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- Marlon Wayans
Marlon Wayans Quotes
|Birthday:||July 23, 1972|
|Birthplace:||New York City, New York, United States|
|Educated At:||Howard University|
|Nationality:||United States Of America|
|Occupations:||Television Actor, Voice Actor, Film Director, Film Producer, Screenwriter|
Birthday: July 23, 1972
Birthplace: New York City, New York, United States
Educated At: Howard University
Nationality: United States Of America
Occupations: Television Actor, Voice Actor, Film Director, Film Producer, Screenwriter
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Tee-hee! Oh, fine.”
Marcus Copeland: Look, man.
Latrell Spencer: Negro, please. Didn’t anyone tell you that this was an all-white party, huh? Someone get this jigaboo away from me.”
Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a handbag?
Kevin Copeland: It’s not ‘just’ a handbag. It’s Prada.”
Kevin Copeland: [‘Brittany’ takes ‘her’ I.D. out of ‘her’ handbag and realizes it has Kevin’s information and photo on. ‘She’ quickly thinks and acts offended] Credit card? I.D.? I’m so freakin’ pissed! First of all, I go to Dr. Dorf and he totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow...I get off the surgery table looking like freakin’ Shrek! Then I get here, and Mr. Harper makes me feel like I’m some dumb blonde with fake boobs going to a Hugh Hefner party!
Agent Jake Harper: No, I—I didn’t mean to offend you; it’s just, it’s...it’s protocol!”
Brittany Wilson: [scoffs] This isn’t a weekend!
Tiffany Wilson: It’s the weekend!
Brittany Wilson: Labor Day in The Hamptons. The last weekend of the social season. Like, only the hottest people are going to be there.
Tiffany Wilson: And only the hottest of the hottest are going to make it onto the cover of ‘Hamptons Magazine’! And this is our year!
Brittany Wilson: [squeals] Yay!
[to Kevin, driving the car]
Brittany Wilson: Uh, open the window. Baby likes a little fresh breeze.
[Kevin opens the window]
Brittany Wilson: I just hope the Vandergeld Sisters’ private jet crashes on the way there!
Tiffany Wilson: [shocked] Oh, my God, Brittany!
Brittany Wilson: [to Tiffany] You were thinking it!
Tiffany Wilson: [to Brittany] I know, but you sai* it!
Brittany Wilson: I know, I know!
Tiffany Wilson: And you, know, Heather totally hates you because you slept with her boyfriend.
Brittany Wilson: Oh, my God! So what? I sleep with *everyone’s* boyfriend.”
Brittany Wilson: What?
Tiffany Wilson: [shows Brittany the picture] We’re on page 6!
Brittany Wilson: No!
Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!
Brittany Wilson: No!
Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!
Brittany Wilson: NO!
Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Look! [shows her the article] ‘Wilson Sisters Rock Hamptons’!
Brittany Wilson: [both girls gasp and erupt into screams] Wilsons rock! We rock!
Tiffany Wilson: [squealing] Yes!
Brittany Wilson: [realizing that they weren’t actually at the Hamptons, but were in the hotel room in New York the entire time] Wait...we weren’t in the Hamptons this weekend!
Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: [gasping]
Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: Oh no!
[looking at the screen]
Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: We’ve been cloned!”
[Brittney comes the dressing room with an outfit]
Kevin Copeland: How about this?
Lisa: [Sobbing] You bitch, that’s so terrible!
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] OK I’m going to go get help OK, you need professional help.
Lisa: [Sobbing] OK! OK!
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittney Wilson] Dr. Phil.”
Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she’s gonna have a bitch fit!
Hotel Clerk: No, don’t d-d-d-don’t have a, a, a BF now.
Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I’m gonna write a letter!
Marcus Copeland: You are in big trouble!
Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.”
[slams into postcard and knickknack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts]
Kevin Copeland: Sorry, um, they’re new. Dr. Dorfman did an amazing job.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany’s fake breasts] Feels so real.”
Megan Vandergeld: It’s the Beverly Ho-Billies.
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Squeeze me?
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh no, you didn’t?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] I’m sorry, but uhm...we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office. [laughs]
Marcus Copeland: A klept-ho-maniac! [laughs]
Megan Vandergeld: [arrogantly] Your mother shops at Saks.
Marcus Copeland: [indignantly as Tiffany Wilson] What? [the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers]
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson] Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It’s mother time, okay! Your mother’s so dumb she went to Dr. Dre for a Pap smear! ‘Something’s wrong, Dr. Dre! My coochie’s doing a beatbox!’
Heather Vandergeld: Well, yeah? Your mother’s so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something!
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson]: Your mother’s so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this: [blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh]
Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like...she’s so...[to Megan]…Megan, you go!
Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney’s Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a ‘ni-coise’ salad. ‘Ni-coise’ salad, right?
Marcus Copeland: [as Tiffany Wilson] Your mother’s ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King’s about to pop out and say, ‘Only in America!’”
Tiffany Wilson: [rolling her eyes, looking at them] We already gave to the United Negro Fund!
Brittany Wilson: Yeah!
[They continue walking]
Marcus Copeland, Kevin Copeland: [in unison] Excuse us. Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold on, hold on!
Kevin Copeland: Hold on!
[explaining to them their actual task]
Kevin Copeland: We’re actually here to escort you ladies to The Hamptons.
Tiffany Wilson: Oh!
[hands them their bags]
Tiffany Wilson: The bags are on the plane.
Brittany Wilson: [gives Kevin her dog carrier, with their dog, Baby] Here, take Baby and clean out his bag. Oh, my God; he didn’t have his colonic, and he, like, pooped everywhere!
[Baby, the dog yaps]”
Marcus Copeland: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. ‘We?’ Kevin, this ain’t about ‘we.’ It’s never been. It’s about you. You come up with some stupid idea and I’m dumb enough to go along with it. And look where it’s gotten me, Kevin. I just lost my wife and my job because of you. So, don’t tell me about ‘we’ no more, all right?”
Kevin Copeland: [as Brittany Wilson, but in his regular voice] Daddy didn’t tell you? He’s broke!
Heather Vandergeld: [confused] What do you mean ‘broke’? Like, Martha Stewart ‘broke’? Or MC Hammer ‘broke’?
Warren Vandergeld: MC Hammer broke!
Megan Vandergeld, Heather Vandergeld: [the Vandergelds wail and cry] NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”