1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Mel Brooks
Mel Brooks photo

Mel Brooks Quotes

Total quotes: 45
“No 99, the real credit belongs to these toys. After all, we had at our disposal every fiendish and destructive plaything ever devised for the pleasure of little children. Those poor devils, all they had were real guns and bullets.”
— Maxwell Smart, Get Smart, Season 1: Our Man in Toyland
Tagged: Toys, Guns, bullets, NBC Shows
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: What hump?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Surgeon, hump, deformity
“I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just...followed it down. Call it...a hunch. Ba-dum chi.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: rimshot, hunch, hunchback
“[following Igor's botched attempt to interpret Dr. Frankenstein's charade clues while being attacked by the monster] SEDA-GIVE?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: sedative, Frustration
“Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!”
— Elizabeth, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: sweet mystery of life, Good Sex
“[Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors] Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.

Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.”
— Inga, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Knockers, boobs, Double Entendre
“[Frederick, Inga and Igor find an abandoned violin]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well this explains the music.

Igor: It's still warm.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Music, violin
“Oh. Where you going?...Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh...I think I love him.”
— Elizabeth, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Sex, One Night Stand, Love
“[to The Monster] Honey, did you see I put another hamper in the bathroom? This one's for your shirts, the other's just for socks and poo-poo undies.”
— Elizabeth, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: hamper, undies, Domestic Bliss
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Damn your eyes.

Igor: [to camera] Too late.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: cockeye, Too Late, Damn
“Two nasty lookin' switches over there, but I'm not going to be the first.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Nasty, switches, Cowardice
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Eyegor.

Igor: Froadrick.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Mispronunciations
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What is this place?

Igor: Music room? [plucks violin string]”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Music, violin
“Igor: Where are you going?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To wash up. I've got to look normal. [his bowtie pops open] We've all of us got to behave normally.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: normal, abnormal, wash up
“Max, we're trained not to have any personal feelings. But I think you know that if I had any children, I'd like them to be like you and Fang.”
— Thaddeus, Chief of CONTROL, Get Smart, Season 1: Mr. Big
Tagged: Children, fang, NBC Shows
“Igor: Sed-a...

Inga: Sed-a...

Igor: Dirty word! He said a dirty word!”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Charades, sedative, dirty word
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Throw... he third switch!

Igor: [shocked] Not the third switch!”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Shock, fake shock
“Inga: You haven't even touched your food. [Frederick explodes and slaps on his food]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There. Now I've touched it. Happy?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Hunger, no appetite, Literal
“[from inside the hay cart] Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay? [Dr. Frankenstein stutters] It's fun. [She begins to roll in the hay] Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.”
— Inga, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: roll in the hay, Sex, Intercourse
“My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: grandfather, Wages
“Frau Blücher: Good night, Herr Doktor.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Good night, Frau Blücher. [horses whinny]”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: horses, whinny, good night
“ [to Inga from behind the bookcase] Put...the candle...back!”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: trapped, Patience
“[Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.

Igor: Could be worse.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?

Igor: Could be raining. [it starts to pour]”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Rain, Bad Luck, could be worse
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.

Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Certainly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: bags, Women, Groucho Marx, blonde
“Wait, Master, it might be dangerous...you go first.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: dangerous, Cowardice
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, dear, are you ready?

Inga: Yes, Doctor.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Elevate me.

Inga: Now? Right here?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, yes, raise the platform.

Inga: Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: elevate, Misheard, german accent
“Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him...the things he'd say to me.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?

Igor: 'What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?'”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Dad, bathroom, unexpected
“Inspector Kemp: Vee had better confeerm de fect dat Yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed VALLOWING EEN EES GANDFADDA'S VOOTSHTAPS.

Villagers: What?

Inspector Kemp: Following in his grandfather's footsteps. [looks at blank faces] Footsteps! Footsteps!

Villagers: Ohhh. Footsteps.”
— Insp. Hans Wilhelm Friedrich Kamp, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: footsteps, german accent
“Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: 'Fronkensteen.'

Igor: You're putting me on.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced 'Fronkensteen.'

Igor: Do you also say 'Froaderick?'

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... 'Frederick.'

Igor: Well, why isn't it 'Froaderick Fronkensteen?'

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's 'Frederick Fronkensteen.'

Igor: I see.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor. [He pronounces it 'ee-gor']

Igor: No, it's pronounced 'eye-gor.'

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was 'ee-gor.'

Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Pronunciation
“Igor: What is this?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte.

The Monster: [off-screen] MMMMMMM!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts myself, but this is excellent.

Igor: Who are you talking to?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.

Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.

Igor: It wasn't me.

Inga: It wasn't me.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, now look here. If it wasn't you, and it wasn't you... [he asks himself]

The Monster: [off-camera] Mmmmmm!”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: dessert, Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte., yummy sound, Misheard
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to The Monster] Hello, handsome. You're a good-looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because...they are jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a god. And listen to me, you are not evil. You...are...good. [the Monster starts to cry, and Dr. Frederick Frankenstein hugs him] This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.

Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: angel, good boy, reassurance, Shame, Handsome
“Medical Student: Isn't it true that Darwin preserved a piece of vermicelli in a glass case until, by some extrordinary means, it actually began to move with voluntary motion?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you speaking of the worm or the spaghetti? [the class laughs]

Medical Student: Why, the worm, sir.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, I did read something of that incident when I was a student, but you have to remember that a worm... with very few exceptions... is not a human being.

Medical Student: But wasn't that the whole basis of your grandfather's work? The reanimation of dead tissue?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My grandfather was a very sick man.

Medical Student: But as a Fronkensteen, aren't you the least bit curious about it? Doesn't the bringing back to life what was once dead hold any intrigue to you?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind! Dead is dead!

Medical Student: But look at what has been done with hearts and kidneys...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Hearts and kidneys are Tinker Toys! I am talking about the central nervous system!”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: reanimation, tinker toys, lunatic, dead tissue
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you ready?

Igor: Are you sure this is how they did it?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes! It's all written down in the notes! Now tie off the kites and hurry down as fast as you can!

Igor: What's the hurry?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There's a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand? [no answer, shouts] I said, there is a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?

Igor: [suddenly appears next to Frederick] I understand. I understand. Why are you shouting?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Shouting, electrocution
“Inga: You know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. In the transference, the monster got part of your wonderful brain. But what did you ever get from him?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [growls suggestively]

Inga: [gasping] Oh my goodness, I don't believe... [emits several somewhat painful-sounding moans and grunts…singing] Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!”
— Inga, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Transference, huge penis, sweet mystery of life
“Inga: Werewolf!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?

Igor: There.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?

Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?

Igor: I thought you wanted to.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.

Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Pronunciation
“[after failing to bring the creature to life]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Nothing.

Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace. [starts beating up the creature] Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me?

Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I don't want to live. I do not want to live.

Igor: Quiet dignity and grace. [rolls eyes]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh...mama...”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Anger, Science, Failure, dignity, Grace
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That music...

Frau Blücher: Yes. It's in your blood - it's in the blood of ALL Frankensteins. It reaches the soul when words are useless. Your grandfather used to play it to the creature HE vas making.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then it was you all the time.

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You played that music in the middle of the night...

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ...to get us to the laboratory.

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That was YOUR cigar smoldering in the ashtray.

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: And it was you... who left my grandfather's book out for me to find.

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: So that I would...

Frau Blücher: Yes.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then you and Victor were...

Frau Blücher: YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOYFRIEND.”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Boyfriend, violin, cigar, german accent
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: With such a specimen for a body, all we need now is an equally magnificent brain. You know what to do?

Igor: I have a pretty good idea.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pointing to Igor's hump] Good man. Didn't you, didn't you use to have that on the other side?

Igor: What?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Your, uh, oh never mind.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Brain, humpback, hunchback
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Have all the preparations been made for the transference?

Inga: Yes, doctor.

Igor: Are you sure you want to go through with this?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It's the only thing that can save him now.

Igor: You realize you're risking both your lives?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [plays a sour note] Yes.”
— Igor, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: Risk, Transference
“Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?

Igor: [pause] No.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?

Igor: Then you won't be angry?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.

Igor: Abby someone.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause] Abby someone. Abby who?

Igor: Abby...Normal.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?

Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA? [grabs Igor and starts throttling him] Is that what you're telling me?”
— Dr. Frederick Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein
Tagged: abnormal, Misheard, monster
loading next page...