All Quotes tagged Honesty(297)

Bertier: Listen, I'm Gerry, you're Julius. Let's just get some particulars and get this over with.

Big Ju: Particulars? Man, no matter what I tell you, you ain't never gonna know nothing about me.

Bertier: Listen, I ain't running any more of these three-a-days.

Big Ju: Well, what I've got to say, you really don't wanna hear 'cuz honesty ain't too high upon your people's priorities list.

Bertier: Honesty? You want honesty? Alright, honestly, I think you're nothing. Nothing but a pure waste of God-given talent. You don't listen to nobody, man! Not even Doc or Boone! Shiver push on the line every time and you blow right past 'em! Push 'em, pull 'em, do something! You can't run over everybody in this league, and every time you do you leave one of your teammates hanging out to dry, me in particular!

Big Ju: Why should I give a hoot about you, huh? Or anyone else out there? You wanna talk about the ways you're the captain, right?

Bertier: Right.

Big Ju: You got a job?

Bertier: I've got a job.

Big Ju
: You been doing your job?

Bertier: I've been doing my job.

Big Ju: Then why don't you tell your white buddies to block for Rev better? Because they have not blocked for him worth a plug nickel, and you know it! Nobody plays. Yourself included. I'm supposed to wear myself out for the team? What team? Nah, nah what I'm gonna do is look out for myself and I'ma get mine.

Bertier: See man, that's the worst attitude I ever heard.

Big Ju: Attitude reflects leadership, captain.

There are lessons to be found here—but mostly, I do this so you can know me. Lately, as I write these, I realize they are as much for me as they are for you. This is the one place I can be completely open—the pen and paper has no judgment, no vote, it simply receives my truth and allows me to turn the page. And today, this is my truth. I am terrified a great deal of the time—afraid of what I've done, of what I'm doing, and of what I might have to do. It's not a crippling fear, in fact, it's just the opposite. I thrive on it, I crave it, I need that rush of terror to get me out of bed in the morning. It's in my DNA. I have tremendous remorse for the acts of violence I've committed, both planned and spontaneous. But I think what brings me the most sorrow is that I've learned to justify this behavior. I always find a reason, a cause, a need that allows me the karmic lubrication to stuff my guilt into a savage compartment. I've become the thing, the one I hated. And with that awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self-hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I'll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass, and cut myself with shards of broken reflection. Since my best friend was killed, I've lost my center. 'Op' was always my pull back to true north. Now my doubt and sense of fraudulence bark so loudly in my head that most of the time I can't hear anything else. Love, camaraderie, freedom—all the things I want from this life are lost in the din. Forgive my indulgence, sons, but today may be a day we both remember. A defining day. And I want you to look back at this entry and know that at the very least, your father was completely honest, so you know I speak the truth when I tell you that you are the most important thing to me. I'll never hurt you, never abandon you. I love you, Abel. I love you, Thomas. More than anything or anyone. I always will. Everything I do is for my sons.