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Quotes tagged “Funny Quotes”

“I love myself but I don't like the way I am.”
— Trixie Mattel, #WOWHelpMe
Tagged: LOL, Relatable, Funny Quotes, Best Quotes
“Look at those horny horny hippos.”
— Nick Miller, New Girl, Season 7: About Three Years Later
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Animal Jokes
“What do you call friends you meet at culinary school? Taste buds!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“Why do the French eat snails? Because they don’t like fast food!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“What’s Adele’s favorite dessert? Jello from the other side!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“What did 50 Cent say on National Ice Cream Day? Go shawty, it’s sherbert day!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“What did Taylor Swift say to the melon? Look what you made me dew!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“What do you say to a herb that’s running late? It’s about thyme!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I’m not telling you. You might spread it!”
— Maria Monrovia, 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs
Tagged: Food Puns, Puns, Funny, Funny Quotes
“I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest... It's his altar ego.”
— GabeRothel, I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest
Tagged: Funny, dad jokes, Funny Quotes
“I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts bragging in an open foyer.”
— porichoygupto, I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they are.
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Funny Jokes, dad jokes, Funny
“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.”
— Jack Handy, Jack Handy- 197 quotes
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Sarcasm Quotes, Joke Quotes
“Austin Powers: Did you just soil yourself?


Fat Bastard: Maybe? It did sound a little wet, didn't it? Right at the end. Let's have a smell alright. Ohh wafting, wafting. Ohh everyone likes their own brand, this is magic. Alright analysis... It smells like carrots and throws up. Ohh that could gag a maggot. I smell like hot sick ass in a dead carcass. Ohh even stink would say that stinks. You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell cooking on each floor and you go what are they cooking? That, plus crap.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Do you find me sexy? Ohhhh, look at my tit-ays.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Here's my diaper. I think I might have pinched one off too soon. [Sniffs diaper] Oh ya, I left a rosebud in there for ya.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Of course, I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you. I've got more chins than Chinese phone book. I've not seen my willy in two years which is long enough to declare I'm legally dead.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Dr. Evil, let me make you a deal alright? You keep the mojo, you keep the money. And I'll get your baby [while smacking lips].”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Come here I'm going to eat you. I'm bigger than you I'm higher on the food chain. Get in my belly!”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“First things first, where's your shitter? I've got a turtle head poking out. I'm not kidding I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Christ I'm getting all emotinoal from it, ya know?”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes

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About The Authors

This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.

Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.

Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.