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Freaks and Geeks Quotes

“You can hardly stand to be around us. When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you and we cleaned your butts when you pooped and we loved it. Now, we try to pat you on the head and you run for the hills. Well, I'm fed up. We are going to be close from now on whether you like it or not. We're going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damn it!”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Quality Time, Child Rearing
“Jean: Nobody's home. You wanna have a little sex?

Harold: Sex?! Well, okay.”
— Jean Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Carded and Discarded
Tagged: Sex
“Sam Weir: Cindy Sanders is, like, a librarian type.

Neal Schweiber: Yeah, librarian for the Playboy mansion.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: I'm With the Band
Tagged: Librarian, Playboy
“Neal Schweiber: Whoa, it's a naked woman!

Bill Haverchuck: What's she doing?

Neal Schweiber: Who cares, she's naked!”
— Neal Schweiber, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tests and Breasts
Tagged: Naked, Naked Woman, Porno
“Sam: What am I supposed to do with a porno?

Neal: You watch it. Over and over.

Sam: Ew, only perverts watch pornos, right?

Neal: Well, then every guy in America is a pervert.”
— Bob Nickman, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tests and Breasts
Tagged: Porno, Pervert
“I don't really like jokes. I don't think they're funny.”
— Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tests and Breasts
Tagged: Jokes, Funny, Irony
“I guess I'm just gonna have to mark this locker again. This time in geek blood.”
— Karen Scarfoli, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Kim Kelly is My Friend
Tagged: Locker, Marking Territory, Geek Blood
“Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: Foxhole, North Koreans, Fun, Irony
“Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in these peanuts.”
— Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: Allergies, Peanuts
“Bill Haverchuck: I just hope I get candy I can eat. I'm allergic to peanuts, licorice, and nougat.

Neal Schweiber: How can you possibly be allergic to nougat?
[Sam laughs]

Bill Haverchuck: I don't know. My doctor says I'm allergic to more things than anyone he's ever seen.”
— Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: Allergies, Nougat, Peanuts, Licorice
“Sam Weir: Nobody thinks you're cool, you know.

Lindsay Weir: Trust me, I know.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: cool, Uncool, Nerds
“Alan White: Shut up, you little girl.

Bill Haverchuck: I'm not a little girl, I'm a bionic woman.”
— Bill Haverchuck, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: Little Girl, Bionic Woman, Cross Dressing, Halloween Costumes
“Hm...looking for Chaplin, only seeing Hitler.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Tricks and Treats
Tagged: Halloween Costumes, Charlie Chaplin, Adolf Hitler
“Sam: What's non-alcoholic beer?

Bill: It's beer but without that ingredient that makes you drunk.

Neal: Alcohol?

Bill: Yeah.”
— Sam Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Beers and Weirs
Tagged: Non-Alcoholic Beer, Alcohol
“Harold: I guess you'd prefer we listen to that punk rock music I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience! Yep, that's what I wanna do. Spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment...Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.

Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.

Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.”
— Harold Weir, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Beers and Weirs
Tagged: Punk, punk rock, Sex PIstols, Elvis Presley, Paradise
“Look, these teachers...these teachers want us to work, you know? And I say fine...I'll work. But you gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do. And for me, Lindsay, it's my—it's my drum kit, man. This my passion, you know? This is- this is the essence of who I am now. But before I had this, I was lost too. You see what I'm saying? You need to find...your reason for—for living, man. You've got to find, your big, just gigantic drum kit, you know?”
— Nick Andopolis, Freaks and Geeks, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Teachers, Drum Kit, Passion
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