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Irving 'Irv' Blitzer

13 quotes

All bobsledding (5)olympics (2)Embarrassment (2)jamaica (2)track stars (1)black guys (1)Haile selassie (1)Toilet (1)sled god (1)Time (1)Pain (1)respectable (1)Cheating (1)Revenge (1)blushing (1)

From “Cool Runnings”

Irv: Hi, I'd like to register for the tryouts. Registration Official: What country? Irv: Uh... [clears throat] Jamaica. Registration Official: [smiles] What country? Irv: Jamaica. Registration Official: [stops smiling and enters the information] Huh, what do you know? A Jamaican bobsled team.

bobsledding jamaica

This is what it's all about, this is whether you win or lose the race, right here in the push start! This is where you're gonna practice, right here, right here in a Volkswagen!

bobsledding Volkswagen

It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.

Heat Humidity Blizzard Irony

Winning a bobsled race is about one thing: the push-start. Now I know you dainty, little track stars think you're fast. Well, heh, let's see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound sled. Now a respectable start-time is five-point-seven seconds. If you speed demons can't whip off an even…

bobsledding track stars Dainty respectable barbershop quartet

All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me: you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do…

olympics Time bobsledding

Irwin Blitzer: Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing. Man: Yeah, so's a toilet!

bobsled Simple Toilet Analogies

Irv: I told the owner of the bar that these guys were mentally disturbed, so he's not going to press any charges. Sanka Coffie: Yeah! Sled god does it again! Irv: Just shut up, Sanka.

sled god mentally disturbed criminal charges shut up

Josef Grul: Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, ja? Derice Bannock: What's his problem? Irv: He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world. Yul Brenner: Yeah, he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES in the world, too.

drivers Assholes Problem

Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.

winter sports bobsledding bones shattering Pain

Come on, Kurt, what you're doing here is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's lay it all down now. All right, sixteen years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed my country, my friends, my family, my…

Embarrassment Honor olympics Revenge

Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.

Our Father Calgary jamaica Haile selassie

British Official: We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment. Irv: Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

Embarrassment black guys blushing

Derice Bannock: Hey, Coach. Irv: Yeah? Derice Bannock: I have to ask you a question. Irv: Sure. Derice Bannock: But you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mean, I want you to, but if you can't, I understand. Irv: You wanna know why I cheated, right? Derice Bannock: Yes, I do. Irv: That's a…

Gold Medal Cheating

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