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Carol Leifer Quotes

Total quotes: 21
“Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we’ve seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There’s someone here I’d like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.

George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.

George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughingstock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.

George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Massive Ego, New York Yankees, George Steinbrenner, Opposite
“You're luscious. You're ravishing. I would give up red meat just to get a glimpse of you in a bra. I’m terribly sorry.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Secretary
Tagged: Attraction, Irony, Job Interviews
“Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Understudy
Tagged: Understudies, Substitute Teachers
“All right, all right. All right you go ahead. You go ahead and keep it secret. But you remember this. When you control the mail, you control...information.”
— Newman, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Lip Reader
Tagged: Mail, USPS, Mailmen, Threats
“You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget about it.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Beard
Tagged: gay, straight, Gay Conversion
“No one is touching my feet. Between you and me, Elaine, I think I've got a foot odor problem.”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Understudy
Tagged: Feet, Podiatry, Pedicures, Foot Odor
“You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Lip Reader
Tagged: Breakups, It's Not You It's Me
“They're worse! They're much worse than us, they talk about everything! Couldn't you at least tell her about the shrinkage factor?”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Shrinkage, Women, Gossip
“I got rejected by a bald woman. A bald woman rejected me. Heh, you like that one? A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type. Apparently, Baldie likes a slimmer guy.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Beard
Tagged: Baldness, Female Pattern Baldness, Fat shaming, Rejection
“Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who's having sex with the hen?”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Rye
Tagged: Reproduction, Sex, Roosters, Hens, Chickens
“So, my dear, you think you can get to Broadway. Well, let me tell you something. Broadway has no room for people like you. Not the Broadway I know. My Broadway takes people like you and eats them up and spits them out.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Understudy
Tagged: broadway, Understudies, Show Business
“Elaine, do you know what you've done? You've give hope to every woman who's ever said, ‘Too bad he's gay.’”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Beard
Tagged: Gay Conversion, Dating
“I tell you, when she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic, it's a pleasure.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Beard
Tagged: Toupees, Baldness, Insecure, Paranoid, neurotic
“I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Penises
“Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Ugly Babies, Genetics, DNA, Gene Pool
“It's not a lie... if you believe it.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Beard
Tagged: Polygraph Tests, Lie Detectors, lying
“Then in the distance I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately, I was wearing my Italian Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price: $135.00.”
— J. Peterman, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Understudy
Tagged: J. Peterman, Fashion, Oxfords, Leather, Men's Shoes
“I don't even know what, what is supposed to be attractive about fur? Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Secretary
Tagged: fur, Animal Rights
“When you control the mail, you control...information.”
— Newman, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Lip Reader
Tagged: Postal Service, Mail, information, Threats, Going Postal, Megalomaniac Mailman, Data Science
“Is it me, or was that the ugliest baby you have ever seen?”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Ugly Babies
“Sure, I like a cupcake every now and then, like everybody else. You know I like it when they have a little cream on the inside, it's a surprise. That's good, plus the chocolate ones are good, too. Sometimes I just can’t even make up my mind. A lot of times I’ll mix the two together, make a vanilla fudge.”
— George Steinbrenner, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Secretary
Tagged: Cupcakes, Pastries, chocolate, Vanilla
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