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Smoking
(38)
Smoking is gonna save lives.
—
Dwight Schrute
(Rainn Wilson)
,
The Office
,
Season 5
:
Stress Relief
smoking
Fire Drill
Share
Ethel
: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot
: 22 years.
Ethel
: Well, I think you should quit.
—
Margot Tenenbaum
(Gwyneth Paltrow)
,
The Royal Tenenbaums
smoking
Share
Bill Tench
: Smoke?
Holden Ford
: Oh, uh I don't smoke when I eat.
Bill Tench
: Want to go outside?
Holden Ford
: I don't smoke when I don't eat, either.
—
Bill Tench
(Holt McCallany)
,
Mindhunter
,
Season 1
:
Episode 1
smoking
eating
Share
Cathy Jamison:
I'll pay you a 100 bucks for every pound you lose. Here. Here's a good faith... $23. We meet in the gym every Friday at 2:00 for weigh-ins. If you smell like a cigarette, the deal is off.
Andrea Jackson:
This skinny bitch will see you on Friday, then.
—
Cathy Jamison
(Laura Linney)
,
The Big C
,
Season 1
:
Pilot
losing weight
Skinny
Bitch
cigarette
smoking
gym
Exercise
Incentive
humor
Money
Share
Derice Bannock
:
[Derice sees Sanka's breath in the cold Calgary air]
Sanka mon, whatcha smoking?
Sanka Coffie
: I'm not smoking, I'm breathing!
—
Derice Bannock
(Leon)
,
Cool Runnings
smoking
condensation
Calgary
Share
Samantha:
No smoking in bars? What's next, no fucking in bars?
Miranda:
Well, first there would have to be a no-fucking section.
—
Miranda Hobbes
(Cynthia Nixon)
,
Sex and the City
,
Season 6
:
To Market, to Market
smoking
bars
Sex
section
Share
Have you been smoking one of your ponchos?
—
Amanda Tanen
(Becki Newton)
,
Ugly Betty
,
Season 1
:
Fey's Sleigh Ride
smoking
ponchos
Questions
Share
f there's one thing working in witness protection has taught me it's that people hate change. Oh, we all say we want to change; get thinner, quit smoking, learn to speak Portuguese, but we don't. For better or worse, our habits define us. We turn the pages of the same tattered script over and over, clinging to our well rehearsed routines like barnacles, and nothing rankles us more than having to learn new lines.
—
Mary Shannon
(Mary McCormack)
,
In Plain Sight
,
Season 1
:
Who Shot Jay Arnstein?
witness protection
Change
thin
smoking
habits
Define
Simile Examples
barnacles
Share
Stan
: Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times: No smoking in the house!
Roger
: And I told you it's menthol. So it's healthier than an apple.
—
Stan Smith (voice)
(Seth MacFarlane)
,
American Dad!
,
Season 2
:
Not Particularly Desperate Housewives
smoking
healthy
Apple
Menthol
Share
Funny. ‘Cause I look around at this world you’re so eager to be a part of, and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for the fastest ride out. Who’s not crazy? Look around. Everyone’s drinking, smoking, shooting up, shooting each other, or just plain screwing their brains out ‘cause they don’t want ‘em anymore. I’m crazy? Honey, I’m the original one-eyed Chiclet in the kingdom of the blind. ‘Cause at least I admit the world makes me nuts.
—
Glory
(Clare Kramer)
,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
,
Season 5
:
The Weight of the World
crazy
Drinking
smoking
Shooting Up
screwing
Chiclet
Share
You're a woman and you smoke. What do YOU want?
—
Ted Chaough
(Kevin Rahm)
,
Mad Men
,
Season 5
:
The Phantom
smoking
Share
As adults we try to relax from the never-ending quest for reason and order by drinking a little whiskey or smoking whatever works for us, but the wisdom isn't in the whiskey or the smoke.
The wisdom is in the moments when the madness slips away and we remember the basics.
—
Willie Nelson
,
The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart
Whiskey
smoking
Relaxation
Wisdom
Madness
Share
I had gotten up to two, maybe three, packs (of cigarettes) a day. And my lungs were bothering me and I'd had pneumonia two or three times. And I was also smoking pot, and I decided, well, one of them's got to go. And so I took a pack of Chesterfields and took all the Chesterfields out, rolled up 20 big fat ones and put it in there, and I haven't smoked a cigarette since then.
—
Willie Nelson
,
via en.wikiquote.org
Cigarettes
smoking
Addiction
Chesterfields
Smoking Pot
Share
In church I was told that if I so much as smoked a cigarette or tasted alcohol, I’d be damned in hell for all eternity…it didn’t take long for me to start thinking that sounded all wrong….I didn’t cotton to the idea that your religion should be flaunted to other people. Your religion is for you, and is best kept close to your heart.
—
Willie Nelson
,
via en.wikiquote.org
Church
smoking
Drinking
Cigarettes
Alcohol
Sin
Religion
Share
I'm smoking dope till I exhaust.
—
Famous Dex
,
Drip From My Walk
(Drip From My Walk)
Weed
smoking
Share
Did you hear about the cop that was fired for smoking weed and masturbating in his patrol car? Evidently he was a high wanking officer.
—
iAmWillyAmm
,
Did you hear about the cop that was fired for smoking weed and masturbating in his patrol car?
smoking
high
officer
Share
How did you quit smoking? I decided to start smoking only after sex.
—
FOXTERAM
,
How did you quit smoking?
smoking
Sex
Quit
Share
Rugged? The man's a goblin. He's only been exposed to smoke for four days. By the time this case gets to trial, he’ll be nothing more than a shrunken head.
—
Jackie Chiles
(Phil Morris)
,
Seinfeld
,
Season 8
:
The Abstinence
Rugged
Goblins
smoking
Lawsuits
Tobacco
Share
Miss Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen into a horrible, twisted freak.
—
Jackie Chiles
(Phil Morris)
,
Seinfeld
,
Season 8
:
The Abstinence
smoking
Lawyers
Lawsuits
Freaks
Hyperbole
Share
Everyone smokes. You're only a rebel if you don't.
—
Kyle
(C.J. Berdahl)
,
Shameless
,
Season 3
:
May I Trim Your Hedges?
smoking
Cigarettes
Anti-Conformist
Share
We should legalize drugs the same way we legalize alcohol and smoking, and then let those people have to deal with the consequences of their actions. But you can't prohibit it—it doesn't work, it didn't work in the twenties, it doesn't work today.
—
Al Goldstein
,
via jimgoad.net
Drug Legalization
Alcohol
smoking
Prohibition
Share
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
—
Benny Hill
,
Stop Smoking
smoking
Cigarettes
Dating
humor
Share
Can I smoke now without someone taking my picture?
—
Hank Aaron
,
via www.baseball-almanac.com
smoking
Fame
Fans
Picture Taking
Share
Two men having a chat.
There was two men one smoked 2 packs a day for the last 20 years. The other never smoked a day in his life. The non smoker tells the smoker that if he didn't smoke he could've saved around $115,000! Enough to buy a Lamborghini!
The man takes a long drag from his cigarette. And asks. Do you smoke? The non smoker says no. The smoker says, then wheres your fucking Lamborghini?
—
googgles
,
Two men having a chat
smoking
Lamborghini
Share
Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed? Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"
—
madazzahatter
,
"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?"
cop
smoking
glazed
Donuts
Share
I know I’m not supposed to say this
but the smell of tobacco on you
does things to me
I would not want my mom —
or the Surgeon General
to know.
—
Chrissy Stockton
,
We Are All Just A Collection Of Cords
In love
smoking
Smell Of Love
Share
College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking..
—
David Sedaris
,
Naked
College
Discoveries
Drugs
Alcohol
smoking
Share
Under my doctor's advice, I am now healthily smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day.
He told me smoking just 1 pack a day would kill me
—
JokeJedi
,
Under my doctor's advice, I am now healthily smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day.
doctor
Patient
smoking
Share
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing ever
I've done it a thousand times.
—
warrioguythi
,
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing ever
smoking
Quitting
Share
After seeing the Anti-Smoking campaign, I don't smoke anymore. But I don't smoke any less, either.
—
guishark09
,
After seeing the Anti-Smoking campaign, I don't smoke anymore.
smoking
Jokes
Share
I'm always very honest with the people I photograph. I open up a lot and tell people about my own experiences and answer their questions honestly. I'm asking my subjects for something, so I want to give something in return.
—
Naomi Harris
,
Snap judgements: Seven great photographers talk about their craft
Photography
Art
Dealing With Photographic Subjects
Share
I think art history is crucial for anyone in the visual arts. You have to understand how ideas evolve.
—
David LaChapelle
,
Snap judgements: Seven great photographers talk about their craft
Art History
Photography
Share
Every time I see an old person smoking I smile thinking like,
hell yeah, fuck death
.
—
Michael Timlin
,
via twitter.com
smoking
Old People
Share
Quit smoking! Um, you should already know this by now. But in case you and/or your guy needed one more reason to quit, lighting up is dark news in the bedroom.
—
Gena Kaufman
,
How to Make Sex Last Longer If Your Guy Is a Quick Finisher
Last Longer In Bed
smoking
Cigarettes
Share
John
: 'Do you have to smoke so much? It's just so bad for you.'
Charlotte
: 'I'll stop later.'
—
John
,
Lost in Translation
smoking
Bad Habits
Share
Smoking marijuana, eating cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.
—
Walter White
,
Breaking Bad
,
Season 2
:
4 Days Out
smoking
pot
eating
masturbating
Share
Just 62 days out from the election, and 135 days until Obama resumes smoking in public.
—
Stephen Colbert
,
via Twitter
Election
President
Obama
smoking
Share
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking.
—
Mark Twain
,
The Autobiography of Mark Twain
cigar
smoking
humor
Irony
Sarcasm
rule
Law
Life
Vices
Vice
Share