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Steve Martin Quotes

Total quotes: 25
“[left alone, chained to a cell wall] So I just wait here then?”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Understatement
“A woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.”
— Inspector Jacques Clouseau, The Pink Panther
Tagged: Funny Lines About Love, Love Humor
“What did I do to warrant unrelenting internet ads for women’s slippers?”
— Steve Martin, via twitter.com
Tagged: Ads, advertisements, Digital Ads
“Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?

Dusty Bottoms: Medium rare.”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: bat, medium rare
“You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: insults, Slime, Pig, Goat
“I am so lost here. Can someone please fill me in? Unless it's boring, and then don't.”
— Oliver Putnam, Only Murders in the Building, Season 1: Who Is Tim Kono?
Tagged: Boring, tell me, lost, explain
“Just when it's starting to feel the same, that's when you get hit by something you never saw coming.”
— Oliver Putnam, Only Murders in the Building, Season 1: True Crime
Tagged: familiar, Same, New, Shock
“Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.”
— Inspecteur Jacques Clouseau, The Pink Panther 2
Tagged: Crime Humor, Stuck in rut
“A lot of people think you look back and you say, 'Wow, what a successful career. It’s just amazing. It’s fantastic.' But I remember the flops, too. Those flops don’t go away.”
— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again
Tagged: Success, Career, flops
“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”
— Steve Martin, 46 Celebrity Sex Quotes For A Racy Valentine's Day
Tagged: Dating, Sex
“A cat never really leaves you because they transmit parasites.”
— Charles-Haden Savage, Only Murders in the Building, Season 1: How Well Do You Know Your Neighbors?
Tagged: Cat, Parasite, Leave
“Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?

Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.

Navin R. Johnson: What was it?

Marie: ‘The Way We Were.’”
— Navin R. Johnson, The Jerk
Tagged: Crying, The Way We Were
“When you’re fifteen and you’re trying to figure out a way to perform, a magic act is perfect. Because you buy a trick and then it’s got patter written in the instructions. You know, 'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...' You memorize that and you’ve got a show.”
— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again
Tagged: Magic, Performing, Standup Comedy
“Lucky Day: Not so fast, El Guapo! Or I'll pump you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!

El Guapo: What do you mean?

Lucky Day: I don't know.

Jefe: I think he means that if you...

El Guapo: Shut up!”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: dick, Death Threats
“Lucky Day: Wherever there is injustice, you will find us.

Ned Nederlander: Wherever there is suffering, we'll be there.

Dusty Bottoms: Wherever liberty is threatened, you will find...

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms: The Three Amigos!”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Liberty, Suffering, Injustice
“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
— Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Tagged: Talent, Persistence, Success
“In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo!”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: dangerous
“Lucky Day: Oh, great. You killed the invisible swordsman!

Ned Nederlander: [runs over to check] He's dead, all right.

Dusty Bottoms: How was I supposed to know where he was?

Lucky Day: You were supposed to fire up. We both fired up. [aside] It's like living with a six-year old.”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Invisible Swordsman
“Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: [singing] My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile/ Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a while?/ We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two/ Oh, Dear little Buttercup, I love you!

Lucky Day: [motioning for people to join in singing] C'mon, everybody!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: My little Buttercup has the sweetest...

[points to man]

Patron: Es-smile!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Dear little Buttercup, won't you stay a...

[points to another man]

Patron #2: While! While!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: We'll settle down together in a cottage built for two, ohh...

[Lucky and Ned point to group at table]

Crowd at Bar: Dear!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!

[Lucky and Ned point to another group]

Crowd at Bar: Sweet!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: Little Buttercup!

[Lucky points to bartender]

Bartender: My little Buttercup!

Lucky Day, Ned Nederlander: I love you!”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Song, Cottage, Buttercup
“Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?

Neal: Yes.

Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?

Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! And you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway, and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car... right... fucking... now.

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?

Neal: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal: Oh boy, what?

Car Rental Agent: You're fucked.”
— Neal Page, Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Tagged: Fucked, Thanksgiving Movies
“I started to really examine comedy, and I noticed there’s two kinds of laughter. One is when you’re watching the comedian and he says a joke and then you laugh at it, because you heard the punch line. And sometimes it’s really funny and you’re laughing. And other times it’s okay, but you still laugh because you’re laughing on the rhythm. And I thought, 'But there’s another kind of laughter. When you’re at home with your friends and you’re laughing so hard and you’re crying. You can’t stop laughing. And when you think about it, you don’t know why you’re laughing, you’re just laughing.' And I thought, 'What if I could go for that? Go for trying to actually be funny, where people are really laughing? And you say, ‘What are you laughing at?’ And they go, ‘I don’t know.’ I realized that when I was doing jokes, there would be this laughter. But if I just tried slightly different material and the audience didn’t have these punch lines to laugh at, they would pick their own place to laugh. They would determine when to laugh. I wouldn’t be telling them.”
— Steve Martin, Howard Stern Comes Again
Tagged: comedy, Laughter, punchline, Jokes
“Dusty Bottoms: Hey, Lucky, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?

Lucky Day: [thinks] A car. A big, shiny silver car. I'll drive all over Hollywood. Show Flugleman a thing or two. What about you?

Dusty Bottoms: New York. Maybe Paris. Champagne. Parties. I'll be a big shot for a while.

Lucky Day: Yeah.

Dusty Bottoms: How about you, Ned?

Ned Nederlander: I'm gonna start a foundation to help homeless children.

Dusty Bottoms: [he and Lucky realize how selfless that is compared to their ideas] That occurred to me to do that at one point, too.

Lucky Day: Well, I meant that I would do that first, and then I would get a big shiny car.”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Hollywood, New York, champagne, parties
“Lucky Day: [Lucky returning to group, now realizing that el Guapo and his gang, are real outlaws] It's real.

Dusty Bottoms: What?

Lucky Day: This is real.

Ned Nederlander: You mean...

Lucky Day: Yes, they are going... to kill us.

[Amigos begin sobbing pathetically]

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] What am I doing in Mexico?

Lucky Day: [Sobbing] I've been shot already.

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] I know.

Dusty Bottoms: [Sobbing] What are we gonna do?

Ned Nederlander: [Sobbing] We're not gonna get PAID, that's for sure.”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Mexico, sobbing, shooting
“Jefe: I have put many beautiful pinatas in the storeroom, each of them filled with little suprises.

El Guapo: Many pinatas?

Jefe: Oh yes, many!

El Guapo: Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?

Jefe: A what?

El Guapo: A plethora.

Jefe: Oh yes, you have a plethora.

El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?

Jefe: Why, El Guapo?

El Guapo: Well, you told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora.

Jefe: Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?”
— Jefe, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: plethora, Intellect
“Lucky Day: Reading telegram: ‘Three Amigos, Hollywood, California. You are very great. 100,000 pesos. Come to Santa Poco put on show, stop. The In-famous El Guapo.’

Dusty Bottoms: What does that mean, in-famous?

Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.

Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!

Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?”
— Lucky Day, ¡Three Amigos!
Tagged: Famous, infamous, Mexico
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