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David Mandel Quotes

Total quotes: 22
“We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Ricans, Festive
“Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Voice
Tagged: Breakups, Coke Machines
“Well, you know what they say, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Bizarro Jerry
Tagged: Sales, Advertising, Steak
“Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.”
— Phone Guy #1, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Maid
Tagged: Circular Logic, Phone Companies, Semantics
“Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering if you know what day this is!”
— Bob, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Rican Day, Thugs, Threats
“Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure...my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence
Tagged: face, Visage, Livelihood, Vanity
“Miss Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen into a horrible, twisted freak.”
— Jackie Chiles, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence
Tagged: smoking, Lawyers, Lawsuits, Freaks, Hyperbole
“There's nothing more pathetic than a grown man who’s afraid of
a woman.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy
Tagged: Masculinity, Grown Man, Fear of Women
“What's the deal with lampshades? I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade?”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave
Tagged: Bad Jokes, Lampshade
“Come on! I know you're there, laughing at me. Laughing and lying and laughing.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy
Tagged: Laughing, lying, Paranoia
“The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek mythology; I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Bizarro Jerry
Tagged: Greek Mythology, Man Hands
“I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Susie—ahhh. And most of all, I will never forget that one night. Working late on the catalog. Just the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation. And it was pretty good.”
— J. Peterman, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Susie
Tagged: funerals, Passion, Fables, fiction
“I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave
Tagged: Foreign Currency, travel, Annoyance, Threats
“Oh, I'm percolating, Jerry. I'm telling you, I have never felt so fertile. I'm mossy, Jerry. My brain is mossy. Listen to this idea: a restaurant that serves only peanut butter and jelly.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Friars Club
Tagged: Percolating, Mossy, fertile, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Sleep Deprivation
“Well you know, all you guys ever do is sit around the coffee shop talking, sit around Jerry's apartment talking. Frankly, I don't know how you can stand it. I’ll see you.”
— Susan Ross, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy
Tagged: Boredom, Jerry Talks Too MUch
“You can stuff you sorries in a sack, mister!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Betrayal
Tagged: Apologies, Cliches
“This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”
— Jackie Chiles, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence
Tagged: Public Humiliation
“I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: They're meaningless!”
— Newman, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Betrayal
Tagged: Zip Codes
“Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H. E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Wealth, Industrialist, Philanthropy
“This is not good. Worlds are colliding! George is getting upset.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy
Tagged: Worlds Collide, Getting Upset
“I mean, let's say this is your brain. OK, from what I know about you, your brain consists of two parts: the intellect, represented here, and the part obsessed with sex. Now, granted, you have extracted an astonishing amount from this little scrap. But with no-sex—Louise, this previously useless lump is now functioning for the first time in its existence.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Abstinence
Tagged: Sex, Abstinence, Brain
“Ah, you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with—Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George….If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George divided against itself cannot stand!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Pool Guy
Tagged: Independence, Relationships, Coffee Shops, Movies
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