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Quotes tagged “Funny Tweets”
HER: hell yeah
ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone.”
ME: i desperately want to be shot into deep space, where there are definitely no geese”
Taxidermy is invented.”
ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS
ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on”
Body: 'I shall make this into nose hair'”
Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs?
Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot
Me: is ur gang hiring today?”
Me: I didn't do...
Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody
Me: These are my regular clothes”
Her: It's a toe cramp
M: But I'm covered in some kind of clear blood
H: That's sweat
M: Tell my story”
Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE!
Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me.”
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This page was created by our editorial team. Each page is manually curated, researched, collected, and issued by our staff writers. Quotes contained on this page have been double checked for their citations, their accuracy and the impact it will have on our readers.
Kelly Peacock is an accomplished poet and social media expert based in Brooklyn, New York. Kelly has a Bachelor's degree in creative writing from Farieligh Dickinson University and has contributed to many literary and cultural publications. Kelly assists on a wide variety of quote inputting and social media functions for Quote Catalog. Visit her personal website here.
Kendra Syrdal is a writer, editor, partner, and senior publisher for The Thought & Expression Company. Over the last few years she has been personally responsible for writing, editing, and producing over 30+ million pageviews on Thought Catalog.