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Howard J. Morris Quotes

Total quotes: 25
“If anybody is going to sit on Ryan Gosling's face it's going to be me.”
— Grace Hanson, Supernatural, Season 5: The End
Tagged: Funny, TV Shows, Moms
“Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain.

Mark: What's man pain?

Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.”
— Tim Taylor, Home Improvement, Season 2: Groin Pains
Tagged: Pain, Man Pain
“Randy: My dad's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card.

Tim: Yeah, one more head injury and we win a trip to Hawaii.”
— Tim Taylor, Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You
Tagged: hospital, head injury
“Isn't it a little early for that watermelon to be drunk? I'm talking about you, Grace. You're the watermelon.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Bender
Tagged: Drunk, Drinking, Alcohol, Metaphor, Day Drinking, Drunk In The Morning
“Grace: You are in need of some serious cheering up.

Frankie: I'm not without cheer. I'm a little down. It's an honest down, and since you are so up, there's a homeostatic balance.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Bachelor Party
Tagged: Cheering Up, A Little Down, Homeostatic Balance, Sad Times, Pick Me Up
“Randy: Did you rebel against your father?

Tim: He died before I could be a real jerk.

Randy: He'd be proud if he could see you now.”
— Randy Taylor, Home Improvement, Season 3: This Joke's For You
Tagged: rebel, Jerk
“Tim: I didn't bug you during childbirth.

Jill: No, but you bugged me during conception.”
— Jill Taylor, Home Improvement, Season 2: Where There's A Will, There's A Way
Tagged: Man-bashing, Childbirth, Conception
“If you're going into the kitchen could you get me two whiskey sours? One for each hand.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Funeral
Tagged: Funny, Mom, TV Shows, Drinking
“Have you ever wondered if Ben and Jerry make more than ice cream together?”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The End
Tagged: Funny, TV Shows, Moms
“Hope is over-rated.”
— Grace Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Road Trip
Tagged: Hope, Doubt, Overrated, Over It
“I just prefer to have everybody like me.”
— Sol Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 3: The Art Show
Tagged: Need to Be Liked, need to be loved
“We are both formidable people who detest children.”
— Grace Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 5: The House
Tagged: kids, Children, Kids Are Annoying
“I don't need anybody but me to tell me that I'm an artist.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 3: The Art Show
Tagged: Creating Art, What Makes You An Artist
“Robert: I mean, what if we'll never be able to be happy because our entire relationship was based on lies and betrayals so awful that karmically we're doomed?

Sol: Wow, you're more Jewish than I am.

Robert: Well, we Catholics know our way around guilt, too.”
— Robert Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Loophole
Tagged: Guilt, Karma, Happiness, Lies, Betrayal, Jewish, Catholic
“ FLIMSY!”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Loophole
Tagged: Flimsy, Declaration, Shock, Awe, Surprised
“F*** that noise!”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Bender
Tagged: Noise, Dismissive, annoyed, Objection
“I lost both my virginities in this house, it's my house.”
— Brianna Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Dinner
Tagged: Virginity, Lost My Virginity, My House, Memories, Possession
“I struggle to believe you.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Fall
Tagged: Belief, Struggle, Doubt
“You play like an Amish kid!”
— Grace Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Test
Tagged: Amish, Diss, kid, Playing
“Why would you yell at a golden retriever? They're like living hugs!”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Loophole
Tagged: Golden Retriever, hugs, sweet, Kind, Warm, Yelling
“I gained another pound today. But I think it's a pound of knowledge.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Bachelor Party
Tagged: Funny, Drugs, Mom, TV Shows
“This is not the energy I wanted to start my vision quest with.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The End
Tagged: Funny, TV Shows, Moms, Drugs, Psychodelica
“I just took muscle relaxors with peyote?”
— Grace Hanson, Supernatural, Season 5: The End
Tagged: Funny, Drugs, Mom, TV Shows
“And I am a certified amateur psychologist.”
— Frankie Bergstein, Grace and Frankie, Season 1: The Vows
Tagged: Funny, Mom, TV Shows, Parents
“Grace: I don't know why she has to blow everything out of proportion. Ya know, I might have said some terrible things to her but I was drunk. I didn't mean it.

Babe: Oh. Really? Did you know in North Korea they use vodka as truth serum.

Grace: No they don't.

Babe: Then Dennis Rodman's a fucking liar.”
— Grace Hanson, Grace and Frankie, Season 2: The Party
Tagged: vodka, Alcohol, Liar, Truth Serum, Drunk, Regrets
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