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Mark Steven Johnson Quotes

Total quotes: 46
“I always get to where I'm going by walking away from where I've been.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Wisdom, Going Somewhere, Walking Away, Small Steps, Common Sense, Inspirational Quotes, Mottos
“ [after Ariel kicks John out, and Max won't let him spend the night]

John Gustafson: I'm cold.

Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: cold, cold-blooded
“Maria: I haven't been with a man for a long time

Max Goldman: Me, neither.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Sex, Abstinence
“Christopher Robert: I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult with responsibilities.

Winnie the Pooh: Well, that doesn't sound like fun!”
— Christopher Robin, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Childhood, adult, Responsibilities, Fun, Growing Up
“Winnie The Pooh: What should happen if you forget about me?

Young Christopher Robin: Silly old bear. I wouldn't ever forget about you, Pooh, I promise. Not even when I'm a hundred.”
— Young Christopher Robin, Christopher Robin
Tagged: forget, Friendship, Love, Promise, sweet, A Hundred, Forever
“John Gustafson: Ohh, you don't know a damn thing about me...

Ariel Truax: I do, too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.”
— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: Regret, risks
“If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: Nude Scene
“[to Mama Regatti in the produce section of the market] How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size cannelloni?”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Pickup Lines, cannelloni
“[TV on]

Geraldo: ‘Lesbian Bandits’ next on Geraldo.

Max: Ooooh, lesbians yummy.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Lesbians, Geraldo Rivera, Trash TV, Yummy
“John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.

Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”
— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: smoking, filtered cigarettes
“[Bragging about his sexual escapades] I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.”
— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: laying pipe, sexual escapades
“Weatherman: Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr!

Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: Cold Weather, fatass
“Max: I am the gangster of love.

John: Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a holdup than a stickup?

Max: Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Gangster, holdup, stickup, erectile dysfunction, Juvenile, penis jokes
“ [At Maria's restaurant in front of Ariel, Maria and Max]

John: Nobody slept with anybody.'

[Shows up in the background]

Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Horny, dirty old man
“Ariel Truax: John, when was the last time you made love?

John Gustafson: October 4th...1978.

Ariel Truax: Oh, I think we're safe.”
— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: incel
“John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon.

Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Wish, Crap, low-fat bacon
“Winnie The Pooh: What day is it?

Christopher Robin: It's today.

Winnie The Pooh: My favorite day.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Favorites, Today, sweet, Simple, Positive Outlook
“Christopher Robin: I've cracked.

Winnie The Pooh: Oh, I don't see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: humor, Wrinkles, Cracked, crazy, Misunderstanding
“Max Goldman: Good morning, dickhead.

John Gustafson: Hello, moron.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: dickhead, Moron, insults
“John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it.

Max Goldman: What's your point?”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Sour Mllk, Apathy
“If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: dog, ugly, ass-shaving
“[singing] I just met a girl named Maria! And now I plainly see, she's not the bitch I thought she would be!”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: West Side Story, Bitch
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Wisdom, impossible, Nothing, humor, Ironic, Misunderstanding
“Doing nothing often leads to the very best something.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Wisdom, Doing Nothing, Somethingness, contradictory, go with the flow, Living In The Moment, Inspirational
“When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: ulcers, Farting, razor blades
“[after Allie swallows a quarter]

Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time.

Melanie: Really?

Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: relax, swallowing quarters
“We did the horizontal mambo.”
— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: sexual euphemisms
“John Gustafson: Here, drop anchor.

Max Goldman: You cut the anchor, you dumbass.

John Gustafson: All right, then grab the net.

Max Goldman: You cut that, too, you dickhead.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Dumbass, dickhead
“Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: sexual euphemisms
“Kids; can't live with them, can't shoot them.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: kids
“There's always time for a smackeral of wonder.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Smackeral, A bit, Wonder, Growing Up, Cute, Childlike Wonder
“Jacob: You're a child.

Max Goldman: Don't tell me, Jacob; it isn't me.

Jacob: Oh it never is. Uh huh, I'm sure John started every fight since 1940.

Max Goldman: ’38.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: Fighting, Nitpicking
“Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: insults
“Hey, dickhead, you win the lottery?”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: dickhead, lottery
“Christopher Robin: I'm not the person I used to be.

Winnie The Pooh: You saved us. You're a hero.

Christopher Robin: I'm not a hero, Pooh. The fact is, I'm lost.

Winnie The Pooh: But I found you.”
— Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin
Tagged: The Person I Used To Be, sweet, Growing Up, Friendship, lost, Hero, savior
“Hey, watch your mouth you dumb friggin' Swede.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpy Old Men
Tagged: Swedophobia
“Christopher Robin: Hello Pooh.

Winnie The Pooh: Hello, Christopher Robin.

Christopher Robin: I'm sorry, Pooh. I'm so terribly sorry. I should never had shouted at you.

Winnie The Pooh: Well I am a bear of very little brain.

Christopher Robin: No Pooh. You are, I think, a bear of very big heart.”
— Christopher Robin, Christopher Robin
Tagged: Love, Friendship, I'm Sorry, Apology, Stupid, Big Heart, Compassionate
“Mama Ragetti: We could have retired in Hawaii.

Grandpa Gustafson: I have been to Hawaii.

Mama Ragetti: Oh yeah? Which island?

Grandpa Gustafson: Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya.

Mama Ragetti: I find you disgusting.

Grandpa Gustafson: Well, just as long as you find me.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Pickup Lines, disgusting, Hawaii
“John Gustafson: I am going down and apologizing to Maria.

Max Goldman: You traitor, you Benedict Arnold.

John Gustafson: Yeah, yeah.

Max Goldman: Finally. I didn't think he would last that long.

[Grabs milk and smells it]

Max Goldman: Smells all right to me.”
— Max Goldman, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Apologies, Traitor, Benedict Arnold
“Grandpa: And then the Mama Bear said, ‘Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, too!’ And finally, the Baby Bear looked and he said, ‘Somebody's sleeping in my bed, and the bastard's still there!’ But Goldilocks had a Remington semi-automatic, with a scope and a hair-trigger!

Allie, Melanie's Daughter: That's not the way it goes!

Grandpa: And that was the end of the Three Bears.”
— Grandpa Gustafson, Grumpier Old Men
Tagged: Goldilocks, Three Bears, Remington
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