Mark Steven Johnson Quotes

Total quotes (46)

Mark Steven Johnson

Mark Steven Johnson

Birthname

AKA Mark Johnson

Birthday October 30, 1964

Birthplace Hastings, Minnesota, United States

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Film Director, Film Producer, Screenwriter

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Total quotes (46)

I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been.

— Winnie the Pooh (Jim Cummings), Christopher Robin

Wisdom Going Somewhere Walking Away Small Steps Common Sense Inspirational Quotes Mottos

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[after Ariel kicks John out, and Max won't let him spend the night]

John Gustafson: I'm cold.

Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

cold cold-blooded

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Maria: I haven't been with a man for a long time

Max Goldman: Me, neither.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

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John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.

Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?

— John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon), Grumpy Old Men

smoking filtered cigarettes

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[Bragging about his sexual escapades] I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.

— John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon), Grumpy Old Men

laying pipe sexual escapades

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Weatherman: Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr!

Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpy Old Men

Cold Weather fatass

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Max: I am the gangster of love.

John: Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a holdup than a stickup?

Max: Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

Gangster holdup stickup erectile dysfunction Juvenile penis jokes

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[At Maria's restaurant in front of Ariel, Maria and Max]

John: Nobody slept with anybody.'

[Shows up in the background]

Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.

— Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith), Grumpier Old Men

Horny dirty old man

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Christopher Robert: I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult with responsibilities.

Winnie the Pooh: Well, that doesn't sound like fun!

— Christopher Robin (Ewan McGregor), Christopher Robin

Childhood adult Responsibilities Fun Growing Up

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Winnie The Pooh: What should happen if you forget about me?

Young Christopher Robin: Silly old bear. I wouldn't ever forget about you, Pooh, I promise. Not even when I'm a hundred.

— Young Christopher Robin (Orton O'Brien), Christopher Robin

forget Friendship Love Promise sweet A Hundred Forever

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John Gustafson: Ohh, you don't know a damn thing about me...

Ariel Truax: I do, too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.

— John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon), Grumpy Old Men

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If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpy Old Men

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[to Mama Regatti in the produce section of the market] How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size cannelloni?

— Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith), Grumpier Old Men

Pickup Lines cannelloni

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[TV on]

Geraldo: ‘Lesbian Bandits’ next on Geraldo.

Max: Ooooh, lesbians yummy.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

Lesbians Geraldo Rivera Trash TV Yummy

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Ariel Truax: John, when was the last time you made love?

John Gustafson: October 4th...1978.

Ariel Truax: Oh, I think we're safe.

— John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon), Grumpy Old Men

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John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon.

Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.

— Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith), Grumpier Old Men

Wish Crap low-fat bacon

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Winnie The Pooh: What day is it?

Christopher Robin: It's today.

Winnie The Pooh: My favorite day.

— Winnie the Pooh (Jim Cummings), Christopher Robin

Favorites Today sweet Simple Positive Outlook

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Christopher Robin: I've cracked.

Winnie The Pooh: Oh, I don't see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe.

— Winnie the Pooh (Jim Cummings), Christopher Robin

humor Wrinkles Cracked crazy Misunderstanding

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Max Goldman: Good morning, dickhead.

John Gustafson: Hello, moron.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpy Old Men

dickhead Moron insults

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John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it.

Max Goldman: What's your point?

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

Sour Mllk Apathy

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If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

dog ugly ass-shaving

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[singing] I just met a girl named Maria! And now I plainly see, she's not the bitch I thought she would be!

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpier Old Men

West Side Story Bitch

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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

— Winnie the Pooh (Jim Cummings), Christopher Robin

Wisdom impossible Nothing humor Ironic Misunderstanding

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Doing nothing often leads to the very best something.

— Winnie the Pooh (Jim Cummings), Christopher Robin

Wisdom Doing Nothing Somethingness contradictory go with the flow Living In The Moment Inspirational

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When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.

— Max Goldman (Walter Matthau), Grumpy Old Men

ulcers Farting razor blades

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