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David A. Goodman Quotes

Total quotes: 13
“Priest Maxi: Blessed be the name of Jesus!

Crowd: It's a great name, isn't it?”
— Priest Maxi, South Park, Season 3: Spontaneous Combustion
Tagged: jesus
“We're not going to let them commit suicide, even if we have to kill them.”
— ATF Agent, South Park, Season 3: Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Tagged: Murder, Suicide
“Chief Running Water: I knew that she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things.

Mrs. Cartman: 'Oh Chief, I want your hot man-chowder.'

Chief Running Water: Whoa, Hell-o!”
— Ms. Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: Hot Man-chowder, Romantic
“Sharon Marsh: Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick?

Stan: [screaming] No! I have to get it out!”
— Sharon Marsh, South Park, Season 2: Conjoined Fetus Lady
Tagged: Suicide Attempts, Delusion
“Cartman: Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom?

Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor?

Cartman: ARGH, FORGET IT!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut
Tagged: paternity, Maternity
“Radio Announcer: How do you feel about the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt, little boy?

Stan: This one time, like eight months ago, I saw two guys kissing in a park. And that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen, until I saw the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt.”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 3: Hooked on Monkey Fonics
Tagged: That's Gay, Halloween
“We're all a little gay.”
— Jimbo, South Park, Season 3: Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Tagged: gay, everyone is gay
“Priest Maxi: Good. Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night?

Stan: The what?

Priest Maxi: It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Kyle: Hey, res-erection! That's what my dad needs!”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 3: Spontaneous Combustion
Tagged: stations of the cross, erection, skit
“Lois Griffin: Stewie? What are you doing here?

Stewie Griffin: [points a gun at Lois] Oh there is a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, with all indignity you force me to suffer for all these years!

Lois Griffin: Wha? What are you doing with a gun?

Stewie Griffin: Something I should have done a very long time ago!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 6: Stewie Kills Lois
Tagged: Killing, I Hate You Mom
“Mrs. Crabtree: COME ON! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!

Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch!

Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Stan: I said we're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch.

Mrs. Crabtree: [calmly] Oh. Alright then. [drives off]

Kyle: Whoa, dude!

Stan: I always wondered if that would work.”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: fat ugly bitch, insults
“Randy Marsh: Uh yes, officer?

Cartman: I clocked you at 40 MPH back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah?

Randy: Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 MPH.

Cartman: Step out of the car, please, sir.

Randy: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?

Cartman: Sir, step out of the car, please.

Randy: Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.

Cartman: Ay! I am a cop, and you will respect my authority!

Randy: Yeah, right. You better get back to school, little boy. [Cartman hits Randy's shin] Ow!

Cartman: Get your ass to jail!

Randy: Ow! Hey, what the heck you doing?! You can't do that! Ow! Ow!

Cartman: Sweet.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Chickenlover
Tagged: Authority, Police, speeding ticket, Jail
“Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?

Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say I have.

Cartman: Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it. I give it a B-minus.

Mr. Garrison: And I give you an F, Eric. Now sit down!

Cartman: Goddamn it!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Chickenlover
Tagged: book report, Hippies, lion witch wardrobe, Grade F
“Mayor: The Chickenfucker struck again last night.

Kyle: Oh, no!

Officer Barbarady: Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the 'chicken lover.'

Mayor's Assistant: This time he made love to Carla Weathers's prize chicken. She's catatonic.

Barbrady: Who? Carla Weathers or the chicken?”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 2: Chickenlover
Tagged: Chickenfucker, Bestiality, Catatonic
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