David Mandel Quotes

Total quotes (31)

David Mandel

David Mandel

Birthname

Educated At Harvard University

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Film Director, Screenwriter

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Total quotes (31)

We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Ricans Festive

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Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Voice

Breakups Coke Machines

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Well, you know what they say, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Bizarro Jerry

Sales Advertising Steak

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Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.

— Phone Guy #1 (Sam Whipple), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Maid

Circular Logic Phone Companies Semantics

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Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering if you know what day this is!

— Bob (Yul Vazquez), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day

Puerto Rican Day Thugs Threats

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Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure...my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence

face Visage Livelihood Vanity

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Miss Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen into a horrible, twisted freak.

— Jackie Chiles (Phil Morris), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence

smoking Lawyers Lawsuits Freaks Hyperbole

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There's nothing more pathetic than a grown man who’s afraid of
a woman.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy

Masculinity Grown Man Fear of Women

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What's the deal with lampshades? I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade?

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave

Bad Jokes Lampshade

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Rugged? The man's a goblin. He's only been exposed to smoke for four days. By the time this case gets to trial, he’ll be nothing more than a shrunken head.

— Jackie Chiles (Phil Morris), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence

Rugged Goblins smoking Lawsuits Tobacco

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I'm sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor.

— Ben, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence

doctors Players Dating

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Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Maid

Universe lost Directions

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You know, uh, she has no female friends! You know that, don'tcha? Something strange about a woman whose friends are all men.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy

One of the Boys Women with no Female Friends "I Hate Other Women"

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This is my one chance to make a great entrance! My whole life, I have never made a great entrance!

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Susie

balls Entrances

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Come on! I know you're there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy

Laughing lying Paranoia

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The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek mythology; I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Bizarro Jerry

Greek Mythology Man Hands

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I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Susie—ahhh. And most of all, I will never forget that one night. Working late on the catalog. Just the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation. And it was pretty good.

— J. Peterman (John O'Hurley), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Susie

funerals Passion Fables fiction

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I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave

Foreign Currency travel Annoyance Threats

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Oh, I'm percolating, Jerry. I'm telling you, I have never felt so fertile. I'm mossy, Jerry. My brain is mossy. Listen to this idea: a restaurant that serves only peanut butter and jelly.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Friars Club

Percolating Mossy fertile Peanut Butter and Jelly Sleep Deprivation

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Well you know, all you guys ever do is sit around the coffee shop talking, sit around Jerry's apartment talking. Frankly, I don't know how you can stand it. I’ll see you.

— Susan Ross (Heidi Swedberg), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy

Boredom Jerry Talks Too MUch

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You can stuff you sorries in a sack, mister!

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Betrayal

Apologies Cliches

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This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.

— Jackie Chiles (Phil Morris), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence

Public Humiliation

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I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: They're meaningless!

— Newman (Wayne Knight), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Betrayal

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If she can't find me, she can't break up with me.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 8: The Susie

Breakups Avoidance Ghosting

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Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage. Huh? There was a guy that worked at the Yankees—no arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money, had a wife, a family, drove a better car than I did.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave

Handicapped Success New York Yankees

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