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Count Olaf Quotes

Total quotes: 22
“Your cruelty is as sweet as this coffee I’m dumping the sugar into.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: Cruelty, sweet, Coffee, Sugar
“You see, a scheme is like a fire. Everything must be in order for it to work. You need matches, torches, an angry mob that won’t listen to reason, and the right sort of kindling. Orphans, for instance, tied to the wooden stake.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Simile Examples, Scheme, matches, Fire, torches, angry mob
“The stove is a bit like a servant. You have to whack it sometimes to get it to work.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: stove, Servant, whack, Work, Metaphor Examples
“Poor little orphan. Haven’t you learned anything this year? Week? Season?”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Miserable Mill
Tagged: poor, little, Orphan, Learning, week, Season
“Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a member of the drama club.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Girls, School, Leg, walked by, lone wolf, mysterious stranger
“Please, come in, and mind you wipe your feet on the mat so you don’t track in any mud. And don’t forget your enormous fortune!”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Welcome, wipe your feet, mud, enormous fortune
“My body is a temple, young man. I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Body, Metaphor Examples, Temple, skin, loud music, Abstinence
“If you use fancy-pants words first thing in the morning, you’re going to end up a very lonely man.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: fancy pants, Morning, Lonely Man
“This school has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: School, spirit energy, Unity, Joy, Metaphor Examples, birthday party
“Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Bad Beginning
Tagged: Children, Apologize, noises, cry, inside voices
“Terrible ending. The villagers should have been eaten like in Citizen Kane.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 1: The Reptile Room
Tagged: Terrible ending, villagers, Citizen Kane
“My whole life is just going around and around in circles. Like one of those things a hamster plays on before you put it in the oven.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: Life, around in circles, hamster, oven
“I thought having prisoners would be fun, but it’s like having a pet or an in-law. You can lock them up, then you have to feed them.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Prisoners, Fun, in-law, pet, Feed
“Does this seem like a nightmare? A bad dream? Because that’s the effect I was going for.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Ersatz Elevator
Tagged: Nightmare, Bad Dream, effect, going for
“Ah, cocktail hour. When the sky is gold with the promise of fortunes and sparkling with the light of a thousand stolen sapphires.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: cocktail hour, sky gold, Fortune, sparkling, Light, visual descriptions
“Parts of the plan were unplanned. That’s the plan. I mean, you don’t want to overplan a plan.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Unplanned, plan, overplan
“If you want a mule to move, you can reward it with a carrot or you can hit it with a stick.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Metaphor Examples, Mule, Move, carrot, Stick
“Poetry? You’ll stop at nothing to make me talk.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: Poetry, Stop At Nothing, talk
“Patience is like a grating foreign accent. It can wear thin.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Carnivorous Carnival
Tagged: Patience, accent, wear thin, Simile Examples
“Scram, police! Wait, wait! That’s us. Right.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Vile Village
Tagged: scram, Police, Right
“Genius ideas are simple, like the wheel or neurosurgery.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Austere Academy
Tagged: genous, Simple, wheel, Simile Examples, neurosurgery
“It’s time. Let’s lose our first patient.”
— Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Season 2: The Hostile Hospital
Tagged: Time, first patient, Lose, Death
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