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Daniel Handler Quotes

Total quotes: 37
“I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.”
— Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up
“Sleep is a natural part of life, like cosmetics or frivolous lawsuits.”
— Esmé Squalor, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Ersatz Elevator
Tagged: Sleep, Life, Cosmetics, natural part
“You see, a scheme is like a fire. Everything must be in order for it to work. You need matches, torches, an angry mob that won’t listen to reason, and the right sort of kindling. Orphans, for instance, tied to the wooden stake.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Simile Examples, Scheme, matches, Fire, torches, angry mob
“There’s no word to describe the feeling of waking up and knowing instantly that something is terribly wrong.”
— Daniel Handler, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Reptile Room
Tagged: Word, describe, Feeling, Waking Up, terribly wrong
“The stove is a bit like a servant. You have to whack it sometimes to get it to work.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: stove, Servant, whack, Work, Metaphor Examples
“Sometimes a story ends before it’s over with unanswered questions, unresolved plots, lingering suspense, blanketing the world like snow. Or like smoke from a suspicious fire.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: story ends, Unanswered Questions, lingering suspense, Simile Examples, smoke, Fire
“Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about them while wandering alone through desolate landscapes, usually during the off-season.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Understand, difficult, years, wandering, desolate, Landscapes
“Sitting with friends, talking about something important is one of the most powerful and necessary forces in the world. It is the way so many noble organizations begin, with a conversation between associates or even brothers.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Friends, Powerful, Forces, World, noble, Organization
“Poor little orphan. Haven’t you learned anything this year? Week? Season?”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: poor, little, Orphan, Learning, week, Season
“Perhaps the hardest part of life on the lam is that you have to keep moving, often in a direction that seems wrong, dangerous or an agonizing combination of both.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Hostile Hospital
Tagged: Life, Direction, Wrong, Dangerous Game
“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Miracles, Simile Examples, Meatballs
“If you are interested in stories with happy endings, then you would be better off somewhere else. In this story, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning, and very few happy things in the middle.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Stories, Story, not much happiness, No happy ending
“Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a member of the drama club.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Girls, School, Leg, walked by, lone wolf, mysterious stranger
“There are countless types of books in this world, which makes good sense because there are countless types of people.”
— Justice Strauss, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Countless, Books, World, Types, varieties
“In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s literary and philosophical principles.”
— Larry Your-Waiter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: World, Corruption, Arrogance, literary, philosophical principles
“Having a brilliant idea isn’t as easy as turning on a light. But just as a single bulb can illuminate even the most depressing of rooms, the right idea can shed light on a depressing situation.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Brilliant, idea, Light, single bulb, depressing, situation, Metaphor Examples
“What is bad news to one person might be good news to someone else. And sometimes, what seems like good news might actually be something full of sadness, misery, and grief.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Bad News, Good News, Sadness, Misery, Grief
“Unless you are a murderer or a taxidermist, it is rare to have actual skeletons in your closet as opposed to metaphorical ones.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: murderer, taxidermist, rare, Skeletons, metaphorical
“This school has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: School, spirit energy, Unity, Joy, Metaphor Examples, birthday party
“Starving people can’t eat money. Plus, if we give money to poor people, then they won’t be poor anymore, and we won’t have anyone to feel sorry for.”
— Esmé Squalor, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Ersatz Elevator
Tagged: starving, Eat, Money Advice, poor, feel sorry for
“Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Children, Apologize, noises, cry, inside voices
“In every library, there is a single book to answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.”
— Olivia Caliban, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: library, book, Simile Examples, Fire, Mind
“If you have ever lost a friend, you know that it makes your world feel incomplete, like a puzzle with a piece missing, or one half of a broken spyglass.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: lost, Friend, Incomplete, Puzzle
“Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. And when that happens, all good, true and decent people know that it’s time to volunteer.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: trouble, Strife, dark, Night, Simile Examples, Volunteer
“To Beatrice – My love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: Love, Simile Examples, Butterfly, Death, bat
“There are times when the entire world seems wrong. The way a reptile room without any reptiles seems wrong. The way a bookshelf without any books seems wrong. Or a loved one’s house without the loved one.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Reptile Room
Tagged: Wrong, entire world, imbalanced, reptile, Books, loved one
“Parts of the plan were unplanned. That’s the plan. I mean, you don’t want to overplan a plan.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Unplanned, plan, overplan
“If you want a mule to move, you can reward it with a carrot or you can hit it with a stick.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Metaphor Examples, Mule, Move, carrot, Stick
“Poetry? You’ll stop at nothing to make me talk.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Poetry, Stop At Nothing, talk
“Patience is like a grating foreign accent. It can wear thin.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Patience, accent, wear thin, Simile Examples
“A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance.”
— Justice Strauss, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Simile Examples, library, Island, vast sea, Ignorance
“People don’t always get what they deserve in this world.”
— Esmé Squalor, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: People, Deserve, World
“We all learn bravery the hard way.”
— Jacques Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: learn, Bravery, hard way
“The whole world is cruel. School is just a microcosm.”
— Larry Your-Waiter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: World, cruel, School, Microcosm
“The phrase 'in the dark,' which I’m sure you know, can refer to not only one’s shadowy surroundings, but also to the secrets which might be surrounding you, too. Every day, the sun goes down over all of these secrets, so everyone is in the dark in one way or another.”
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Ersatz Elevator
Tagged: in the dark, shadowy, secrets of the heart, Sun
“It’s time. Let’s lose our first patient.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Hostile Hospital
Tagged: Time, first patient, Lose, Death
“When I was 14, I was crowned False Spring Queen. We had this whole ceremony with my Snow Scout troupe at the top of a mountain. They did a little dance around a pole. It’s where I discovered my love of pole dancing. Then, on the way back down the mountain, we stayed in a cave full of hibernating bears. Which, incidentally, is when I discovered my great love of fur.”
— Esmé Squalor, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Hostile Hospital
Tagged: pole dancing, Childhood Memories, fur, Learning
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