“[to Mama Regatti in the produce section of the market] How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size cannelloni?”Tagged: Pickup Lines, cannelloni
“[At Maria's restaurant in front of Ariel, Maria and Max] John: Nobody slept with anybody.' [Shows up in the background] Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”Tagged: Horny, dirty old man
“[after Allie swallows a quarter] Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time. Melanie: Really? Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.”Tagged: relax, swallowing quarters
“Grandpa: And then the Mama Bear said, ‘Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, too!’ And finally, the Baby Bear looked and he said, ‘Somebody's sleeping in my bed, and the bastard's still there!’ But Goldilocks had a Remington semi-automatic, with a scope and a hair-trigger! Allie, Melanie's Daughter:…”Tagged: Goldilocks, Three Bears, Remington
“Mama Ragetti: We could have retired in Hawaii. Grandpa Gustafson: I have been to Hawaii. Mama Ragetti: Oh yeah? Which island? Grandpa Gustafson: Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya. Mama Ragetti: I find you disgusting. Grandpa Gustafson: Well, just as long as you find me.”Tagged: Pickup Lines, disgusting, Hawaii
“John Gustafson: Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon. Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first.”Tagged: Wish, Crap, low-fat bacon
“Grandpa: What the... what the hell is this? John: That's lite beer. Grandpa: Gee, I weigh ninety goddamn pounds, and you bring me this sloppin' foam? John: Ariel's got me on a diet because the doc said my cholesterol's a little too high. Grandpa: Well let me tell you something now, Johnny. Last…”Tagged: Cholesterol, Lite Beer, Cigarettes, Bacon, weight loss