edwards, the creator of Bluntman and Chronic. We met a few weeks back, I'm the executive producer.

Chaka: Oh, you're the executive producer. Well, why don't you executive produce me a latte—De-Crackernated. OK, Fucky?

Banky: Actually, it's Banky.

Chaka: No, it is Fucky.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: executive producer, Cracker
“How the fuck you gonna have a school with no bullies? Bullies do half the work. That’s right. Teachers do one half. Bullies do the whole other half. And that’s the half you’re gonna use as a fucking grown-up. That’s right. Who gives a fuck if you can code… if you start crying ’cause your boss didn’t say hi? You fucking weak bitch. Get the fuck away from me.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: bullying, street smarts, What School Is For, Teachers
“Whenever the cops gun down an innocent black man…they always say the same things, man. They always say the same thing. It’s like, 'Well, it’s not most cops. It’s just a few bad apples.' It’s just a few bad apples. Bad apple? That’s a lovely name for murderer. It’s like, how’d they get that one? 'Bad apple?' That almost sounds nice. I mean, I’ve had a bad apple. It was tart.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Police Shootings, Police Brutality, Bad Apples
“Religious extremists extremely believe in God. And occasionally blow shit up. Which is really odd when you think about it. ‘Cause if you truly believe in God, you believe that God created the Earth, the moon, the stars, the sun. You believe that God is the most powerful being in the universe. So, if you believe God’s the most powerful being in the universe, why would he need your help?”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Religion, Extremism
“But the thing is, we treat racism in this country like it’s a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You’ve got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it’s immune to and what breaks it down.”
— Chris Rock, In Conversation CHRIS ROCK
Tagged: racism, Black Lives Matter (C1), American Racism
“I was addicted to porn. I know, billion-dollar industry. Just me. Right? I was addicted to porn. You know. And, you know. You know. I was 15 minutes late, everywhere. I got some witnesses. When you watch too much porn, you know what happens? Here’s what happens to you. You become, like, sexually autistic. You develop, like, sexual autism. You have a hard time with eye contact and… verbal cues. You want everything to be routine. Like, you can’t choke your woman every night. You gotta mix it up. Choke-out Thursdays.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Porn, Sex Addiction
“So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress. There’s been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. If you saw Tina Turner and Ike having a lovely breakfast over there, would you say their relationship’s improved? Some people would. But a smart person would go, ‘Oh, he stopped punching her in the face.’ It’s not up to her. Ike and Tina Turner’s relationship has nothing to do with Tina Turner. Nothing. It just doesn’t.”
— Chris Rock, Chris Rock Talks to Frank Rich About Ferguson, Cosby, and What ‘Racial Progress’ Really Means
Tagged: Race, Abuse, Progress, Obama
“You think kids were nice to Bill Gates in high school?

Hey, Gates, you Charlie Brown-looking motherfucker. Fuck you, Gates. You four-eyed bitch. Fuck you and your windows, you gape-tooth motherfucker. I’m gonna smack the shit out of you, fucking Gate. Gate motherfucker. You can’t get in the gate, Gates.' You think kids were nice to Mark Zuckerberg in high school? 'Hey, Zucker-fuck. Zucker-fucker. Mother-Zucker. Mother. Zuck-Zucker, mother-Zuck. Suck my nuts-er, Zucker. Mother-Zucker. Mother-Zuck. Zucker-mother. Zucker-mother. Mother-Zucker.' He invented Facebook after somebody smacked him in the face with a book. He invented Facebook just to get friends.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, bullying, Facebook and Profit
“God doesn’t make mistakes. Hush your mouth. God make plenty of mistakes. You ever see a porcupine? Can’t eat it. Can’t hug it. It’s ugly, sticky, shitting all over the place. Mistake. What about quicksand? Sand you can drown in. You can drown dry. You think God meant to make quicksand? Mistake. You ever been to Mississippi? Mistake. M-I-S-S-T-A-K-E! You fucking kidding me? Just a big hunk of racist dirt. Fucking Mississippi.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: God, Mississippi, Mistakes Are Portals of Discovery
“And I’m sitting there and this lady comes up and goes,
I want you children to know you can be anything you wanna be. You can be absolutely anything you wanna be.

I’m like, 'Lady, why are you lying to these children?' Maybe four of them could be anything they wanna be. But the other 2,000 better learn how to weld. Shit, I’m looking at these kids right now. I count at least 60 Uber drivers. They could be anything they wanna be. Shut the fuck up. Really? They could be anything they wanna be? Then how come you’re a vice principal? Was that the dream? Did you dress up like a vice principal when you was a kid?”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Uber, Potential, lying
“We got the gun problems. This gun shit ain’t going nowhere, ok? It’s like, 'Gun control.' There ain’t never gonna be no gun control, OK? You talk about it too long and you will get shot. They will shoot yo ass, ok? That’s right. They never, ever changing the gun laws. Because Americans need the right to hunt. They need to hunt. It’s like, 'Really?” Hunting’s that fucking important? I mean… I’ve been hunting. I’ve been hunting. I used to hunt with my grandfather as a kid in South Carolina. Went hunting with my grandfather. Uh, I shot a rabbit. I cried. He called me a faggot.”
— Chris Rock,
Tagged: Gun Control, Hunting
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