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Mark Steven Johnson Quotes
AKA: | Mark Johnson |
Birthday: | October 30, 1964 |
Birthplace: | Hastings, Minnesota, United States |
Nationality: | United States Of America |
Occupations: | Film Director, Film Producer, Screenwriter |
Total quotes: 28
Mark Steven Johnson
BirthnameAKA: Mark Johnson
Birthday: October 30, 1964
Birthplace: Hastings, Minnesota, United States
Nationality: United States Of America
Occupations: Film Director, Film Producer, Screenwriter
Total quotes: 28
“ [after Ariel kicks John out, and Max won't let him spend the night]
John Gustafson: I'm cold.
Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire.”
John Gustafson: I'm cold.
Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire.”
Tagged:
cold, cold-blooded
“Maria: I haven't been with a man for a long time
Max Goldman: Me, neither.”
Max Goldman: Me, neither.”
Tagged:
Sex, Abstinence
“John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.
Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”
Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”
Tagged:
smoking, filtered cigarettes
“[Bragging about his sexual escapades] I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.”
Tagged:
laying pipe, sexual escapades
“Weatherman: Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr!
Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.”
Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.”
Tagged:
Cold Weather, fatass
“ [At Maria's restaurant in front of Ariel, Maria and Max]
John: Nobody slept with anybody.'
[Shows up in the background]
Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”
John: Nobody slept with anybody.'
[Shows up in the background]
Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”
Tagged:
Horny, dirty old man
“[singing] I just met a girl named Maria! And now I plainly see, she's not the bitch I thought she would be!”
Tagged:
West Side Story, Bitch
“[after Allie swallows a quarter]
Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time.
Melanie: Really?
Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.”
Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time.
Melanie: Really?
Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.”
Tagged:
relax, swallowing quarters
“Max Goldman: You know what Jacob said? Jacob said old Billy Hensel was killed in a car crash. Cleared his car straight off the bridge into the Mississippi.
John Gustafson: Lucky bastard.
Max Goldman: You bet.
John Gustafson: Hey, how is he, anyway?
Max Goldman: Dead! Died on impact!
John Gustafson: Jacob, moron, Jacob.”
John Gustafson: Lucky bastard.
Max Goldman: You bet.
John Gustafson: Hey, how is he, anyway?
Max Goldman: Dead! Died on impact!
John Gustafson: Jacob, moron, Jacob.”
Tagged:
Mississippi River, Moron
“Max Goldman: You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae.
John Gustafson: Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize.
Max Goldman: She was to me.
John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize!
Max Goldman: She was to me.
John Gustafson: Well, that's why you're a moron! If you'd had Mae you wouldn't have had Amy! And Amy was a good woman!
Max Goldman: She was the best.
John Gustafson: Yeah, and she was a darned sight more loyal than Mae ever was!
Max Goldman: Yeah!
John Gustafson: Yeah.
Max Goldman: What?
John Gustafson: What?
Max Goldman: Huh?
John Gustafson: Huh?
John Gustafson: What...?
[Both forget what they were arguing about]”
John Gustafson: Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize.
Max Goldman: She was to me.
John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize!
Max Goldman: She was to me.
John Gustafson: Well, that's why you're a moron! If you'd had Mae you wouldn't have had Amy! And Amy was a good woman!
Max Goldman: She was the best.
John Gustafson: Yeah, and she was a darned sight more loyal than Mae ever was!
Max Goldman: Yeah!
John Gustafson: Yeah.
Max Goldman: What?
John Gustafson: What?
Max Goldman: Huh?
John Gustafson: Huh?
John Gustafson: What...?
[Both forget what they were arguing about]”
Tagged:
arguments, Alzheimer's
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