Best "Catastrophe" Quotes

You see a little troll tobogganing out of your wife's snatch on a wave of turds and part of you will hold her responsible.

— Chris, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Troll Vagina Birth Reproduction Poop graphic Baby

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If you think I'm going to put time, money and effort into maybe getting into some woman's pants, you're crazy.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Time Money Sex Effort crazy

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Rob Norris: So I just write a check every month and leave it at that? Fuck that. I didn't know my father and it sucked. This kid gets a dad.

Sharon: Oh, God, you don't have to be so American about it.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Baby Money Fatherhood American Cheap

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I'll remember you as a sturdy love maker with a massive chin, who was kind to waiters and taxi drivers, which suggests you might actually be a good person.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Love Sex Chin Kind Waiters Taxi Drivers Good

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Rob Norris: If I thrust too deeply, will my penis latch onto the IUD coil thingy and pull it out?

Sharon Morris: Yeah. No, it's fine. They put it more than two and a half inches inside me.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 5

thrust penis IUD Diss Penis Size

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Your situation sounds fucking awful, I'd love to hear more about it.

— Dave, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 2

situation Awful talking Gossip

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Why haven't I cheated on you? Because... Loads of reasons. I mean, the biggest is you have been pregnant so much, so, not fucking some prostitute is the least I can do when you have been carting around our babies in your body.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Cheating Reasons pregnant Sex

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I'm gonna look back on my time with you and remember you as an extraordinarily good smelling woman with a magical ass, and you're smart, so you can even get away with being less attractive, and you'd still be fairly attractive.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Reflect Extraordinary Love romance Attractive

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If I ever do cheat on you, it's going to be a cash transaction with a guaranteed ejaculation, after which she immediately leaves so I can ponder suicide because of how guilty I feel.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Cheating Cash ejaculation ponder Suicide Guilt

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She's one of these people where, like, everything has gone her way. You know, and she thinks she did it. But, it was luck.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Luck Good Things fortunate

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You know I just wish one bad thing would happen to her. Like I don't want her to get hit by a bus or anything. But you know, maybe she got arrested for tax fraud or if her dad got caught with child porn or something, you know just to knock the smug out of her.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

bad thing bus Arrested tax fruad Smug

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Genre:	Comedy
Number Of Seasons:	3
Network:	Channel 4
User Score (votes):	7.5 / 10 (34,35)

TV Quotes / Catastrophe

Catastrophe

Writers often seen in this show:

Catastrophe Characters

Season 1 Quotes

Season 2 Quotes

Season 3 Quotes

Trending Shows

You see a little troll tobogganing out of your wife's snatch on a wave of turds and part of you will hold her responsible.

— Chris, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

If you think I'm going to put time, money and effort into maybe getting into some woman's pants, you're crazy.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Rob Norris: So I just write a check every month and leave it at that? Fuck that. I didn't know my father and it sucked. This kid gets a dad.

Sharon: Oh, God, you don't have to be so American about it.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

I'll remember you as a sturdy love maker with a massive chin, who was kind to waiters and taxi drivers, which suggests you might actually be a good person.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Rob Norris: If I thrust too deeply, will my penis latch onto the IUD coil thingy and pull it out?

Sharon Morris: Yeah. No, it's fine. They put it more than two and a half inches inside me.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 5

Your situation sounds fucking awful, I'd love to hear more about it.

— Dave, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 2

Why haven't I cheated on you? Because... Loads of reasons. I mean, the biggest is you have been pregnant so much, so, not fucking some prostitute is the least I can do when you have been carting around our babies in your body.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Trending Shows

I'm gonna look back on my time with you and remember you as an extraordinarily good smelling woman with a magical ass, and you're smart, so you can even get away with being less attractive, and you'd still be fairly attractive.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

If I ever do cheat on you, it's going to be a cash transaction with a guaranteed ejaculation, after which she immediately leaves so I can ponder suicide because of how guilty I feel.

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

She's one of these people where, like, everything has gone her way. You know, and she thinks she did it. But, it was luck.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

You know I just wish one bad thing would happen to her. Like I don't want her to get hit by a bus or anything. But you know, maybe she got arrested for tax fraud or if her dad got caught with child porn or something, you know just to knock the smug out of her.

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Catastrophe Characters

Combined ShapeTV Quotes / Catastrophe

Catastrophe

Writers often seen in this show:

Catastrophe Characters

Season 3 Quotes

Trending Shows

— Chris, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 5

— Dave, Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 2

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

Trending Shows

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

— Rob Norris (Rob Delaney), Catastrophe, Season 2: Episode 4

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

— Sharon Morris (Sharon Horgan), Catastrophe, Season 1: Episode 1

Catastrophe Characters

TV Quotes / Catastrophe